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So basically: depends on your personality, your girlfriend's personality, her parents' personalities, your culture, her culture, her parent's culture. Every person and family is different with different expectations and traditions. No one will know better than you and your girlfriend what is right for the two of you in the context of your relationship and each of your relationships with her parents.
I'm an independent woman, not super close to my family and culturally we don't even expect the guy to ask the father beforehand, yet my husband did and I liked it. It didn't make me feel offended, disrespected, traded like property, or any of those things. Asking for their blessing is a nice gesture, and I do respect my parents' opinions because they're reasonable people who are looking out for me, nothing wrong with that. The original purpose of asking is an outdated notion and no longer necessary, I agree, but it's not an obsolete practice yet and nowadays it can represent something different. Perhaps it will eventually be obsolete and I am fine with that also. However, at present, I really don't think the gesture "threatens a woman's independence." And if you were to talk to me outside of an anonymous forum about this, you certainly wouldn't lose respect from me, or the many people above who have already responded and said they like it or are indifferent to it. If you're so insecure that such a gesture threatens your sense of independence, you're the one who needs to reevaluate. Are you married or engaged? Did you take your husband's name? There are other outdated notions I personally care more about than this one.
Varies by culture. But it's a nice way to get stakeholder buy-in before the big steerco
Yes. It shows respect and maturity. If he says no, still propose, but you did the right thing.
In this day, I would "ask for his blessing" rather than asking "for his permission". It's classy yet puts the lady as the ultimate decision maker of her life.
Just propose to the Dad. Cut out the middle man.
Yes. It's the classy gentleman thing to do. And even if after you've tried and they don't seem to respect you and still think you are shit then fuck it. Go get your girl!
Absolutely not. As a woman who has lived on her own for 7 years and has a strong relationship with her parents, I would be appalled if my boyfriend felt my parents input was necessary to our marriage.
As a female, I'd say no. I can do whatever I want, I'm an adult, I don't need my parents permission to do anything!
Please only do it if your girlfriend wants you to. I would have been incredibly offended if my husband had done this. I'm an independent adult capable of making my own decisions, not a piece of property changing hands.
Maybe not if she hates her Dad.
Have an amazing deck (no pun intended) to present and signed off by her parents that your go live will be smooth and should there be any issues, you have your mitigation plans in place. But yeah, stay classy.
D5 is part of the problem with this country
I asked, and I don't regret it. Imagine if you were in her parents' shoes; it'd be nice and courteous to get a heads up. Most likely, they'll say yes, unless they really hate you lol.
I didn't. I asked her mom to help me pick the ring a month in advance and asked her dad to help me throw a surprise engagement party. My gf (fiancé now) wanted her parents involved but not be the decision makers. So, involve them in the plan/process but don't explicitly say 'I want your permission'
Moms matter too. I'd be offended if my husband was ask for permission, but I wasn't (assuming we had a daughter).
I asked both mom and dad. But she's close to both. I didn't think of it as permission. More "let's all get excited". They did.
It's not a beautiful gesture- it implies you are a piece of property that your father owns. Did your husband also offer a dowry? It's an outdated and offensive tradition that should have died several years ago.
D5 - shut up.
I asked both of her parents - her father was appreciative and her mother cried. It was an awesome moment.
Would actually prefer if he didn't. Why bring someone else into the decision? I already know whether my family likes him. At this point moving it forward is between him and me