{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Put kids in day-care now and they’ll put you in an old-age home later. We’re increasingly becoming averse to a family-cantered life. True?", "post_id": "5dd1437a3d172700214448f7", "reply_count": 181, "vote_count": 62, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
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Put kids in day-care now and they’ll put you in an old-age home later. We’re increasingly becoming averse to a family-cantered life. True?

likefunnyhelpful
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My parents both worked full time. They were neo natal intensive care consultants.

At 33, I remain hugely inspired by my mum’s example, her hard work, and her love of intellectual fulfilment. She pushed through university as part of the first female class in her med school, and she achieved amazing things in her career - not least saving the lives of hundreds of people, and making the lives of others less painful and better cared for. And yes - it meant that we didn’t get amazing home cooked dinners every night and I walked myself to school. I think that’s also awesome. I learnt to be independent, thoughtful and challenge myself.

So no, I think your assertion is way too simplistic. There are some who want to stay at home with their kids - brilliant. Others don’t - also brilliant. The worst outcome is that people aren’t able to choose for themselves.

likeupliftinghelpful

I’m the 4th generation of women to go to university in my family and I am so inspired by those who have gone before me. My grandmother was almost fired when she got married in 1944 - only kept her job because the law changed to allow her to keep working. And she always did because she loved the challenge. What a legend!

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My mother was a stay at home mom. She became bitter and depressed for having no life outside of her children and the home, and no financial independence. We have almost no relationship now, and she walked out on my family when my sister was 14 (I was already out of the house at 25).

My coworkwer’s mother was a single working parent and rose the ranks to cfo of a major financial bank (talking multi-mil salary a year). My coworker wishes her mom was home more growing up, but they have a great and close relationship.

In summary: it doesn’t fucking matter whether you stay at home or not, you as a person (man or woman) needs to take care of yourself and your needs while supporting your family and being the best parent you can be. People are not bad parents because they work; people are only bad parents if they neglect their children for any reason, one of which can be work.

It’s 2020. Your children want you to have a life outside of them because when they grow up they want a life of their own too outside of their kids.

likesmartuplifting
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How do you propose parents look after the child without daycare when they have full time jobs?

likehelpful

hey boomer, #wfh, #digitalnomad lol

funny

I have a stronger and better relationship with my kid because I work. The time with him is more precious and cherished. Both my parents worked when I grew up and I’m closer to them than my friends with a stay at home parent are to theirs. Every family is different.

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D1 I was only addressing your question about why the assumption that your parents might want to live with you when they get older. I'm with you on the other point, as you can see from my other comment on this thread.

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Mike Pence, is that you? How’s Mother doing?

likefunnyhelpful

God damn you found out!

funny

OP do you have kids? I ask because your statement may miss some fundamentals of the parent-child relationship.

While mine didn’t go to traditional day care, they did go to preschool which helped them learn and socialize with other kids better than they would’ve by being home. It’s hard to see how a different arrangement would’ve impacted our relationship in any way.

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My husband and I both work, and our kid goes to preschool/daycare full-time (9-5ish) but believe me, we definitely have a bond with our kid. Mornings, evening, and weekends are plenty, and he definitely loves and trusts us more than anyone in the world (yes including his teachers, he does not see him as his parents) and he shows lots of love and affection towards us.

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Take this garbage topic somewhere else.

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likefunnysmarthelpful

False. Neither daycare nor an “old-age home” are fundamentally bad. Yes, both kinds of centers you’ll find along a spectrum that provide poor to excellent care and the cost for them is usually directly related to the quality of care. I enjoy my job but I also live a very family-centered life and work to provide for my family. My kids have gone and go to great daycares where they get more people who care about them and are invested in their development. They get socialization and learn skills and have more creative opportunities than they would probably get if they stayed home with one of us. And by earning a good salary, my family will have better economic outcomes over time.
My grandparents had varying experiences from living in their own apartment, to a nice retirement community, to a more focused hospice/medical care facility. These places all provided more than my parents could have done on their own and made my grandparents more comfortable as they aged. We visited regularly and would also bring them to be with us at home for dinners, holidays, etc.
It is up to families how they care for each other and the facilities can be used as a tool for additional support but they’re not a sign of some societal breakdown.

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Don’t feel bad OP. You raise a valid point. In this politically correct world, people stop having proper discussions as people shut you up assuming their ideology is superior.

likehelpful

Is it valid though? My three kids don’t think so...

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I’m really confused at all the hostility directed toward this post. Why?

likeuplifting

West Monroe 1, that is exactly what OP said, and I think that’s what OP meant. I totally understand the need and reasons for both, but it is definitely a “feature” of our Western society.

Coming from the East, I’ll say that it is an honor to have your parents grow old, surrounded by young children a generation or two downstream from them. It is a gift to have them pass away in your home. The reverse gift for pouring their life into you when you were a wee little tyke.

We have abandoned this multi-generational model of life. Both daycare and nursing homes are just symptoms of the western culture of extreme individualization. No matter how you’re compensated, dare I say we’re all poorer for it?

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Oh this should be a good thread. Way to ignore stagnant wages and depression of the middle class. One factor requiring families to pursue dual incomes.

Note: I’m not discounting the point of equality in the household, nearly adding to the overall argument

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After reading all these comments if anyone’s down to let me be their trophy husband/a stay at home dad, I volunteer. I can have my things packed by eod.

likefunnyuplifting

My wife and I do not believe the love she provides our children can be purchased in the market. It’s surprising how many people think that it can, or don’t even consider this to begin with.

likefunny

So true, thankfully we can survive on one income, and my kids get to have at least one parent around most of the time. Not a luxury I got as a child but wanted my kiddos to have that

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As a 30 year old male, I would love nothing more than to quit my job and become a stay at home dad... and that’s what I plan to do when I have a kid.

Consulting is a frivolous career path and I refuse to pass up spending as much time as possible with my future kid(s) to pursue a “career” in this pyramid scheme of an industry to make buck, of which most will go to buy things I don’t need and pay for child care.

likeuplifting

Yeah you haven’t taken care of kids until you’ve been up 3 times a night for at least a year. Mic drop, only because I’m too tired to hold it.

likefunny

Not true. Next.

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Both my parents worked for a nursing home and I used to volunteer there so I’ve come across many reasons why people have to leave their loved ones in 24-hr skilled care facilities. Some families visit their relative once a year. Others will come every single day and I’m sure it’s killing them that they can’t care for their loved one on their own (like retired spouses). For some nursing home residents, being plugged into a machine is the only thing keeping them alive. Residents or their power of attorney decide how much intervention they want to keep them alive since death is inevitable.

As well, personally, both sides of my family have struggled with the choice of how to care for my aging grandparents as their medical issues increased, modern medicine has kept them alive, but the care they needed surpassed anything anyone in the immediate family could provide. There were a couple incidents for each where they probably shouldn’t have made it but medical advances kept them alive. They’ve all since passed on now, but no, I don’t see the correlation between daycare and nursing homes, but rather a decision necessitated by increased life expectancy and the issues that come with it.

As well, nuclear families have gotten smaller and siblings live apart from each other so the burden is not equally shared. I guess that in itself could lend itself to the argument that we are no longer as family centered because we as a society are having less kids and live farther apart from family we do have. Not an easy decision to make when people are waiting to have kids and have to manage care for both young kids and aging parents. Burnout and depression are risks and the reality for many caregivers.

Sorry for the long rambling response but this a deeply personal decision and something I do not look forward to making for my own parents in the hopefully very distant future.

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Wtf

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Absolute statements are often bred of ignorance

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Huge logical leap, not a whole lot of sense being made here. Plz fix.

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