One of my best friends is male. He had a gf that hated me because she saw me as a threat to her relationship. They broke up in May. He confessed to me but I didn't reciprocate (I'm also now engaged). We remained good friends anyway. He went on a Hinge dating spree for a few months but now he's back together with his ex. She gave him an ultimatum that he can't be friends with me if he wants to be with her. He chose her. I'm a little hurt but (continued)...

likesmart
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He had feelings for OP the entire time and was most likely friends with OP because he was secretly hoping she’d change her mind about him. Hence the reason he confessed his feelings

His ex girl friend sensed it and felt threatened.

OP - the ex is not manipulative. Many women would do the same thing. I’m guessing you miss the attention and benefits you had of having this friend around, where you subconsciously knew he had feelings for you, but you had none of the obligations. And now you’re hurt he chose the person he could actually be in a relationship, rather than just be the standby guy

likesmart

OP I think everyone here is saying it in the nicest way possible - his ex is not crazy and is acting pretty rationally. If that’s how you felt after he confessed the first time why does it bother you so much that he is following what you initially told him? Is it because 1) you’re upset he’s picking his gf over you or 2) you are upset you’re not calling the shots? This is pretty clear that you should be happy for him and move on. The tribe has spoken

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These are one of those situations where you may not agree with your friends choices but it’s their life and they have every right to do as they please.
Do not interfere in any of this (unless violence occurs). If this relationship is as negative as you described, time will bring things to the surface and your friend will realize he made a bad decision by getting back with her.

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So let’s reverse the roles. Your fiancé has an ex-friend who told him she has feelings for him. Would you really be upset if he chose not to see her again? Or would you be ok with him choosing to stay friends with her and leaving you?

likesmart

In this case you talked to her and got what you needed (reassurance). Nice of her to spend time to make you feel better about her and your SO’s relationship. This does not mean everyone else needs to do the same. Move on - if your SO was doing this with someone you felt was a threat who did not want to open up or talk to you this post would be very different

like

I’m so sorry you lost a good friend, but I think we’d need more context before justifiably painting his gf as crazy. She never liked you two hanging out, because she believed he might be interested in you—and she was right!

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It must hurt a lot to lose your friend. But I think he made the right choice for both of you. It wasn’t fair to either of you to continue a friendship while he has feelings that you don’t reciprocate and you’re engaged. Imagine how much resentment and jealousy he probably felt the entire time and didn’t vocalize it. It seemed like a great friendship to you because he was in love with you and treated you so well. But something so one-sided can’t really be a true friendship.

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I’m sorry to keep responding but your flip flopping between you being hurt (original post and this response) and “just being concerned for him” seem to be a convenient veil of “I will say whatever you guys want to hear to justify my feelings - let’s all blame his ex for being crazy.” If he’s your best friend be happy he’s with a thoughtful girlfriend and he has chosen her for a reason. Again - not trying to attack you but this post is all over the place and I only see one clear answer (that this is for the best)

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Tbh if my partner would take the guesswork out of buying gifts for his family like that I'd probably be grateful

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Ditto - my bf begs me to help pick out gifts for him. Does this mean he’s manipulative? No!

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You know on Friends how Emily is portrayed to be the crazy person when she was right all along? Yeah, it turns out Emily was right all along.

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I understand why he doesn't want to be friends anymore. But I am more worried about him going back to his ex because this gf shows very manipulative and possessive traits e.g. doesn't want her bf hanging out with any women other than her, buying gifts for her bf to give to her friends and parents so that they'll like him, etc.

I'm worried that he's going back to her only because he feels lonely. In the end, he choose to end our friendship to be with her. But should I bother interfering? He's one of my closest friends.

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Thank you, KPMG1 for having a consoling response. I am mourning the loss of a friend but if he will ultimately be happier without us being friends, that's all I wish for him.

When you say “he confessed to you” what do you mean? What did he confess to you?

like

Oh boy. If that’s the case, you should let him go. Especially if you are engaged out of respect to your fiancé.

Put yourself in your fiancé’s shoes - how would you feel if the roles were reversed?

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