Pretend we’re a couple and use one sentence to start an argument.

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"I just think its funny how you..."

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You’ve got a bigger D than your brother

helpful
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Friendly reminder: you don’t work so technically it’s not “our” money

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Ooof

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Vanilla mode: Leave the wet towel in the bed

Medium mode: I didn't like the new curtains you've bought

Hard mode: I told you so

Extreme mode: Have you gained some weight? or Do you wanna order a salad?

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That’s what she said

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I never had this problem when I was with your brother

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Jeez LOL

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My father wouldn’t be desperate enough to bang your mother.

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🤣🤣🤣Oh my god! Laughed so hard.

I cheated on you with your best friend

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Is this the intern who hasn't been with anyone?

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You would be prettier if you smiled more often

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Did you brush your teeth today

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Ohhh 😂😂

Are you really going to wear that

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I wish you were thick

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You lack basic communication skills.

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You’re acting like your mother…well that gets my actual wife riled up so we’ll go with that, OP.

likefunny

Or "you act like my mother" " you two are so alike"

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I am playing golf tomorrow

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Your ex is a way better parent than you

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Here’s comes the one-minute man again.

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I wish you were more like my ex.

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That’s a good one

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So we agree - I’m the head of this household

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You’re drunk

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You must be getting your period.

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Oh hell no!! This will really start an argument 😝

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Have you put on weight?

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You're drinking ANOTHER beer?

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