People who are more asexual/aromantic, how do you explain it to people? People always ask if I’m LGB and I just respond that I’m none of the above. When I was in college, I knew I wasn’t hetero, but I wasn’t sure what I was. So I just did what everyone else did. Years later, I realized that I’m asexual but people hear things about me from my past and ask if I’m LGB. Do you just say you’re LGB and move on? I don’t feel like giving a 30 minute lecture every time someone asks.

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Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

“I put the A in LGBTQIA”

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Just say you “don’t like labels.” Not everyone has to have a label. Im a gay male, but a lot of times feel out of touch with the “community” so sometimes when I’m asked I just say “I don’t label myself.” People don’t usually ask follow up.

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Where do you live?

Easier for me to say I'm gay. I'm attracted to guys but no interest in sex at all.

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Not sure how else to explain. I want to love him, touch him, squeeze him... But sex is not a concept that computes in my brain

These responses are pretty interesting. Asexuality remains an unknown and hidden concept if people hide behind ‘no label’. But at the same time, it is super tiring having to explain it to people.

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So I’m ace, and out to close friends, my partner, and closest family. I wear my ring in public (except at work) but no one’s commented on it yet. My take on this is unless it’s a friend or they seem genuinely interested, I just stick with “queer” and say I’m not interested in more specific labels at the time / still figuring it out.

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I kind of get this. I’m bi but in a LTR with a man, so people assume I’m gay, and I just go with it often. Maybe not the best for bi visibility 😕

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You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

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My sexuality fluctuates. Sometimes I’m more attracted to men than women, then woman more than men, then none of the above. I generally tell people I’m “bi” simply because I’ve given up trying to explain myself.

Following another commenter’s lead: I simply don’t like labels.

However, I’ll use the “bi” label if I don’t want to explain.

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For most people, I just tell them I don’t like labels - I feel like I can be my own most authentic self when I have the freedom of being me instead of trying to fit inside a box.

If they ask further, I usually say that I don’t like people and leave it at that.

I’m romantically attracted to women so on some occasions I’ll identify as a lesbian if someone is really probing. Much easier than trying to explain asexuality.

smart

Wait people are asking you if you’re LGB? Like just randomly asking you? When is this coming up?

My coworker asked me after he heard I was. Was awkward since I don’t talk about my personal life in the office

Do you find the same sex attractive, even if not sexual? As I aged, I could do without sex but I am still attracted to the same sex.

Have you heard of "side"? Essentially gay with no desire for sexual penetration.

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I generally let people believe that I'm queer or a lesbian because I only express interest in dating women, I share stories about Pride, etc. That feels way more honest than letting people think I'm heterosexual (and I am primarily interested in dating women). Only my close friends and family know that I'm ace. I wish I could be more open about it and I would tell the truth if anyone asked openly about my sexuality, but I've never figured out how to drop asexuality into casual workplace conversation (any ideas appreciated!).

Someone in my firm did an article explaining their asexuality on the all company newsletter. That’s one way to spread the news!

I’m curious - do you think being in the ‘ace closet’ has an impact on your wellbeing at work? For me I find it doesn’t really matter, it’s like hiding something which doesn’t exist.

If I didn’t feel like explaining, I’d say something like it’s complicated

As someone mentioned, say “That’s inappropriate to ask someone!” If you don’t want to answer, however you can say “I’m asexual and it took me time to figure that out.” If you want to answer.
If you want to date people but no sex say “I’m asexual but NOT aromatic.”

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