Please provide some advice if you have any!

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My wife didn’t file, but she did meet with a lawyer to understand the process and started getting things in order to protect herself and our kids from negative impacts of my alcoholic decisions. She shared the details of those conversations with me. It wasn’t the only wake up call, but her actions were important factors in my finally starting the road to recovery almost 6 years ago.


She cannot fix her husband.

thanks for coming to my Al Anon talk


You file for divorce- if the other party doesn’t respond it’s granted to you.
Easier and cheaper.
Guarantee he’ll wake up when he gets the papers.
He’s trying to call your bluff.
Plus I can sense the hesitation on your part as well - which he is sniffing out.


This ^^^ addicts and alcoholics will do anything to make you call your bluff. Remember, you are not dealing with a hot bed of mental health. I say this with compassion and as an addict, 7 years in recovery:

Either accept him for exactly what he is, or leave. The in between is the pain.


Ouch. Probably need to just file. An addict in the throes of addiction is not a reasonable person at all, and the hopes of a divorce not being messy are probably a pipe dream.
Addicts are liars. Addicts cheat. Addicts don’t want anything to get in the way of their addiction. Sometimes they don’t appreciate that fact, but it’s still true. If he isn’t taking it seriously I don’t think there is anything else you can do but lawyer up.
Hopefully this will be the wake up call he needs and then he can get help.


I was probably headed this way. Wife was frustrated, I didn’t think my behavior was that big of a deal. To placate her / she gave me a bit of an ultimatum, I made a sincere effort to quit. I couldn’t. That’s when I understood I had a problem and needed help. Therapist plus 12 steps has me in a much better place and our relationship is the best it’s been in years.
Long winded way of saying perhaps a “quit or I am leaving you,” may work, but it sounds like she may have tried that already.


I would suggest Al-Anon for anyone who loves an alcoholic / addict


Get to an al-Anon meeting ASAP and get a sponsor and work the steps! You’ll find people there who have been in this exact situation and will share their experience, strength, and hope with you.


Al Anon teaches us to detach with love. We have to do what we know in our gut is right, even if it could be painful or costly. We also have no way of knowing how the universe works. I’ve heard more than one story that goes something like, “I hit rock bottom when my wife served me papers, and that’s what got me to recovery”. Maybe there’s a happy ending and maybe there’s not, but living in limbo will certainly result in suffering.

You don’t have to do it on your own; Al Anon can help with your relationship to the addict, therapy can help with your own mental well-being, and a lawyer can help with the divorce.


Thank you for your responses. There is so much guilt with being on this side of the equation. I am hoping for the best and realize that I can’t help him if he does not want to help himself. I am struggling with moving forward in this by filing with a lawyer, essentially suing my own husband. ☹️


Al anon here! My qualifiers are my mother and the father of my children. He has been an addict for 5 of our 15 yrs. I regret tremendously that my children will grow up in this life like I had to. In al anon we don’t give advice, but this isn’t al anon. Don’t get pregnant by this man, take care of yourself and protect your future. A therapist told me after my first son not to hitch my cart to his wagon, little did I know I was already pregnant again. I wish I could protect my children but there is so little I can control with an active addict.


As much as anyone would like a situation like this to be taken seriously and civilly, it sounds like he does not accept the reality.

Get a lawyer, get it done. Divorce is expensive because it's worth it

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Just wanted to post an update. 68 weeks ago I posted about my drinking problems. It was bad. It’s been 8 months now without a single drink. I still can’t believe it. I still miss drinking. I’ve sat with coworkers and watched them drink. It’s not nearly as fun, but I am so thankful each morning I can hold my head up high. Will I drink again? I only said I would quit for 60 days. Can I have a beer? Some wine? A fine bourbon? I sometimes crave it. I guess there is the answer! You can all do this!


My husband is addicted to alcohol.. For those who are sober/recovering, what worked for you?! What can I do to help him?!


Does anyone have recommendations for non-alcoholic drinks? I have been having soda with lime at happy hours, but also just found Athletic Beer that is n/a as an option. I’m tired of temptation and upturned or confused looks. Also, just have felt so much better not drinking and not going down a spiral - really want to keep things that way.


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Took today off to work on my oldest daughter’s truck and watch Stranger Things 4:8 & 4:9 with my youngest . So grateful for AA. I have the relationships I only dreamed of when I was an active drunk.


A little over three months sober now. I’ve been doing okay, but tonight after going to a party and not drinking (didn’t struggle with that) realized how much my life is changing and it’s kind of sad


I relapsed one week ago and feel awful about myself. I’m having trouble finding motivation and strength to get sober again now

Me, leaving the work happy hour after 30 minutes.

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Wanted to post to get this group moving 😊. Currently a little over a year sober/ alcohol free. Welcome to all of my fellow folks in any type of recovery!


Is everyone on here sober from (mostly) everything? Do you sometimes partake in other vices? For me, it’s smoking herb 1-2x/week. Used to be way worse (❄️⛷💊🥃) and that’s how/why I justify it.


Possible to be sober as a new consultant? Feel constant pressure from other colleagues to drink and feel like it will be an uphill battle to climb the ranks sober. Can anyone share their story of getting/ being sober early in their career?


Folks that took medical leave for alcohol use treatment: What was your experience? Did you do inpatient detox? anyone skipped detox and go straight into an outpatient IOP? How was that? How long were you out on leave? How much notice did you give ur boss before the leave? Anyone quit/not go back?
I’m ready to get real treatment for my alcohol usage. Would love to benchmark my path against others in the group as I don’t trust my decision making ability right now.


Quit the booze back in September. It mostly hasn't been that hard but I can't get a grip on my emotions this week. Feeling overwhelming sadness for no real reason. (Cont)

Starting my sober journey today. Glad to have found this community. Honestly hopeful but also scared.


I have a gambling problem and it’s become way worse due to Covid. I have been playing online during the pandemic as I’m now in a state where it is legal to play online. This has been bad to the tune of I’m losing double what I earn. What is the best solution or recover, curtail, or just get support so I stop feeling like a piece of shit.


Just did an export of my spending for the year to do a full breakdown. I spent almost $2k on liquor in the 6 months before I went into treatment:

February: $553.25
March: $418.04
April: $14.75
May: $150.38
June: $92.24
July: $283.16
August: $387.70

Total: $1,899.52

That amount comes out to 40 handles, but it’s probably about 2x since this doesn’t include what I bought with cash or drank with others paying.

Im shocked. But most importantly I’m grateful to be sober today. Keep working it gang!


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