{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Pregnant in 3rd trimester, everyone talks about connection with the baby... I don't know if I have it.. will I get it after the birth? I'm more focussed on work than pregnancy. Somethi wrong with me? ", "post_id": "5da0aa17d4bf7d00206df78f", "reply_count": 8, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Pregnant in 3rd trimester, everyone talks about connection with the baby... I don't know if I have it.. will I get it after the birth? I'm more focussed on work than pregnancy. Somethi wrong with me?

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Nothing wrong with you, sometimes it takes time and actual implementation 😉 Go easy on yourself, lots of adjustment and work ahead so be kind to yourself and pay attention to signs if you need support or think you may have postpartum depression later on.

likeuplifting

Best advice i got was that having a baby is like falling in love. Some fall fast and some need time. I didn’t feel a true connection to my baby until he was 10 weeks old. It’s totally normal

likehelpful

I wasn’t at all sure if I’d like being a mom or even love my baby until she was born. Don’t pressure yourself. Nature mostly ensures it; but if you notice the feeling persisting seek support after baby is born.

likeupliftinghelpful

Good to know that I'm not alone

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I had similar thoughts even right after giving birth. I had a tough delivery and was healing, and it was a lot thinking about how this little baby is here and I’m supposed to have a crazy amount of love for him. Your hormones are insane, too. I think I cared more about keeping him safe and fed than consciously bonding with him. It did, though, and he’s my world now. I would also say don’t be afraid to talk about those feelings. I had a good friend who had PPD and got the help she needed early because her amazing husband actually listened to her feelings.

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I felt a connection to my babies while I was pregnant in terms of noticing their habits and patterns (like being active at night for the first and active in the morning for the second). But they weren’t contextualized as real people until after birth— just nameless, faceless beings. And even then, it took me a bit to build that connection on a level deeper than a drive to keep baby alive. Like the others said- pay careful attention after birth for signs of PPD, but don’t worry. You’ll bond with your baby. ❤️

I don’t think the bond forms naturally so definitely nothing wrong. I think it’s imagination, about being aware of their habits, talking with them and dreaming responses back from time to time. In a way it doesn’t naturally develop but is “forced”, and probably “platonic” i.e. felt by mom rather than actually impacting the baby.. To “force” yourself to feel it you need headspace, time. With this work, on tough projects it’s not possible to do that and it’s perfectly normal. There were days when I didn’t even notice if there were movements until the end of the day, so focused on work.. Doesn’t mean there’s something wrong, you’ll have plenty of time to actually form a real bond once the baby is born. You can give a try to taking a few mindfulness minutes to talk to the baby and dream if you want to get yourself a bit more in the mood, but no need to force or feel bad if you don’t feel like it or don’t have headspace / even physical space at work!

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