Parents to be: Has anyone not changed their last name and come up with a compromise for naming your kids’ last names? It’s strange to me that the dad’s last name is still the default whether or not the mom took his name. (Apparently I’m in the minority, only 20% of women retain their name) What’s your plan and what’s been your experience? Also very interested in how LGBTQ+ community handles this.

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I feel like this is all so complicated and ends up being difficult for the child to live with and explain to others. I grew up going by my middle name and even that has been so annoying to address on the first day of class and on legal documents and at work. I say pick one last name for your child’s sake (rather than swapping for each child or hyphenating or making up names).

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SM1 I don’t think that is an “American response”. I am Laguna and grew up with two last names and it was annoying for me. People always assumed my first last name was my middle name. I changed it as soon as I could!

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Why are people opposed to taking the last name of their husband? The man that provides for you and protects you so that you can raise children?

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Lol I protect and provide in my family, I am a woman. My husband does more house stuff and kid stuff. My kids will have his last name because I literally do not care about mine and I enjoy the traditional aspect of a child taking his dads last name, but like come on TC1 lollll. I wasn’t opposed to taking his last name, I literally just hate spelling it for legal and doctor visits and also why go through all that paperwork.

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I didn’t change my last name and plan on having my last name used as baby’s middle name. Last name will come from husband’s. We briefly debated the hyphenation of both last names but decided against it

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Same here! Didn’t change my name and I don’t plan to. First (and only for now) took my husbands last name because it meant a lot to him and we gave him the first half of my last name as his middle name (the first half is a name on its own in my culture and also correlated to the meaning of his first name so it worked perfectly!). Now we need to figure out what to do for baby 2 - debating on giving him the same last name!

I would have loved to hyphenate for our kid but my last name is already very long and I don’t want to torture him😆

My husband and I both took each other’s last names and it’s a long hyphenated one that can be kind of brutal on customer service calls but it’s totally worth it for us.

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So you are First+ Middle+ Maiden-His Last name?

Not changed my last, neither does my husband want me to, naming our child "first name husbands name my last name".

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I come from a culture where women don’t typically change their last names when they get married and everyone has 2 last names (usually it ends up as dads first last name, then moms first last name). So I have two last names, my husband has one, and our child will have 2: my husbands last name and my first last name (ex.: Smith-Garcia). I like it because it’s a little bit of each!

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Haha! We went his-mine in last name order cus it honestly just flows better! It’s hard making these decisions sometimes but totally worth it!!

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I kept my last name when we got married, and we are pregnant with our first. We will be hyphenating: “MyLastName-HisLastName.”

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I didn’t change my name. we recently had our first baby and gave him a hyphenated last name. So he is First Middle MyLast-HisLast. I didn’t love the idea of a hyphenated last name but I honestly didn’t love any of the alternatives either. I’m happy with our decision. Hopefully he doesn’t hate it, but if he does he can always change it when he gets older.

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Thanks. I’m may be closest aligned to this option right now.

I know a couple who came up with their own unique family name and everyone (dad, mom, baby) changed to that one. I also know a gay couple that combined theirs and both changed (first part of one name and last part of the other). Lastly I know some lesbian couples who picked one of them to be the family name and all changed. I personally like the idea of all having the same name in a family but you could always just keep your maiden too.

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That’s helpful. My go-to would be to create a combo but our last names aren’t great for that!

My wife hasn’t taken my name yet but she intends to. She didn’t want to complicate the green card process by having a different last name on her passport. I’d be cool with her keeping her name but she wants mine and wants our kids to have mine. It shouldn’t be problematic for women to make that choice but I could see how deviating from the norm with respect to their last name could cause issues for the kids.

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Kiddo will be first + my last + husband's last (no hyphen). Deal is that 2nd kid we change the order of our last names (so his will be middle name and mine will be last).

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This is a cool idea! I might use it too! Currently doing bby name husband name my name. Thanks MD1

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Our kids have a first name, middle name, and then his last name first and my last name last. We kicked around actually creating a new last name using a combination of both of our last names but this was easier!

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No they are called by both names or just mine since my last name is last

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My wife hyphenated my name and our kid will have 4 names. The third name is his moms last name and his last name is mine.

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I didn’t change my last name, but don’t feel especially attached to the word itself. We decided baby would take husband’s last name (its a good sounding one), and first and middle names would be family names from my side. This felt to us like the fairest way to honor both our heritages while not being constrained just by last name.

FWIW - my mom didn’t change her last name (my sib and I share my dad’s last name) and it was NEVER a problem.

Hey! I’m a woman married to a woman. We decided to join our last names, my name will be last because hers is super spread Anglo Saxon name and mine is ethnic from a small country: she said it’s better we continue my blood-line tradition

I didn’t take my husbands name and my kids will have his last name. I’m not very attached to my last name in terms of next generation, more just avoiding the hassle of legally changing it and also my name is just easier and shorter to spell. I’ll have to name my kid and have my husband on the birth certificate before leaving the hospital to avoid hassle once doing all of the paperwork.

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