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Rising Star
34 m Cali. Any female around?
Bowl Leader
Enthusiast
What’s your job title on your dating profile?
44f in chicago. Any single older desi males?
Any single woman up for a drink this evening? 🥳
Rising Star
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Singapore-based reporting in
This is what we need to be talking about
Bowl Leader
Enthusiast
If he is making that much more and intentionally brag about it then I will just say I am poor and treat him for coffee : )
I should do that tbh
Honey! Equality does not equal equity! Explanation below but first:
It is not un-feminist to ask any person to split costs equitably. If this man doesn’t agree, bin him, you dodged a bullet!
I’m the main earner in my relationship, so I pay more for bills and expenses - my man does not feel emasculated because that is equity. And some day the tables could turn and I will expect the same.
PS:
Equality means each individual or group of people is given the same resources or opportunities. Equity recognizes that each person has different circumstances and allocates the exact resources and opportunities needed to reach an equal outcome.
Chief
I love this PPM! Thank you for the explanations 🥰
Enthusiast
Took a friend out. He makes about 1M a year. I paid for brunch. I make 130/year. I did it because I asked him. If you ask. You pay.
No it isn’t. Men ask 95% of the time.
Source: 👋
Don't go broke trying to impress someone. Live within your financial lane.
Feminist or not, I will just be open that I can't afford certain dates. This also applies to normal friendship dates
Rising Star
I feel like the response OP is looking for here is: they should pay since they earn more
Bro I thought I opened the “is it a red flag if she has a stripper pole in her apartment” thread and was so confused
If a guy wants to split the check or has me pay, it’s the last date.
I’m with you A1 🤷♀️.
Conversation Starter
Yeah split!
Rising Star
Be clear you can’t afford to go on so many expensive dates. They can either agree to cheaper dates, or maybe they’ll be happy to cover the cost
Enthusiast
Start going on dates you can afford
Conversation Starter
You gotta split. Don't be sexist.
Man should pay
Chief
“Man”
Enthusiast
I've always offered to pay. I don't hold it against the person. But I also have been taken advantage of in the past, financially.
Guess it depends on the person 🤷♀️
I hate this question. However, I’m a guy and I believe it’s chivalrous to pay, that’s just me. Never would I even think about saying hey let’s split this. Don’t go on dates if you can’t take care of the woman.
That being said, if we’re gonna scream equality from the top rope, it goes both ways, so I see that side too.
You’re dating a guy who makes how much and he’s never treated you?
Conversation Starter
OP is and the guy are both feminists
I just had this convo with a group of female friends ranging in age 35 - 55, married and dating. One of the ladies 42 and dating has started to embrace the man pays for dinner if they are the ones that asked you out. If he’s telling you how much he makes and it’s a lot more, have home pay. I would a,so suggest be honest and tell him you cannot afford going out like you have been. Either he insists on still going out at the same level and he pays 100% or you mutually agree to split but go to less expensive excursions.
1) how long have you been dating?
2) does he ever offer to cover?
Normally I’m a “whoever makes the plans offers to pay” person - but how you mentioned his actions/energy when bills do come to the table - that is a big ol 🚩🚩🚩
Chief
What kind of dates are you even going on?
Chief
Idk about being feminist or not. I can only offer to pay for what I can afford.
I usually tell people I’m on a budget and can’t afford to. Either they change the location or they offer to pay. If they want someone who is on the same financial standing they’re free to look elsewhere. The point is they can make that decision for themselves once they’ve the facts.
Pro
OP, how long have you two been dating? Are you comfortable having a conversation about it?
Conversation Starter
Just communicate directly about it. None of these cute tricks people are recommending, blech. Be an adult. Hey, so listen, we've been hanging out for a while and I can't afford all of our stuff as easily as you seem to be able to. How should we handle this?
If you can get over your inhibitions and have this conversation in plain language and come to a quick arrangement that you both feel good about, it will also be a good sign for how you might do in a marriage.
Enthusiast
Maybe the culture of the part of the country I was raised in was different, but this all just sounds needlessly complicated.
If you set up the date, you pay.
If the other person set up the date, they pay.
If it's a mutual date, then you split the costs down the middle, unless you arrange ahead of time to split differently.
That was common during my dating days and makes things so much easier.
Enthusiast
No difference 🤷
I paid for everything 100% while dating. That includes while we were both in college. She helped make my life easier in other ways
Basically yeah