{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "One of the partners at the firm asked me if I can move my marriage (already planned and shared dates 3months back) to next year as there is lot of work to be done for the client. I am always grateful, as for everything I have learnt in consulting is at this company. But asking me to reconsider one of the most important events in my personal life against a project. Is that right? How do you care for your work and employer anymore after this?", "post_id": "6165d2dbb06f1000364865d8", "reply_count": 456, "vote_count": 455, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
null

One of the partners at the firm asked me if I can move my marriage (already planned and shared dates 3months back) to next year as there is lot of work to be done for the client. I am always grateful, as for everything I have learnt in consulting is at this company. But asking me to reconsider one of the most important events in my personal life against a project. Is that right? How do you care for your work and employer anymore after this?

funnylikehelpfulsmart
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This remind me of a similar ask before my wedding. In our culture, wedding events are a 3 day affair. My event was scheduled for Friday through Sunday and I was working until the day before. My manager on Thursday asked me to cover for a production release on Saturday evening/Sunday early morning maintenance window. I still to this day can’t figure out if he was messing with me because he came off as completely serious. I of course declined and took two weeks off ultimately quitting the job in due time.

PLEASE go enjoy your life and your wedding. Even if it’s 6 weeks! You’ll find another project or job easily, especially in this market.

like

The underlying concern is that the project will be left short. So, you can get outraged at the request or accept the partner asked and come up with a way to handle their concern without changing your wedding plans.

My suggestion is to find out their concerns and then offer to help handle them.

3 months notice is not very long in this game, especially when everyone is busy. Finding someone good that’s coming available, locking them in and then upskilling them takes time.

So - can you shorten the time off? Can you help find and upskill someone? Can you offer to take a hit on billable hours to support budget for a handover?

No, you shouldn’t have to change your wedding date. But, you should consider how you can adapt to support your team. That might mean taking less time off, doing extra work before you leave to help set things up well and/or be available while you’re off (other than a few days around and on the wedding day).

This isn’t a “heartless big consulting” situation….it’s a professional life problem. No matter where you work there will be times you need to make a choice to sacrifice or not. The choice is yours of course.

I’ve been on all sides of the fence (industry, my own business and consulting).

likefunnyupliftingsmart

A cd ture 20 you're right the market is competitive, if they can't handle that OP could easily leave.

like
Recent IconRecent

Sorry, that just indicates to me that its time for you to leave.

likesmart

OP in my opinion there is no requirement for you to wait until early next year, assuming you’re on h1 you can push the start date to early next year considering the visa transfer, stamping (since you are traveling out Of the country) and companies are flexible in pushing the start date. For reference, I got my offer around April this year and I joined only around July. At the end of the day you got to take care of yourself!

And congratulations on your wedding!

likeuplifting

We’re hiring btw

likefunnysmart

That was my thought as well.

like

Tell them you will do it if they reimburse you the $xxx,xxx cost you will incur.

likefunnyuplifting

Consider your future wife opinion before doing this

like

To play devil’s advocate how much time are you taking off for your wedding? I know in some cultures when you return home from overseas and take 4+ weeks off for a wedding. If this is the case maybe it’s less about moving the wedding but managing the amount of time off for the wedding?

funnylikesmart

You do you. But sticking to your plan will prob damage r/s with this partner. Can you do work with others at the firm?

like

Escalate to God immediatly

likefunny

I cried a little in the hilton bathtub. Hahaha

funnylike

I simply don’t believe this. There is straight up no way anyone would seriously ask this.

likeupliftingsmarthelpful

D2 - I guess even Devils need advocates. Imho it was P1 who thinks PTO is a privilege

Lol. Wow - honestly you kinda have to admire the the insanity. Please tell me they put this in writing

funnylike

In writing? Lol. I sometimes wish I recorded the teams meeting though. But I don’t want to burn him or the company down. I am thankful to them for all the learnings and assistance they have provided over the last few years. But may be it is time now 💁🏻‍♂️

likehelpful

I got married in the Navy. I was standing 3-section duty at the time which means in addition to your regular job you do a 24 hour shift on the boat every three days. Wife-to-be worked retail so her days off almost never aligned with mine.

We got married on a Saturday afternoon after she she got off work. I had duty starting first thing the next morning, so couldn't stay out too late. She was lucky to have the closing shift the next day so she could sleep in.

I left the Navy for obvious reasons. My wife no longer works for that company or in retail.

Tell your boss to shove it. They have no business asking you to do this. Get HR involved if you sense any retaliation.

likehelpful

I didn't request leave. It was early in my career and I was trying to "be a team player" and "pay my dues". Because we were 3 section in order for me to take leave my peers would have to go "port and starboard" which means they would have duty every other day, and that really sucks.

In hindsight I should have requested the time and make it the Navy's problem on how to fill the gap. I just didn't have that type of mentality back then. Take the lesson from me: the suck it up and take one for the team mentality is not the right way to go.

Happy Birthday, US Navy btw 😂.

like

It's amazing how almost everyone in this thread is assuming an American weekend wedding.

OP asked for nearly two months only three months in advance. Although the partner is really dumb for ostensibly going back on an initial approval.

As for actual advice, you'll probably be fine forging ahead and drawing a line here. They probably won't fire you. However, it's on you if you're in a position that would put you in a bad spot if they let you go. Check company policy if it comes down to it.

likesmart

Of course, and if you feel that you need to use a month of PTO for what is obviously one of the biggest moments of your life, that's your right and you should be supported. In your case, since it's an overseas wedding, I think it's also absolutely justifiable (not that justification is even needed). I'm just responding to BCG1 who seems to think it's the norm outside the US to take more than a month for a wedding. And of course most Americans also take more than just a weekend off for their wedding. Between the wedding and the honeymoon 5-15 days is statically the most common even in the US.

likehelpful

RED flag, leverage this time and join the Great Resignation

like

This is a joke, right? Where do you work?

like

Yes, because moving a wedding is so easy, even if you wanted to. What a clown.

like

WHOS THE FIRM. NAME SHAME PLS

like

Here’s what I would do.

1. Set up a little time with your development partner and staffing manager, ideally together
2. Very factually let them know that your project partner is concerned about delivering the project if you attend your full set of planned wedding activities and has asked you to cancel your wedding activities to ensure project delivery on schedule
3. Ask for their advice and see if they can help you find a project that’s a better fit

Then see how things snowball from there, somebody will likely find a solution.

It’s not an appropriate ask.

like

Dont cave. Its your wedding; you cave in on this and they will have you by the balls forever. Not an appropriate ask from the partner

like

I feel like half the kids on here didn't even read how long OP asked to take off. It's not a weekend or a week. It's 6 weeks. How many people can realistically take 6 weeks off of work? That's almost certainly going into unpaid territory at most firms even with vacation carryover.

likesmart

Also factor in pandemic quarantine requirements as well…get a life, not just a job.

like

Surely a wedding is only one day? That should be doable - maybe you can change it to a Friday so then you are only taking the tail end of the week off ?

funny

P1wss joking I think but still I wouldn’t want to work where you work P1

NAME AND SHAME

likesmart

After reading through your comments OP, I have concluded you work at a Clown firm

like

Hahahah… I don’t want to take a dig at this company. One of my mentors was my manager at the same firm who told me once that if your back is against the wall, you don’t have to give in and start carrying a vaseline. Projects will come and go but you always need to make time for your personal commitments. I think this particular situation is more related to every individual’s work style than the entire company.

like

From another forum.

Post Photo
likefunny

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