Okay okay okay.

This is multiple parts. It’s good though, swear.

Part One.

I lost my virginity years ago to my mom’s friend (they were teachers at the same school). She had recently divorced and was recovering from major surgery and needed some help around the house so I would go over and cook and clean and such — just being a good person — but also not complaining that even when she was in a cast, this woman was unearthly beautiful…

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I was there helping the teacher by holding her cast while they made love.

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She uh… she had it off by that time 😂 I just had to be gentle… slow long strokes is how I learned and remains my default to this day.

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Love this for you 🙌🏻

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Honestly, best move would be for OP to never post again.

likefunnysmart

Part Two:

Even as a young man I towered over her slim five-two frame and she couldn’t have weighed more than a hundred pounds… so I found it no trouble at all, when she was having particularly painful days, to carry her from room to room, just to help her get around. I definitely wasn’t overeager to help (in this or any other way) as a result of my longstanding crush on this angel.

I won’t bore you all with the details en route but some combination of all this time alone with each other and that kind of intimacy sparked some reciprocation of my crush, and as we were watching some HBO something or other, she just leaned over, nestled her head in my shoulder, cuddled against me for a bit, then took my face in her hands and kissed me… and I carried her off to her bedroom shortly after.

Once we’d broken whatever barrier there was… I think we both just dove into how amazing it felt (I know I did) and we kept up a pretty rigorous routine for a summer and a winter (mixing in some yoga and swimming with our calisthenics to help her recovery) until I went off to college.

We didn’t really stay in touch after that… she had a daughter and I definitely wasn’t in a place in my life where I was ready to settle anywhere so that was basically that.



Part Three: YEARS LATER… I’m back packing up my parents old place… and who should be walking down the street?

Nevermind the gap — we chat, we meet up for drinks she’s as intoxicatingly lovely as ever, and she invites me to come over tomorrow to relive some of our fun…

… but she’s not single anymore.

And my soul is s-t-r-u-g-g-l-i-n-g.

I guess fundamentally, fishes, the question is this:

Was Meg Ryan the hero or the villain of Sleepless in Seattle?

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That would not Iike long term work for a variety of reasons.

Among them.

How would we ever explain that to my mom?

Oh hey I’m seeing someone new… you remember XXX? 😬

I was also pretty young... 😂

But I’m enjoying this fwiw for sure.

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.

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Fine.

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Update: we didn’t wait & are on the way to my hotel rn.

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Ooohhhhh. Y’all nassy.

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Now THIS is what I come to this bowl for 👏 👏👏

Get it, OP!

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Omg such a good lead in! Get to it man!

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I have seen Sleepless in Seattle a gazillion times and was so confused for the longest time about why Meg Ryan would be the villain. Totally forgot about Walter!! 🤦🏼‍♀️

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Same with You’ve Got Mail. That’s basically your SO still being on tinder after being together for a year…

Okay okay okay.

Part Four.


So last night was incredible. Woke up, saw I’d missed a couple meetings… don’t even care, f**k them.

Called out sick, took this goddess to breakfast at this FirstWatch-esque local joint.

We’re just enjoying each others’ company on the patio, playing footsie under the table; I’m watching the sun beam off her brunette locks and getting lost in her smile and giggles — feels like I’m a decade younger. Life is good, right?

Her phone rings. It’s her daughter. *talk talk talk* — “Yeah I’m actually having breakfast with <redacted> — he’s in town helping his folks move — we’re down at <redacted>. Oh yeah? Well of course come by!”

Now. My brain didn’t really register any of that in the moment — while they were talking, I was just daydreaming of being between her lips again.

My brain further didn’t anticipate that her daughter — who was in middle school the last time I saw her — would walk up to us looking not so much like her mom’s twin… but rather if someone had just ctrl+c+v’d my crush and then airbrushed a couple wrinkles away.

She was even wearing this dark navy sundress (contrasting the pale yellow one on her mom) and I think I just short-circuited for a second. She beamed when she saw me and ran up and leapt into a hug — and I saw her mom cock an eyebrow at how aggressive the hug was but the moment passed and she went and gave her mom a kiss sat down next to her, and we all chatted — about college about work, life — mundane stuff — while we ate.

Like in hindsight I’m like — of course — she’s in college now, people grow up — but I was just not mentally prepared, and it was a shock to have a carbon copy of the object of my youthful infatuation right in front of me.

Not as big a shock though as when her mom resumed playing footsie with my left leg under the table…. And then — I shit you not — I felt another leg rubbing my right...

funnyuplifting

F

F

F!!

Nice! Sounds like a great experience. People get so weird about age gaps.

Part Five.

So I do what I think the rational thing is to do and politely excuse myself to the bathroom before I can’t stand up anymore; I come back and everyone’s ready to leave, which I’m thankful for.

Wasn’t really sure what I would do to avoid getting trapped and embarrassing myself … and I’m panicking a little because I have this really enjoyable thing going on with my crush… but no question about it her daughter is down-low flirting with me and it’s definitely causing a reaction down low.

I figure I might meet up with my crush again later tonight no big deal — but her daughter has other designs in mind and invited me over to their place to come swim in their pool.

I see her mom cock the eyebrow again — clearly she’s onto whatever game is being played… and I try to beg off saying I don’t have any trunks with me — to which she too-quickly responds oh it’s fine just swim in your undies!

I internally screamed. Panicked. Every alarm bell and whistle in my head was going off. “Danger Will Robinson! This girl wants the D she doesn’t realize her mom is getting! Get out! Get out now!”

So naturally I look to her mom to save me and I say “I just don’t want to impose.” (Here’s me thinking… okay she has a boyfriend… she won’t want me over in her pool in my underwear, right? Right? … Wrong.)

“Oh you’re never an imposition!” Says my lifelong crush as she puts her hand on my forearm. “It’s stupid hot out, a swim sounds great.” (I should’ve just said I had work…)

——

So here I am at her place. In my (thankfully not-so-sexy Costco brand) briefs in her pool swimming and tanning. Still panicking.

My internal state is like the submarine in The Hunt for Red October after they evacuated the crew — alarm lights swirling but eeriely quiet… just trying to make it through the day…

On the outside I hope I’m not telegraphing my discomfort too plainly… but I have no shield whatsoever if I get aroused so all my concentration is on that task…

And my crush is wearing a blue coconut bikini with her spinal scar peeking from right above her waistline up a few inches (not sure why but that mark of her resilience just makes me want to explode volcanically right then and there)…

… and her daughter’s floating and prancing around in an orange ensemble, dropping things and bending over too frequently for her to just be clumsy…

… and my inner Broncos fan is just pummeling the lost in space robot (“Shut up nerd look how hot they are!”) and we’re rotating between loungers and the pool and eventually I’m just hiding in the pool because there’s only so much I can do to hide the effect they’re having on me…

WHEN IN WALKS WALTER. (Fuck my life)

Mom’s friend, OP. You went with mom’s friend. Not teacher! 😉

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