{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Private school or public education? Considering options for our middle schooler. Does private school give you an extra edge in life?", "post_id": "6248e2138a56ba0030f66b23", "reply_count": 259, "vote_count": 15, "bowl_id": "5e6fe1c31f5e51001d267e46", "bowl_name": "The Work-Life Bowl", "feed_type": "bowl" }
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Private school or public education? Considering options for our middle schooler. Does private school give you an extra edge in life?

likehelpful
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The greatest edge you can give them would be attentive homeschooling, but not all families are equipped to take this route. Homeschooling teaches personal accountability for their education from a young age, and they have exponentially more options to explore areas of interest prior to traditional high school graduation at 17 or 18 years old. Most homeschooled students I know began at least one college level class or apprenticeship/internship before completing high school, which led a better sense for what they want in life. I homeschooled myself all the way through high school through an online program, and I could not be more grateful for the way it kickstarted my career! The flexible format allows for the education to be truly tailored to the child's learning style, needs, and talents. Our social lives bustled with friends and extracurriculars during hours when all the neighbor kids had to be in school. Just be prepared to enforce strict rules around internet usage during school time. I can't imagine trying to focus on schoolwork with a handheld device pinging from my pocket all day! Also be sure to sign them up for plenty of local homeschool events so they can make friends not tied to the traditional school timeline. That way when they finish school at 1pm they will have someone to ride bikes with ;) Again, this isn't a solution everyone is equipped to offer their children, but it is the most personalized launch-point you can give your middle schooler.

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Do you have the money to fully fund 4 years of private college, plus whatever master’s and doctoral degrees your child may want? If not, I think your money would be better spent there. Move to an area with a better school district if necessary. I was a private school kid, and wish my parents had paid for my college in-full instead (even though they paid for part of it and paid my living expenses). Also please fully vet any religious school you choose. My high school taught me Young Earth Creationism, that homosexuality was up there with murder, and that a woman can never have an abortion, even to save her own life, because in that case it’s God’s will that that ectopic pregnancy killed her. In fairness to my parents, the public schools in their state are at the very bottom nationally as well. Also my private school didn’t have accreditation for AP classes. My husband went to a very highly ranked private high school that cost more than our private college. It was an all-boys Catholic school with a much more balanced religious and political philosophy and the education was excellent. But half of his class was molested by a teacher, who would invite high school boys to his house to “tutor” them, give them alcohol, and assault them. The only reason it didn’t happen to him is because he was in remedial math. Yes, I know public school teachers can molest students too, but private school fosters much closer relationships with teachers that can leave more room for these things to happen. I don’t know any public school teachers who have kids over to their house.

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Find a good public school they can go to, open a bank account for them and drop what you would have spent on tuition in there for when they get to college/trade school. IMO it’s less about the schooling and more about how education is perceived at home. If you show them you care and important, that’s worth more than the ‘edge’ they might get from private and they’ll have a decent chunk of cash to invest however they choose

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I send my kids to our "troubled" urban public schools instead of private schools. My kids are learning how to work with all kinds of people. They have empathy for diverse kids who may be living in poverty. They're still doing lots of work, and being a part of our community, instead of isolated from the community. And I never have to raise money, and I'll save hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of their education.

likesmart

And

Where are you located?

Public school exposes your kids to many different backgrounds. That’s an important life experience. Teach them at home to value education. As long as the public school isn’t horrible then it’s the cheaper and better way to go.

likesmarthelpful

I think you might be over emphasizing diversity a bit here...

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Private school kids grow up being a different kind of breed tbh

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Area dependent, NYC public school kids are socially savvy, Midwest - not so much. In my Midwest public school no one wants to complete reading assignment and I was bored to death.

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I went to both and now homeschool my daughter 🤪 The old addage that homeschooled kids won’t be social is hilarious and ancient and honestly shows someone’s age. Prior to Covid, I could hardly keep up with all the classes, programs, and activities my daughter was in daily/weekly and we never once took part in a co-op. Libraries offer tons of programs and two neighboring counties parks and rec offer homeschool PE classes and others. My daughter also attends an outdoor school program once a week for 3 hours a day to gain exposure to learning with nature as well as…shocker…to socialize 🙄

It cracks me up people talk about how homeschool kids can’t be socialized well when in traditional school, kids get punished for socializing and must remain quiet all day except for lunch and recess 🤣

I’m able to do it as a full time, single parent…so anyone can do it and it’s the best choice for us.

likesmartupliftinghelpful

My cousin was homeschooled and definitely could have benefited from the social learning that comes with in person school. She is doing fine but ended up at barely above a community college and married right out of undergrad. Her career aspirations did not align with her grades and she struggled with executing. Has a job but was a long road and not in the industry she wanted. Just presenting another experience.

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The cancel culture took over by reporting the thread replying to Attorney 1.
The mental fragility showcased should be a sign that our education system needs to be overhauled. If respectful discourse gets shut down, we truly don’t have much hope as a society.
We need to be better.

likefunnysmart

The irony of using the phrase “cancel culture” and “mental fragility” in the same sentence.

Also, adaptation is a scientific fact. Anti-God? Maybe by some but the majority of this nation, including teachers, practice religion so unlikely.

I was in Greek life at a large state university and the kids from the major private schools were 2x as wild as the public school kids. Could just be selection bias but my experience was that I would never send my children to those private schools in a million years

likesmart

Well, at the school my kid goes to, ending up at a large state school would be just the sports recruits…not a good representation of the actual school.

Joking aside. I’m a public school kid married to a private school kid. It’s night and effing day. Their HS friends are doctors and lawyers and professors, mine work in auto body shops and as bank tellers. I made my way into higher Ed by grace of god and student loans and many, many, many part time jobs. They strolled though the ivies.

As for liberal indoctrination? Sure. Sign me up for a school that reinforces our family tenets of honor, kindness and charity. Did they teach them about transgendered people? Yep. And folks with physical differences or learning differences or family differences. The lessons across the board? Be kind. That’s it. Not justice warrior 101, just human beings 101.

Recently discussing a (non school) contact who doesn’t use pronouns at all (?) and I was a bit miffed. The kid asked me a question that proved, I think, that they got all the messages just fine without becoming a judgmental zealot: “why do you care?”

Indeed. I do not.

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Depends where you are. I went to $30K/yr private school preschool-highschool. I think it gave me an edge. Although, our public schools were hell on earth. Wasn’t really a choice

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In the end my public education was brilliant and more robust than that of my friend that went to the private school. I had a middle school friend who went to the private high school her first year and transferred back to public school because our larger school offered more arts and language classes than the private school did.

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It depends on where you live, I’m in a place with excellent public schools, and plenty of other schools districts that are 30-45 mins away from me are highly regarded as well. Very few people around here send their kids to private school after prek.

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I am evaluating buying a house in a good school neighborhood and paying 3000/month in property tax or buying a house for 30% less in price in a commuter friendly neighborhood and paying 2500/month for a private school. Economically the two options are the same. Time management wise private is better.

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It’s probably area specific. The public schools where I am in the northeast are superior to the vast majority of private schools. They are better funded, pay their teachers better, and have better programs

likehelpful

Very, very specific to the region, state, and school system. We live in one of the best public school systems in the country, and the public schools are far superior to any of the private schools. And yes, the kids get into all types of colleges, including ivies. My daughter got the highest academic scholarship available at every college she applied to. So I vote for public. But I understand that not all public school systems are this fortunate.

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Private school gave me a lot of successful peers and probably sheltered me a bit from some bad elements. I have 4 boys...all of which went to and currently attend private school. I've been very pleased that they are all well balanced and have not brought home any real issues with bullying, drugs, or any extraneous bullshit that we hear in schools these days. They also attended school through most of covid, which was not the norm in the Boston area. Academic wise...public schools can provide as good or possibly better for the kids who really rise to the top, but I was pleased with the academics as well.

If you can afford it...I don't see much in the way of negatives. Maybe a bit less diversity, but if you live in the best neighborhoods...which many on this app probably do...your public school probably isn't very diverse anyways.

likesmartupliftingfunny

Even the avg public schools in MA are better than most of the country

I ain’t payin $40,000 a year for private school so that’s that lol

likefunny

Unless the public schools in your area have metal detectors, public school should be fine. It’s more efficient to use the money towards personal tutors and a college fund. Plus, public school exposes your kid to a wider range of people, which is a good thing.

likesmart

Honestly it’s a toss up because even charter schools are competitive. It really depends on the area you are living in. The curriculum that private and public are doing, as well as your kids willingness to learn. I had a mix of both and my public high school was well known since it was in an affluent area as a feeder school for UNC, NC State, and Duke.

likesmart

Wakefield

Private school 🧡

likefunny

10000% agree

likefunny

I went to public school and then a top 10 university. I found most of the private school kids to be idiots because they got in based on their parents money, so I don’t see any edge unless you are in a struggling public school area.

like

I think private school is a GIANT WASTE OF MONEY.

I’ll move to a bougie area with great schools (that don’t indoctrinate my children with crap) and save money for college so they don’t have to have student debt.

likefunnysmart

We’re talking about Public school

I come from a first generation working class immigrant family and went to a local non-selective public school where kids are equally stuck in a bubble - just of a different kind. One defined by teenage pregnancies, petty crime and under achievement. I lucked out by having the privilege of being born to pushy Asian parents.

Nevertheless, it took a particular set of stars to align for me to succeed academically and then - crucially - have the right career guidance as I was starting out. Things which private schools just provide you with, but which I had to feel out for myself.

Do I wish every public school student had those resources? Absolutely. But in the absence of that, I’ll likely be sending my two kids private to give them the best possible set of resources. We are active in the local community, faith groups (which are socioeconomically diverse) and frequent trips to the old country to make sure my kids have perspective and understand their privilege.

likefunny

It all depends on the school. My kids started at a 10 rated public school. Both were bullied on numerous occasions and they did nothing about it. They were also really overcrowded and continuing to grow. Eventually we pulled them out and put them in Catholic school. It’s been a lot better. No bullying and I love that they have things that our public didn’t have (eg PE twice a week vs once every 6 days, foreign language in elementary school, volunteering in the school day every quarter etc).

likesmart

My child was also bullied multiple times in her school. The administration was more interested in sweeping dust under the rug than addressing the issue. My DH eventually got tired of it on the third time, he went to the bus stop at yelled at the offender who was a kid. I am not proud of it but it did the trick. You wouldn’t believe in year 2022 so many teachers and other parents thinks “boys are just boys and he didn’t mean it” and ask the girls not to be overly sensitive when her personal property were destroyed multiple times. There was some offensive, inappropriate hugs involved.

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I would save the private school for college — that’s when it really matters. I grew up in public school and ended up just fine, but from anecdotes from my wealthy coworkers at JPM, it was wealth comparison everyday at school, feeling broke constantly even when they were the privilege

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This is very real. Even the public schools in the most boujie parts of Houston is full of kids who make comparisons of how much money each other's parents have. I can only imagine what private school can be like. Not very good for kids to associate monetary value to one's worth at such a young age.

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