{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Okay something kind of weird happened. Started a new project today with all new people. We met in person today and manager left for home after checkout around 5PM. Three Associates on my team were planning to get dinner, I said I was going to bail to go workout and eat at home. This girl screams at me in front of the whole floor “you are so fake!! you are not going to workout. you’re being fake.” I’m just standing there in shock like what? She’s like “what are you even going to do at the gym”…", "post_id": "61a8135590ac3e00359cae4f", "reply_count": 76, "vote_count": 26, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

Okay something kind of weird happened. Started a new project today with all new people. We met in person today and manager left for home after checkout around 5PM. Three Associates on my team were planning to get dinner, I said I was going to bail to go workout and eat at home. This girl screams at me in front of the whole floor “you are so fake!! you are not going to workout. you’re being fake.” I’m just standing there in shock like what? She’s like “what are you even going to do at the gym”…

likefunnyhelpful
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Utterly wild. I would start rehearsing *now* “Do you really think that’s an appropriate way to talk to me — or anyone?” so that it rolls right off your tongue in situ next time she steps out of line As for going uplevel, I wouldn’t blow her up to your manager — yet. I *would* mention in my next connect to manager, “Hey, are welcome meals or late night meals a big deal on this team culture? Alice had a very strong reaction when I headed home on Tuesday and frankly it caught me off guard.” See where it goes. Don’t throw her under the bus but lay some flag-raising groundwork…

likehelpful

I disagree. As a manager I want to know how my team is working and interacting together. So if there are any issues I can help and support my team. I would want to address this with the other associate solely bc how crazy this is

I immediately think she has some kind of disorder - mental or personality, and cannot control outbursts or filter what she says - like Tourette’s. I would have some compassion and not do anything. If it happens again, broach the subject with a superior or HR in the context of trying to help her. I come from the medical field and always look at things from a different lens. Someone who doesn’t act “normal,” usually has a reason.

likesmarthelpful

That’s not how therapy works :) it helps you identify and resolve issues, it doesn’t just force mold you into a functioning being. So yeah, I think you do need it, because you don’t know how one of these times the situation will escalate and to me it sounds like you’re anyway somehow adjusting your behavior to accommodate which to me doesn’t sound healthy in the long run. But of course, to each their own, you’re the only one to judge the situation and what you want / need to do.

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So awkward. Was she drunk?

likefunnysmart

Great question

likefunny

I smell habitual bully. You having 1-1 with this person will unlikely change anything I would raise this to the partner/ her direct manager and frame it as seeking advice on how to approach her to give her feedback on her bully like behavior

likehelpful

This.seems like a person that has never been checked for her actions. I feel bad for her friends bc you know she prob does stuff like this and thinks it’s just funny ( like those friends that make fun of you and hide it as a joke) Honestly I just feel bad for her lol this is a sad way to live life

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The rest of the team likely already knows she’s cuckoo. You’re good.

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@OP, some folks are asking if she has some sort of mental illness or triggers or something but from your description of what she’s like it sounds like that’s just her personality? As in being loud, super extroverted and saying stuff without thinking.

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(Continued) And I was like I’m going to run for 30 min, I’m training for a half marathon. And she reponds “anyone our age can do a half marathon without training. You are being fake but go enjoy your run.” This girl is fresh out of college (and FWIW I am 25 and one level senior to her at our company). We literally have known each other for mere hours and barely interacted and she’s yelling at me for no reason in front of a whole new floor of coworkers. I felt humiliated but had no reason to be…should I say something or even to my manager? It felt unnecessarily aggressive but I don’t want to overreact

likefunny

In addition to sharing with your leader objectively what happened from your perspective, include possible solutions to consider such as connecting as team by identifying our values, norms and behaviours expectations with the goal of connecting, getting to know each other and aligning towards the project. As a rule when I bring a problem to my leader, I always follow it with a solution or two do that I communicate that my priority is finding a solution rather than complaining about it. And it sounds like you handled it very well in the moment. -

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What if she is reading your post rn? 😆

likefunnyuplifting

OP - that was very mature of you to not react.

OP can we get an update? Any other crazy behavior?

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Maybe this is the wrong way to feel but I’m honestly just concerned about what everyone else now thinks about me because they saw her scream “you’re so fake!!” multiple times without context (since I was talking softly when I said I wouldn’t be at dinner to workout). I’m new to this practice at work and feel like this is not a good impression of me on my first day in the office lol…any suggestions for the best way to fix? Is it just to ignore and move on?

likefunny

100% certain that this reflected poorly on her and not you.

This is pretty wild and seems super unprofessional. Idk if I would tell HR but I would definitely start taking times and dates and notes. What was the reaction from everyone else?

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I really hope that the partner didn’t hear what happened because then that means they chose to do nothing. My leadership would’ve come over and intervened if they heard someone screaming and gotten involved right away.

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You have more composure than I do. I would have called her out for being rude and unprofessional on the spot!

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SM2, same!!! I would have actually said, “Why are you calling me fake and pretending to know me when we met today? Feels like you’re making a lot of unfounded assumptions…” And if she told me that anyone our age could run a half marathon without training, I would have asked her to prove it. Let’s run one next weekend!

😟 what in the world?! Was she joking or being serious??

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There is that for remote schooling - complete lack of understanding of social and professional norms.

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I'm going to patently disagree with you. Professionalism is taught at home by parents first. Teachers, regardless of whether online or in-person, hold their students to specific behavioral standards. In fact, students (especially in college) sign a code of conduct agreement when they register for classes. There are specific behavioral standards that are expected, regardless of the mode of learning. That behavior, whilst you would like to blame remote learning, was not learned nor reinforced in school. Of course, at 25, she likely attended in-person classes her entire academic career (or at least the vast majority, maybe one semester was remote due to covid).

like

Before doing anything I’d get the download from the other associates who had dinner with her They and/or she might come back with an explanation or apology. Whether it’s Tourette’s or PTSD or bipolar, she will likely get accommodated right back into WFH soon enough, or if it’s a recurring personality trait she will be term’d.

like

Lmao why do people think it’s ok to guilt others into after work activities?

like

Why does she care? And what company do you work for lol

likesmart

Completely unacceptable. If it were my case I would want you to escalate to me and let me be responsible.

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I would ask to speak to her in private. And state the facts. You were going to the gym (which was none of her business in the front place) and she completely humiliated you in front of the team for no reason. I’d give her a second to apologize and if she doesn’t, I’d walk the hell away. I’d ignore her from that point on. But I’m also petty lol.

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I’ve been in a similar situation and I can ensure you she’s the one who will look bad. I don’t think we can go ahead and diagnose her with anything on a forum, but I would definitely speak to your manager or career lead if you feel anxious at all. Or speak to her directly given she is a level below you.

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Yeah, I would have given her the business on the spot. I’d take her aside tomorrow and tell her she is not to ever speak like that to me again. Even if you did know her, that was just rude and bizarre AF.

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I wouldn’t worry about what others think. If I heard that from someone, I’d label them as psychotic

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