Personal Q - has anyone ever moved cities after a break up to clear your head. Any advice on doing this?

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@SS OP, girl I’m dying over here knowing that you’re going through what I went through with my last ex. It was a 3-year toxic cycle of tumultuous breaking up, reconciling out of codependency, repeat. I finally walked away from him for good, “distracted” myself by investing time and energy into things that were mine - my friends, my living space, my dog, activities and places I loved. It took a while to shake him off, and he kept inserting himself into my life (showing up at my apartment, uninvited, constantly trying to hang out with me) but I put my foot down and rebuffed him every time and pushed harder to fill the empty space with all of the “me” things.

There were difficult moments, plenty of them, but I kept myself honest and even had my friends keep me in check with harsh love and doses of reality. He broke me down in ways I’m still somewhat recovering from but I’m now happily married and the anger/resentment for my ex gets smaller and smaller the further down the road to recovering myself I go. No matter what you end up doing, moving or not, the one thing you absolutely have to do is stop seeing him. Get back to yourself, girlie! You’re plenty loved and do not deserve a manipulative toxic bullshit dick in your life. Come to us if you need anything! We’re here for ya. ♥️🍑

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Well, not after the breakup...but I moved to a different country in avoidance after effing up a relationship and not knowing how handle the situation.

I know it was the wrong approach, but I don't regret it because it allowed me to have a fresh start, focus on my career and not get caught up in the post breakup blues.

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I moved to LA from Florida after a 6 year relationship ended. Though I wouldn't necessarily recommend it, I don't regret it. It just made me realize I needed therapy a lot faster haha

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I mean, that's a pretty extreme reaction just to clear your mind after a breakup. What about taking a vacation (or a series of trips throughout the year) to "shop around" a bit before you make a commitment? < I've been doing this as a reason to scope out different cities both domestically and internationally to get a feel for whether I'd actually enjoy living there.

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For what it’s worth, I moved from NYC to LA after an on again, off again relationship went off again in the second year. Move was for bigger reasons, but I was happy to get out and “break the cycle.” But if you’ve been cycling back, sometimes a move isn’t enough. I am back on with the ex and doing a fucked up version of long distance now 🤦🏽‍♀️ As others mention, you can’t bet on the move fixing this problem

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PS. If you want to move, do it. Having anonymity can be freeing for sure. Simplify and ask yourself what you really, truly want. If it’s adventure and conquering a new city, then do it! However, getting away from Mr Toxic isn’t a good reason to uproot yourself. You just need a hard line in the sand.

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A move like that is like trying to fix the symptom and not the issue. I moved from SF to LA and LA to NYC but because I WANTED to. It’s not easy starting over (and over and over)!

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Slightly different circumstances, but my college bf broke up with me two weeks after graduation and the plan had been I'd move to SF with him and job hunt. Long story short, I moved to LA a few months after. It was rough. I had no support system. No family. No friends. That said, it made me learn a lot about myself.

Aw I’m sorry you’re going through some tough titties right now. I’ve been in a similar situation and now that I’m 6 years on the other side of “recovery,” I can share what I learned.

The bigger issue might be how to reframe your mind set without changing your surroundings so drastically. Generally, escaping a physical locale won’t make things better in the long run. Finding ways to reclaim yourself is key, but it takes time and is easier said than done. Maybe take some time to get outta town for a while to make space emotionally. Seems like the breakup is relatively fresh for you?

@SPM1 - it’s been an unhealthy relationship for a few years now. Not necessarily fresh, but more like if I don’t get away and give it [physical] space will it be on and off and super rocky forever? If I’m in the same city it makes it easier to get back in our regular cycle. I have good friends in other cities so I wouldn’t be alone. Some friends say it’s a good idea, other’s say moving isn’t necessarily the answer - that’s what made me end up asking here. I wanted see who else has done it, and how they felt about it after the fact.

Based on the last info about an unhealthy and on/off relationship (sign of unhealthy too), I'd recommend talk therapy for sure to gain clarity about what makes you go back to him. It's not the fact that you're in the same city and just uprooting yourself and running away from your issue is not a step towards growth or self discovery. Facing it and working through it is. Sounds like you haven't yet exhausted all other options first? Which is why I recommend getting some help from a therapist as a next step. Getting help is a sign of strength btw no shame in asking for it

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