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Are you counting durables such as stroller, crib, car seats, playpens, high chair, etc. under clothing/equipment? Are you getting some of these as gifts or father contributes separate as a birth lump sum? 3600 for all clothes and equipment you need in first 3 years is definitely doable but you need to be quite price conscious on everything, get certain things secondhand or be getting some as gifts. A good stroller or crib can easily be $400+ new.
Also, I feel these numbers are doable but a bit tight across the board, like most HHI 300k folks would spend more and you’d have to be really conscious to stay in budget. Example would be diapers + wipes I probably spend $120ish. To get under $100 I’d be changing them less frequently than I’m really comfortable. My formula is a little over $100 for a bulk pack that makes 680 ounces, which works out to ~22 oz a day if you needed it to last 30 days. Some babies might only drink that little, but mine was usually doing more like 30ish before solids, and that assumes no waste which is not true. But maybe if you average it over many months it’s fine, since they drink less as newborns and solid foods are cheaper.
I would up one of the $100 categories to $150 at least. Things like diaper rash/skin creams, medicine, bath stuff, bottles... little things all add up.
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He should pay half of everything
Wanted to add a few more thoughts: I found my excel file that covered a lot of items I bought for the first year. Total was about 7000. This is higher than it really needs to be since I got very few hand me downs and splurged on some items like a $1000 bugaboo. But there are a LOT of miscellaneous items. If I exclude big durable equipment and food/diapers, it’s still close to $2000: baby monitor, toys, books, blankets, bathing tub, baby carrier, nursing bras, milk storage bags, sippy cups, baby plates & spoons, bibs, bottle warmers/drying rack, nose frida, pacifiers/teethers, etc. I am happy to list more examples if you need them to “justify” the budget in your negotiation.
Maybe you can do without or get some of these from friends, but if I were you I would try to negotiate a budget that assumes your baby gets to have a reasonable amount of new toys, clothes, treats etc. so you don’t have to feel resentful about paying for extras yourself or constantly renegotiating for more money. Similarly I’d have a 5% buffer on childcare costs. Daycares have teacher gifts, picture days, parties, special required supplies, etc where you don’t want to be the most frugal parent.
You’ve been a real hero on this question