Personal crisis giving me a lot of anxiety and depression. Currently am in a long term relationship with someone, since high school. Am now 25. Recently, I realized I began to develop strong feelings for my best friend and they said they did too. We have more in common and have the same goals, etc. I hate that this happened because I do love the current person I am with. I have doubts about my current relationship, however I don’t have the courage or heart to end it. I don’t want to lose either.

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Lose one now, potentially lose both later

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You are having a quarter life crisis. Take time off from the relationship and step away from the chaos. This happened to me also. From my experience, you cannot love or be in love with someone who brings you anxiety and depression. You are sad because you have been in love for the past 7 years or so and never looked outside and your current relationship isn’t bringing you this lustful, fun, attractive side. You are feeling sluggish. The potential new excites you. I didn’t have the heart to tell the guy I was living with the truth but he ended up moving out & it was the best thing for me as we kept fighting, a new beau showed up and changed my life. I started being social, outgoing, friendly. The previous relationship was holding me back or I was allowing myself to be held back. Your mind and body want to grow and develop-you must not interfere because the depression and anxiety will point out all your flaws and then you will still do what makes you happy.

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I was in your situation ~7 years ago and stayed with the person I was already with. That relationship failed because my gut doubts were right. I regret my handling of the situation to this day.

You have to ask yourself: are you staying merely to avoid the discomfort of breaking up?

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Do one grown up thing: end your current relationship before you start, or even hint about starting your next one. Separate the 2 things, and don’t just leave one person for another. Leave one, sit with it a bit, and then move on. Best chances of success that way, and least amount of chance you’ll lose both people by rushing into something new while still processing the loss.

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Are you currently married or just dating? If you’re married that’s different you need to ditch your best friend. If you’re dating and your current guy is wasting time and hasn’t put a ring on you yet and there are major problems in the relationship then maybe you should consider options. The thing is 7 years is a lot of time to be with someone and the grass always looks greener on the other side so don’t ditch it on a whim. Only leave your Current person if there are serious issues (think abuse, cheating, drug use, not in love).

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"Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone?"

smart

My experience says if you have a gut feeling it’s for a reason and the only reason you haven’t moved on yet is because the devil you know isn’t worse than the devil you don’t (to your brain). Your brain would rather stay in something familiar even if it isn’t beneficial than branch out when it may be.

Walk away. If you don’t do it now, you’re avoiding the inevitable.

End it! I know starting that conversation feels terrifying, but it’ll be worth it. The sooner it’s over, the sooner you can move on. You are young!! Don’t waste more time with the wrong person. Your gut is probably right.

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