{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "People who try to itemize bills at group dinners/Venmo charge their friends for incidental $ amounts need to learn to value their dignity more than a few bucks", "post_id": "60270bbec08fae00289f4906", "reply_count": 177, "vote_count": 128, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
null

People who try to itemize bills at group dinners/Venmo charge their friends for incidental $ amounts need to learn to value their dignity more than a few bucks

likefunnyupliftingsmarthelpful
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Most of the time I just split down the middle with my friends. We make exceptions on a few occasions:
- pregnant friends / sober friends should not have to subsidize everyone else’s drinks
- vegan / veg friends should not have to subsidize expensive meat, especially if we’ve gone somewhere with limited options for them (eg. If we went to STK or sushi, etc.)

I’m not too fussy about itemizing but I do respect people’s lifestyle choices and don’t think it’s unreasonable to accommodate.

likesmart

I make a lot more than my friends. I would never expect them to split things evenly. I often just cover the tab.
Some just don’t make a lot, have rented apartments they can’t afford, have significant college debt, or were recently laid off.
Over time I’ve found that more people than you’d think have medical bills or support their family and don’t tell anyone.
Recognize your good fortune and pay what you can afford. Maybe that’s what you bought, maybe that’s chipping in for a little more. Don’t tell your friends what you think they can afford.

like

I’ll typically do this by buying rounds of drinks. Not an entire tab though

Recent IconRecent

And you need to learn about privilege and understanding that you never know what other people are thinking or going through

likefunnysmarthelpfuluplifting

OP, awesome! let's go out and get drinks.. on you

likefunny

You’re mad you owe money? I pay my friends back asap

likesmarthelpful

Ages would help with some of these comments. If you are out with someone and they are itemizing what would be a 60-40 split, OP is right. If 80-20, the 80 should cover whole Thing

I’m a vegetarian and I really don’t drink. So when I go to meals with my friends who order steaks and multiple drinks, you better believe I’m not paying twice what I owe.

I can sympathize with rounding to a few bucks, but equal splits are only good for those who aren’t paying their fair share.

likeuplifting

I mean, similar menu items normally cost a similar amount so on average it probably costs about the same.

Op just take the L. People who are facing financial strain don’t don’t haven the luxury to sacrifice for optics, embarrassment is just another penalty they have to endure on top of not being able to afford something.

likesmart

OP, I think that’s the key to your actual social
etiquette rule right there. “Be sure you only make group social engagements with working professionals .... who aren’t under financial stress.
That way you can save time by evenly splitting the bill AND comfortably look down on anyone who pushes back, as inconsiderate.”

likehelpful

Nope. I actively invite people to trips and meals who do this. It’s such a relief, and a huge benefit to the group to know you can eat and drink freely because it will all be divided up equally. I love it when someone tells me how much I owe. Takes any possibility of resentment or awkwardness completely out of the equation.

likehelpful

Op I’m with you. If you can’t afford a meal, trip, whatever, you should sit out. I go out with friends and we all order similarly (ie few drinks and apps to share and reasonable entree). Only time it’s acceptable is if someone isn’t eating or drinking at all. It all evens out in the end

likefunnyuplifting

“OP I’m with you. If you can’t afford a meal, you should sit out.”?? But that’s not OP’s rule - apparently it’s not about whether you can afford a meal, cuz it’s not okay to ask to pay for what you ate. It’s about being sure you can afford the average cost of what everyone in the group might end up deciding to eat & drink - otherwise either pony up or stay home. Now who’s being “transactional” in relationships?

We’re going out for dinner. How’s your Disposable
Income looking these days?

like

Splitting a check results in loss of dignity? Pretty cold take

like

Guys it’s “embarrassing” now to split a check. What a loser mentality. Don’t want to appear to others as having a brain or knowing the worth of your dining experience? Then do exactly as OP and think it’s some type of bad look to pay for the things you bought and ate, and not for the things that the other individuals at the table bought and ate for themselves. Lol

like

Look, when I was an intern, I went to a work happy hours and bought one drink. We all shared the appies. But a senior manager who ordered 3 fairly pricey drinks decided that she wanted the bill equally distributed among everyone there 🙃

I didn’t say anything because I cared about the working relationship, but I was seething.

likefunny

In THAT situation she was out of line.

Not every situation is the same.

like

Op, you don't know what people are going through behind the scenes. Working professionals even in jobs that pay well aren't automatically swimming in money. What if they have a dying mom that they need to help paying hospital bills for, or paying for their siblings' college education because their parents can't? You just can't automatically assume everyone who works in similar jobs like you would be in similar financial positions. Stop making assumptions and judging people unfairly for something like this!

likesmart

OP reminds me of the people who say poor people shouldn't go to college if they can't afford it. Except in this case they can afford it, and OP just wants their food subsidized...

like

Man you Americans are weird, here in Canada they just bring everyone their own machine to pay for their own bill.

like

It’s such a better system

like

I personally think splitting bills is the dumbest thing ever. How is it fair to anyone to pay more or less than their fair share? Anyone playing less than what they’d normally owe is being subsidized by someone paying more. Also, picking up someone a cup of coffee is different than suggesting you split a bill when their are multiple people there: the first is a decision you make for yourself and second is one you make for others.

likesmart

I’m not anti-splitting the bill but in my experience, it’s always the more well off friends that nickel and dime you, not the poor (or formerly poor) ones

like

And they tend to order whatever they want

like

This is the dumbest debate. I do both - depends on context and who I'm with.

like

Sounds like my college friends where they would charge me $2.18 but take 8months to pay me back $68, needless to say we’re no longer friends

like

I honestly never understood why bills aren't split to begin with in the US. I live in Canada, and the staff typically always asks how to split the bills (even with large groups of 30+ people). I'm so used to it, it's just weird to me how that isn't common practice.

like

Ya this is what I was thinking. They'll itemize it for you and bring everyone their own machine to pay.

like

Some additional color since I definitely didn’t communicate this nuance in the original post, and which I now realize could be construed as snotty. What I was referring to are situations where people/friends who can afford it are being fastidious about itemizing bills when the difference represents less than, say, 20% of what their “fair share” is. IMO if you can afford to eat out at a sit down dinner with friends, you can afford that differential. So I’m not saying that $2-4 is immaterial to everyone, but if you’re eating a $40 dinner, then you can afford the incremental $2-4, or you need to re-evaluate your priorities. If you can’t afford to eat out at the restaurant in question, then bring enough cash to cover a salad or a drink or two + tax & tip, and contribute that at the end. Obviously, there are exceptions here, which can be addressed appropriately by employing good social graces. The other aspect is friends who nickel and dime with incidental amounts (again, I should have clarified that this is with friends who you know can afford it) - this feels very mercenary/transactional to me. I try my best to be generous with all currencies in friendship - money, time & energy, so I find it very distasteful when people do that. And as an addendum - I’m actually not very privileged, and am by a large margin the poorest one in my friend group. Anecdotally I actually find it is the people with the least who try to give the most in relationships.

like

Yeah you’re okay with someone carefully calculating their own salad bill and paying in cash, but splitting checks or Venmoing money is too far? I don’t understand what you’re upset enough about to write this many paragraphs

What a privileged thing to say

like

Op, I think you are a little too stuck 🆙

likefunny

Additional Posts

how in advance can you interview for other jobs?
I want to stay till the bonus payout but I want to jump ship some time in the future. When can I start interviewing?

like

The amount of time I have said my goodbye with Tanks 🔫🚂

like

Got these at the Nike event

like

When is the milestone bonus paid out on being promoted to Manager? AC Bangalore.

like

BCG first round on Friday. Exp hire interviewing for associate role. Any final tips/advice? Been doing the obvious (preparing for fit and case) for a number of weeks now

like

Whats the recommended line length for bullets on the resume portion? Is 4 lines too much? Even 3 lines a bit much? ...By the time I get to stating any numerical outcomes or “why” the accomplishment is special I usually spill over to the 3rd or 4th line. I’m still able to fit resume to 1 page but worried if lots of 3-4 liners are discouraged.

like

Can signing up for credit cards then cancelling once you get the sign up reward (ie. miles) impact your credit? I did this recently, had to show bank cancellation proof, as part of getting a home loan

like

Quarter life crisis. Have solid quantitative discipline but not at a programming level. Looking for outs; what should I do?

like

That’s not at all what we’re doing, but thanks for making us look good.

Post Photo
likefunny

What are the best books on creative direction in advertising? Looking to make my strategies as tailored as possible for creatives and figure understanding the process and core books will help.

like

It feels so nice to be traveling internationally. Using the Batman for its intended purpose. Back at ORD United Club with a decent beer, then two months traversing Europe.

Post Photo
likeuplifting

What kind of headsets can I order under hybrid productivity allowance??

Is there some criteria the product needs to meet for reimbursement??

Deloitte Deloitte USI

Post Photo
likehelpful

Just picked up the kid's Xmas present!

Post Photo
likefunnyuplifting

Hi Fishes,
Can we see the hike and bonus details from tomorrow onwards in workday ?is it reflected in workday before dispatching hike letters?
TIA

like

I've always aggressively contributed to my tax advantaged retirement accounts, and I'm fortunate to have a solid amount set aside there.
However now I'm realizing that to meet my FIRE goals, I'd really benefit from the dividend income that those retirement funds could otherwise be generating in a taxable brokerage account.

Anyone else have the same issue?
I feel like it's good to know that when I'm in my 60's I'll be comfortable, but now I'm likely stuck with a thin FIRE in my 40s-50s.

like

For those of you who travel for work regularly… how do you do it with kids? I take an average of one 5-day trip a month. I am due early next year and very concerned about being able to travel for work. I don’t have the option of bringing baby along or bringing baby and a family member or nanny.

like

Any associate privacy roles open in Austin, TX?

like

What’s the minimum experience needed for manager role Genpact ? Also, what’s the pay bracket for 4B and 4C band?

like

Your Song for evening flights - go!

Mine is let me down slowly lol

likefunny

For those people saying that Web 3.0 is going to be as impactful as the start of the 90s, remember that most of the startups from that era went bankrupt.

likehelpful

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal