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Coach
Well, it turns out that the girl herself had a hand in distributing the photos - she wanted the pictures to be seen and even sent them herself! She somehow found out that I had contacted her mom, so she used Tik Tok a year later to accuse my daughter of getting her in trouble - though we were not the ones who first notified her mother and besides, THEY ARE NUDE PICTURES OF
A 12 YEAR OLD!
I was hoping it would all die down, but today I found out that my daughter and this girl will be at the same school and on the same sports team next year.
I’m so frustrated. I was trying to protect a 12 year old from being exploited and it somehow has led to my daughter being publicly grilled. My daughter seems to be handling it well and that’s a relief - but I want to throttle both this girl and her mother. I don’t get it - aren’t we moms supposed to stick together to help raise our kids?
Coach
Good point, Attorney1. This is bothering me more than it’s bothering my daughter, so I need to let it go.
Subject Expert
1) 12 year olds are not emotionally mature. Her being mean to your daughter is the only way she knows how to process her feelings about a very big, very scary situation
2) do you know if her mom even knows about what’s happening now?
Coach
PWC1 - thanks for your perspective. It’s not exactly bullying YET. My daughter is a freshman and the girl is an 8th grader, so I hope the fact that my daughter is a year older helps keep the girl in line. My daughter saw her today at a sports clinic and she said it was awkward, but neither of them said anything and she said she intends on keeping it “professional on the field.” She is so much more mature than I am. I am hopeful that it will get better when they are forced to be teammates, but I don’t know if it will. I have misjudged this whole situation thus far, so I clearly don’t know what I’m talking about.
The kicker is that I have known of this girl for years - her older brother was a classmate of my oldest son and I’ve known this family for over a decade. The mom and I are not close, but we definitely know each other. The parents had a bad divorce and the mom has posted a fair bit on social media, so I have a lot of compassion for this girl - but she’s really testing the extent of that compassion by her behavior.
Coach
Shiiiiiit... I’d be infuriated to have them on the same team. Sounds like the other girl has a lot of issues. No advice really, but I hope your daughter is taking the high route. You sound like a strong mom raising a strong daughter 💕
At 12yo there’s no way the girl knew what she was doing. You and your daughter did the right thing. You should be proud!
Subject Expert
I coached high school and middle school girls sports for years and unfortunately dealt with situations like this multiple times. Very often the girls ‘knew’ better. We had team talks about this, their parents talked to them about this. The ‘good’ kids made dumb decisions, too. And that’s what this is- a very big, very scary, lapse in judgement. Kids aren’t emotionally mature at 12. They do dumb things even when they know better, unfortunately.
Subject Expert
You did the right thing. So did your daughter. I’m glad to hear your daughter is handling it well. I’d be frustrated and looking for ways to help my kid in this situation too.