Pregnant and have a 3 year old. I’ve been feeling very insecure in my marriage. Feels like we’re roommates lately, especially during quarantine. Is this normal?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

I’m not pregnant but we’re def in a funk bc of quarantine. 1) hormones are weird during pregnancy 2) were in a global pandemic with no childcare. If you’re like me, you’re tired, stressed with very little self care time. Let alone marriage time 3) 3 year olds are exhausting. I think it’s totally normal, and I don’t think it means things will be like this forever. We’re having a hard time because we’re constantly juggling work/childcare during the day and by the time bedtime rolls around, we’re catching up on work and house stuff, which leaves very little relax/enjoy time.

like

Sometimes the marriage doesn’t always feel good. It takes work and when circumstances around you are hard it strains the marriage. Don’t take hard circumstances to mean married the wrong person or anything. Just sit down with spouse and ask what they need more of from you to feel loved and hopefully they reciprocate and ask how they can better serve you too

like

Sounds like maybe you’re in a bit of a funk from the quarantine, which makes perfect sense to me! Can you maybe do a “date night” at home where either you cook a nice meal or get takeout, then sit at the table and chat to reconnect? Talk about how you’re feeling with the pregnancy, what your fears are (if any) with giving birth, how your first will adapt, etc. I feel the most connected with my husband after we’ve had a great catch-up chat.

like

I lost my libido completely during my second pregnancy and after (3 months pp). I don’t have a solution. I’ve been reading up on advice and downloaded some love language apps. I hate to say it but with two kids feel like that might be on pause for us. That said do make some space for each other. We go have a drink on the patio after the two are down and it’s nice to just talk.

like

How long have you been married? Kids definitely bring a lot of disruption and stress into relationships.

Now it's a tough time but would you think it may help if carving out one day a week just for two of you? Of course you'll need support to take care the kids for these days.

Related Posts

I'm struggling with drafting/creating policies. Is that something that's taught through a certification or I missed in school? How does one get good/comfortable with writing policies or is there a tip I'm overlooking? (e.g. I need to formalize our Maternity leave policy and create a paternal leave alongside)

like

Has anyone ever brought their baby on a production? I’m in the precarious position where I either miss out on a production I’ve been busting my butt on and become further marginalized as a mom (cont)

I’m almost 40. Have a great marriage and great kid. I own multiple pieces of property and have a successful side business and I still get insanely jealous when I see people getting promoted or hired with a big fancy title. I still get pissed that it isn’t me getting that job.

I hate that I’m like this.

like

I just discovered that Zelda: Ocarina of Time, a game that enchanted me for weeks on end when I was a kid, is ~25mb in size. I honestly can’t believe it—I’ve filed docs in court that are bigger than that. Also, this has nothing to do with biglaw other than that learning how to use emulators is what I’m doing during the tech slowdown. Just beat the Deku Tree!

likefunny

Anyone have advice on reviving a marriage that hasn't gotten any attention for too many years because kids and work come first?
My husband and I are pretty good co-parents, which is great, but he isn't very responsive to my attempts to make time for romance, & the relationship has died down after 19 years. (Sex is good but the emotional connection isn't.) Last kid at home graduates in 5 years, and we may become one of those couples that divorces after the kids leave the nest.

like

I interviewed (Phone) for a job 3 months ago and they just got back to me for another interview but now I’m 6 weeks pregnant....

like

Baby furniture. What is everyone doing? FTM and trying to figure out if it’s worth investing in very expensive nursery furniture. We were looking at the Natart furniture collection and the Silva collections. These both come in at about $2000-$2400. The furniture is high quality and grows with the child. Alternatively I could go the lower end route at get everything for like $800. Is that wise? I hear horror stories about low quality and paint chipping from the baby teething on the crib.

My boyfriend and I have been trying for the past 5-6 months. Meaning he’s come inside me every time. (Sometimes 2 times a day). But nothing, no pregnancy ever. I’ve always had pregnancy ‘scares’ but it was always wrong. Does anyone have any advice on what’s going on? Desperate to find somebody who can understand and not just tell me it’s because it’s harder to get pregnant than the movies make it seem

like

Moving to San Diego in the spring from the central coast. Any recs on places to live (late 30’s with a kid)? Want to be close to restaurants and things to do, but a little too old and tired for gas lamp!

I had a non traditional path out of law school because I graduated at the height of the Great Recession and my mother was seriously I’ll with cancer. I’ve worked for 2 big four firms in internal positions within compliance/regulatory for a total of 6+ years and am ready to make a move. What is my next best one? Is it totally impossible for me to go to a law firm?

I recently had my first baby and I’m trying to be as practical as possible, I did not get a bunch of baby stuff I just got the essentials, I think they sell you too much unnecessary things. I do appreciate people showing affection with gifts but feel kids now a day are over gifted. Would it be taken wrong if I suggest that for birthdays and Christmas instead of toys people deposit whatever they were going to spend in my baby’s 529 account?

like

Any maternity clothing recs?

After giving notice yesterday, I slept like a baby. I haven’t slept that well since starting law school.

like

Mamas with more than one kid, what’s the age gap between your children? And now that you’ve experienced it, do you think a different age gap would have been better?
I had my first a few months ago, and while I was sure I’d be one and done, the maternal feeling is now on overdrive 🙃 I’m wondering what would be a good time to try for a second.
I am 38, and the first baby came after two miscarriages so my chances are not great (especially chances of a planned age gap) But it doesn’t hurt to hope 😊

like

Naive question: How many yearly billable hours are reasonable for a good balance of work and home. I have a young child and don't want to miss out on important moments. I had one firm state that their yearly quota is 1900 hours and I don't have a frame of reference as to whether this is reasonable or if it means 12 hour days. I am coming from public service so billables are 100% new to me. Any insight is appreciated.

like

If you went part-time, was there any impact on your benefits? My firm doesn’t have a part-time policy but a partner proposed that I do that rather than leave while pursuing a project for 1-2 years. I’m considering having baby number 2 and I’m not sure whether my leave would be impacted.

like

Pregnant with my first baby and I’m having the WORST sciatic nerve pain. I had a back injury with nerve damage when I was in my early 20s and at 18 weeks pregnant, it’s almost unbearable. I’ve increased my prenatal workouts like yoga, Pilates and walking because my doctor said that helps but it’s not helping. Any advice from the momma fishes? 🙏🏻

like

Something I used to do with my father before he died was fixing his home garden. Thanks to that now whenever I get a new property to sell I dedicate myself to fixing the garden before showing it, I learned to do it very fast and very aesthetically. Have you ever fixed houses by yourself to improve sales?

like

Have some Qns:
1. When do people typically do baby showers(what month of the pregnancy)?
2. when are you supposed to share your baby registry?
3. If you opt to do a maternity photoshoot, when is the best time to do it?
4. Are the maternity photos used in the baby shower invites?

First pregnancy and I just feel lost with everything! TIA

like

My husband and I are both consultants, expecting our first baby. I’ve driven myself crazy wondering how we’re going to manage going back to work with a ~6 month old baby. Any advice?

like

More Posts

Recs for a vitamin C + kojic acid/grape seed extract daily face cream?

like

Little copilot today. Had to get some shot boosters. She was a very brave girl

Post Photo
likeuplifting

I heard so much about minimum billable hours here by staff. I never saw that email. Is it inly for certain groups?

Real Estate vs. Stock Market: I am contemplating investing in either stock or real estate. So far my stock portfolio has been averaging 15% annualized. Fishes what do you think?

like

I need tips on online dating. Been in a new city for almost 6 months now and see no compatibility with the guys!

likesmart

Have you ever been in front of a big project which is not going to happen because of the lack of commitment of your bosses? i.e. I have a planned and schematized project for the treatment of wastewater in a needy sector of my city. My company needs a social aid project, everything is a match, but my boss does not know how to sell the idea to their superiors and therefore I feel that the project will not be done. Has it ever happened to you? What did you do to face this situation?

like

Does Société Générale provide opportunities for short term onsite or say long term onsite opportunity for specialists software engineer with 5-6 yrs exp.

like

Have any of you considered being a SAHM until they start school? I never thought that’s what I’d want, but I’m expecting my first and can’t imagine going back to corporate anything after mat leave. My husband makes decent money, but I’ve always made more. We live in a MCOL city and both grew up without much so are pretty frugal. Did you ladies ever consider it? How did you decide what to do?

like

So I’m on a milk donation group because donor moms (love them!) have helped with milk for my baby. Of late I see a lot of posts as below - def okay with personal preference of the donor meds and vaccines but each person spells it out differently like “no c v*x” etc. is this a thing? I feel like they’re addressing lord Voldemort

Post Photo
funny

Anybody watching Upload on Prime? The brands are fun. Like “aggressive Panera” buying Disney and Oscar Meyer Intel printing human clones.

like

BCG: Anyone know how big the offices are in comparison: LA VS Seattle, Dallas vs houston

like

Electrical engineers, what is the minimum salary I should consider after a few years of work?

like

There is a vacancy in Aurobindo pharma
Srilekha.d@shreas.com
Expected package is around 12 lacs and
Roles include finalization of accounts, financial planning , brs , tds and TCS

Location - Hyderabad

They are looking for freshers and experienced

What are particular challenges of online arbitration?

like

Are Bird Dog chinos any good? Basically same price as Bonobos, but their website kind of looks sketchy. How’s quality and fit?

like

Got an agent and she was useless for finding good tenants. Got frustrated and finally started finding leads myself and closing on one soon. I have signed a contract with the agent for paying one months rent as fee. How can i fight this or as he has been literally of zero value add? I will ofcourse ask nicely but wanted to see if i have any other options!

like

Career advice?

I'm a relatively junior data engineer (2yoe), the only other engineer (senior) that trained me left about a 6 months ago and I negotiated a nice raise for the extra responsibilities.

My performance reviews have been stellar, but my manager is starting to look to hire a senior to help me deliver projects as we do lack capacity right now.

I feel like I might be missing an opportunity to ask for a promotion and hire a junior instead.

Any opinions/tips?

Has anyone taken the SHRM-SCP? Any study suggestions and impressions of the test?

like

Hi fishes
Please help me in clearing my below queries
1. What is probation period for lateral joinees in lti
2. How much performance bonus is generally provided and which time of year
3. How many types of leaves available and how much.
4. Hidden malpractice or wrongdoing practice in lti by hr and management
5. Benefits and drawbacks of joining lti
6. When will office probably open and what r plan
7. Variable pay amount usually added if 13.5lpa is ctc
Appreciate if someone answer above queries

like

Additional Posts in Consulting Moms

Moms - Any recommendations for Sunblock for a 9 month old baby??

like

Did anyone accept a job while pregnant? When did you tell your new employer and how did they react?

like

Moms with 3 kids... how did you decide to go for 3 and do you regret it (obviously you never regret kids) but does it make life so much harder. I’m 1 of 3 and like the sibling dynamic but struggling with the chaos it’ll add to our already chaotic life

like

We went to a wedding and husband was not wearing a mask at the airport and in public places . He gets Covid and we find out several of the guests also got Covid . No way of knowing who was patient zero. We have a toddler who has symptoms (tested negative) but now can’t go to daycare and I’m also not feeling well but still negative. I’m angry with my spouse since even when he was sick he didn’t mask at home and refuses to isolate in his room (would eat in the living room).

like

What are the things to consider when looking at buying a stroller? (Ideally looking for something that’s convertible, has multiple uses and is durable). Any suggestions? FTM here.

like

Did you guys celebrate mother’s/father’s day during your first pregnancy before you were actually parents? I know we can figure out what works best for us but I’m curious what others did!

like

I really want to make some time for working out and getting back into shape. Im overloaded on projects and have a toddler that I care for before and after daycare. After putting him to sleep and Getting done with house chores I'm just exhausted and have no motivation to hit the gym 😩 any advice?

like

Any tips on how to night wean?
We co sleep (and that’s the only way we can sleep right now) and our 1yo wakes up three times at night to feed and fall right back to sleep(roughly every two hours). He cries bloody murder if i try and soothe him otherwise or keeps waking up every five mins before fully being awake.
How can I change this? Any ideas will be super appreciated’

like

Last week I was given amazing news that I was pregnant. Today, after my repeat blood work results, I was told my HCG levels aren’t rising adequately. I am crying in the bathroom stall at work.

like

My 3 month old is a catnapper. No longer than 30-45 mins ever. Nighttime sleep is bad too. We can get maybe 5hrs at best and then each sleep afterwards gets progressively shorter until 8am when it's daytime and the short naps begin. Bedtime is 7-830 but he always gives us a false start, takes a nap and wakes up in an hr and finally goes down at 9-11pm. Meals have been tough too. Only eating 2-3 oz at a time. Any advice? I took the taking Cara babies class already. Isn't helping...

like

30 F and found out I’m pregnant last night. I missed my last two periods and chalked it up to quarantine/stress. The guy is not in the picture at all and I’ve been on the biggest roller coaster of my life the past 24 hours. Seeking genuine advice, experiences, and truths about how this will likely go on my own. Much appreciated ❤️

like

So I am contemplating quitting consulting and becoming a stay at home mom just because it’s very stressful on my husband (he’s going up for partner) and he can’t always be at home when needed or

like

I have been mixing baby formula in spring water for the last 3 months (baby is 10
Month old now) and I just found out that spring water can lead to mineral overdose. I am freaking out

like

Help! We were 100% sure we were having a boy and surprise! It’s a girl! Very excited but have no strong feelings on any girl names. Any suggestions or favorites to share?? 🎀

like

How much do you pay older kids, early teenager, who comes to babysit a toddler. What are something you expect? Hiring someone first time and want to the norm

like

McK fish-do you all know it Cigna covers pelvic floor therapy?

like

I interviewed (Phone) for a job 3 months ago and they just got back to me for another interview but now I’m 6 weeks pregnant....

like

Mamas, any precautions have been taken to protect your babies / toddlers from being infected with the COVID19?

like

Need advice on weaning my 13 month old. Trying to go down to just morning and evening feeds. She takes a bottle from the nanny during the day (I’m still nursing once midday) but then on the weekend she wants to nurse all the time and will not take a bottle or cup of milk. I’ve tried having someone else give it to her, holding out, etc. She just cries and cries. Any suggestions?

like

Are there any moms who are EMs at McKinsey? What is life like for you there while raising your little ones? I have 3 young kids and a recruiter reached out to interview for EM and I’m definitely interested but need to know more about what it’s like being a working mom there. Thanks!

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.