Our au pair was a rushed pick because our past one had a family emergency to get home to. Then we extended with her for 6 more months because of COVID. She leaves us in April and I look forward to that day (which makes me feel guilty because she is a nice person). Sigh. No real point here, I am just so frustrated with how she does things but the very few things we’ve asked her to do differently, she says yes and she understands and then it doesn’t change so what’s even the point?

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Have you considered replacing her/terminating your agreement?

This is such a tricky time with au pairs. Anytime I have an issue my husband points out that a rematch would be hard given the limited numbers and we’ve already paid a big fee to the agency. Have you talked with the LCC about this? What sort of things is she not doing your way?

He is 21 months old.

Not closing the gate at top of stairs when she is upstairs, even though she is in the bedroom with him. He can open doors!
(She somehow closes the gate when she goes DOWNSTAIRS but almost never up)

She leaves her room at 7:02 or 7:05 or 7:09 and then gets him from bed where hes been whining for a bit waiting for her. She then goes to the bathroom and brushes her teeth and gets changed for the day after she gets him. Instead of being ready for her day.

He spends the first part of the day (basically 7-12) sitting - in his high chair and then in a stroller while she takes a long walk then back home into the high chair. He often whines about being in the high chair because its too long (the entire time she is prepping meals and cleaning etc..) Now he isnt napping, maybe because he needs to get energy out?

She doesnt talk much to him or actively play (from what i can tell from upstairs); its almost all quiet play.

There are some other small things that add up of course and our personalities dont fit super well because she is very immature for her 27 years of age. But the above is what matters most.

She is now going to be moving with us to our new home in MD- we are currently in DC and we expect she will want to take the metro to DC each weekend but COVID makes us nervous because we dont totally trust her judgement.

We are expecting our next child in Feb and on top of moving we feel like we just need the ease of keeping her for 6 months rather than searching and acclimating to a new person especially given the limited options available right now.

I’d look to see how child proof your house is set up. If it’s child friendly why would he need to be in the chair while she’s doing other things nearby and in line of sight? I’d be thoroughly annoyed at this situation because it sounds like she’s doing the bare minimum for him to be alive and not providing enrichment activities or anything value additive.

I think if I were in your shoes, I would probably let these things go EXCEPT the one about leaving the gate open upstairs which is a major safety issue that I would have a huge problem with. Can you pick your battles / really hammer home that one? If she can correct it then I would just deal with the rest while looking loosely for a replacement in the background (another au pair but more likely just a regular nanny - we’re in San Diego and there are many more options for nannies since daycare providers and teachers are either out of work or opting to do more private care). I don’t think you’re going to get her to change her general attitude and with the move it would make sense to start looking for someone new, esp if you have trust concerns when it comes to public transportation.

I would not like your au pair myself... I’d be actively trying to find a new caregiver, if it was me. We hired a general nanny and got her a coach who is in alignment with our educational philosophy (Montessori). They have weekly meetings where the coach provides guidance and feedback on her approach. Can you enroll her in a nanny course on how to be a good nanny? I know those exist

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