{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Picking a country to live and work in: my spouse is a Mexican citizen (with US green card) who works in Mexico City, and I'm a US citizen. We want to live together, but my spouse has great career opportunities in tech in MC, and finding a job in the US has been hard. I could likely get a job in MC, but I don't speak Spanish and my income would be much lower. How should we handle the decision of who moves where? We are both looking for tech jobs in the bay area, but we haven't had much success.", "post_id": "616f584721c29b0025313e01", "reply_count": 16, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "616d882e7889c60027944c3e", "bowl_name": "Relationship Advice: Ask Dr. Rachel", "feed_type": "qa_bowl" }

Picking a country to live and work in: my spouse is a Mexican citizen (with US green card) who works in Mexico City, and I'm a US citizen. We want to live together, but my spouse has great career opportunities in tech in MC, and finding a job in the US has been hard. I could likely get a job in MC, but I don't speak Spanish and my income would be much lower. How should we handle the decision of who moves where? We are both looking for tech jobs in the bay area, but we haven't had much success.

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A lot of companies are doing remote placements now. Is that an option for either one of you? Might be worth exploring. I have a friend who works for Facebook and his team is in Cali but he works remotely out of Georgia. Visits the Cali office maybe once a quarter

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We are considering and applying for remote options, but international remote is a big challenge even for companies that are fine with working anywhere in the USA.

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Why not just spend a few months looking for and figuring out your opportunity set? Even if only one of you finds a job in one location, and both in the other, if your total household income will be higher with the single job, seems like a better bet. The other can then spend however much time it takes to follow up and get a job in that location while the first one gets going in the job they already found. Other question: how much emotional attachment does each of you have to each location? Sounds like MC will not be a great bet for you socially etc. How about the equivalent for your spouse in the US? Who has more downside?

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We have been looking for jobs in the USA for the past several months and had a variety of interviews. Lack of success in those interviews is a meaningful part of why we are having conversations about opportunities in Mexico. We'll be sure to talk about household income vs cost of living. It may be a situation of making $X in Mexico vs $2X in the USA. I am probably less attached to any given city in the USA than my spouse is attached to Mexico City.

Finding work in the US is hard? Tell her to apply with her “white WASP” name. She’ll get a job offer in a week

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Ha! We know what you mean! The translated American name was more successful than the Spanish name, but the rest of the resume and interview process didn't change much.

There are tech jobs in MC and speak English. But ideally you will need to have a drive to learn Spanish though. My friend learned Spanish but was not a native speaker and worked for tech there and was an American citizen only

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How did your friend's role, level and compensation in Mexico compare to what they could access in the USA?

Of your spouse is on a green card he has to spend at least 6 months (or something like that) in the US in order to not get his green card revoked. Maybe that will help you pick a location.

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Thanks. We are aware of those and other requirements. We have legal counsel, so knowledge of the green card requirements is not a problem.

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How did you get married without discussing this first? Sorry if this is snarky. I’m just so surprised.

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We did discuss it and planned to live in the USA. However, new opportunities have arisen, so the conversation has been reopened.

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My area of expertise isn’t in the logistics of visas and green cards so I can’t speak to that (and others have weighed in with helpful thoughts) but i can speak to the topic of how to weather transitions and differences of opinions in relationships that can come up with issues like this. I’m curious about how this fork in the road is being handled by each of you and if you’re able to be partners throughout, or if there’s much divisiveness? My other thoughts are that since you’re less attached to any particular city in the US, would you ever consider moving to MC and doing a Spanish immersion course to dive in and learn the language until you get a job?

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14:36 gmt 😀

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Ah now it did.

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