{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Question— do you share your comp with close friends?\nMe and my roommate have been friends forever and while I don’t really share my specific pay, Im not sure if I should share it with her. \nWhen she got promoted she told me her comp tho I didn’t ask. Today I found out I was promoted (🎉) and left that part out. She asked me if I knew what my raise would be and I just told her the % but not the actual amount. Is that unnecessarily secretive? We’re in diff industries too.", "post_id": "60aeb279ddb4ea0022fd31d2", "reply_count": 45, "vote_count": 9, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

Question— do you share your comp with close friends? Me and my roommate have been friends forever and while I don’t really share my specific pay, Im not sure if I should share it with her. When she got promoted she told me her comp tho I didn’t ask. Today I found out I was promoted (🎉) and left that part out. She asked me if I knew what my raise would be and I just told her the % but not the actual amount. Is that unnecessarily secretive? We’re in diff industries too.

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My close friends who are in comparable white collar jobs - we discuss money and salaries. About how to negotiate, how much we should spend on housing, investing, how we decided to combine or not with our partners, what stock options may be worth, whatever. It’s not a constant topic but it comes up and feels natural. I’m glad I have that intimacy and comfort with these people. I don’t feel like I can talk to my family about money so for me it’s really helpful to have a sounding board. Is $6,500 really too much rent in SF or NYC, or is it actually ok for a couple with a HHI over $400k? My friends have such a more relevant perspective on this than anyone else I know, and I like having people to talk to about it. But also, none of us are going to be mad that someone is making 225K and the other is making 275k. While that’s a lot of money difference, we are all making a lot so we are dealing with similar financial pictures. And, it changes who’s on top. I would not discuss it with someone who was not in a similar income bracket to me, and even within that I normally discuss it with my friends who have similar “spending” patterns.

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👏 Friends 👏 tell 👏 friends 👏 their 👏 pay. True friends will feel happy for you if you earn more than them and will think no less of you if you earn less. The only ones benefitting from the secrecy are the employers trying to maintain inequalities to save their own nickels and dimes.

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Money is a weird thing, and comparison does the seeds of discontent. With friends I don’t share, especially as most of them either make substantially more than me (portfolio managers) or substantially less than me (teachers and artists). Industry peers, I will share comp ranges to benchmark.

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Yes if they ask - it’s helpful imo to see what others are making so when you look for jobs, you can have some additional real life data points! I don’t proactively share out if not asked though.

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I agree with that and I 100% believe in sharing pay so ppl can figure out what they’re truly worth- I just don’t know if it applies in this scenario. Also would you characterize her asking if I knew what my new comp would be as her asking my pay outright? I didn’t feel as such but could be wrong! I agree FA1 I like to just give range but not to the dollar.

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I would never discuss comp with friends. One person will end up feeling bad and why does a friend need to know anyway.

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But if it helps them realize they are undervalued, and spurs them to look for a new opportunity to make sure that they are compensated appropriately, why wouldn't you do that? Transparency in comp with my friends is huge, because it makes sure that none of us are leaving anything on the table.

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Nope none of their business and often sparks comparisons/jealousy that doesn’t serve the friendship well

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This is my fear! I already know I make more than her albeit less than $10k but I have much less experience than her and she’s competitive so I just think it’s a recipe for disaster

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i don’t mind sharing when it is helpful info (like when a close friend of mine with a similar skillset is applying for jobs), but i don’t share when it’s unnecessary or might make somebody feel insecure (lots of teacher friends who love their jobs but are balling on a budget)

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If they ask, yes! I'm all about helping my friends network or talk through salary stuff, so many women don't get this chance and are paid less than they're worth. I don't just readily volunteer this information though because that would be weird and I would never want to make anyone feel like I thought my pay defined my self worth, especially when I have so many brilliant and wonderful friends who work for nonprofits doing much more important but also much less compensated work than me. But if a friend at a nonprofit wanted to talk about leaving that world and what kind of salary to shoot for? I'll talk their ear off if they want.

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my family doesn’t know how much I make.

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No I don’t with my elementary school teacher friends who are making 50k but with friends in similar industry/role yes for sure. Companies love hiding compensation we need to make it more public IMO

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I used to (also as part of promotion celebrations) and then friends started getting weird so I stopped. I don’t think it’s being overly secretive if you don’t want to at all

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I think this is another way where girlfriend social norms don’t translate well into the professional world. Men brag and compete aggressively against each other but they have transparency and data. Women keep things secret bc we don’t want to risk getting our feelings hurt or hurting others. We falsely believe the systems governing comp decisions are “fair” so therefore someone making more than another suggests something about the caliber of the individuals. When most of the time it is a crapshoot of the circumstances (and men know this more - hence they are in the club / in the same game). If your friend asked you directly, and she shared with you before, would find a good oppty to share back. I mean, isn’t most of our pay Google-able on Glassdoor these days?

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Yea I see what you’re saying and there is some truth to that but I feel like you’re a bit off in you’re reasoning bc for ex. It doesn’t apply to me. For me personally I know the comp system is arbitrary bs and so I make sure all my friends are getting paid and prioritize pay since Financial freedom/security is huge to me and I do the same for myself. She actually was severely underpaid for almost 2 yrs and when I found out I felt awful and encouraged her to speak up about earning more. So when she got a promo they bumped her up + did an adjustment on her pay, which she then excitedly told me. I guess I should share my own when the times right but just didn’t feel it’s all that necessary and knowing she was underpaid for awhile and has more experience than me I didn’t wanna throw salt in a wound type thing ya know? But like I said I’ll share in the future when appropriate!

Yes. Especially if they're at similar companies.

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Just to add an example, one of my friends realized she was about 20K underpaid after we had discussions among our friend group. She was pretty pissed off, and went and successfully negotiated a raise.

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Yes, if we are in similar industries!! Otherwise not unless they ask

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Yes I talk to my friends about this. Agree with the statements about them realizing if they are underpaid or undervalued. Also... then I know what they can afford and who to ask to do certain things 🤷🏼‍♀️

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yea, its part of just life conversations

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I think it's important to share comp information to know about other career paths and what to expect. No one benefits from the silence

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I only share if its really helpful to the convo. Everytime Ive said so in the past I see their face melt. I dont need the awkwardness. The only person i freely talk about finances with makes about the same i do.

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I agree that it’s important for transparency and knowing your value, but in my experience it has only brought jealousy/spite.

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I dont even tell my husband what I make so you know I'm not telling close friends. Lol.

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How do you all handle finances? What about filing taxes? Genuinely curious!

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Yes. I share with all my friends in my industry/role. How else will we know if we are being compensated fairly?

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I agree when it’s same industry, it’s just we’re pretty different, she’s accounting I’m consulting so I didn’t see the need but I’ve decided I’ll mention it the next time it’s appropriate to do so

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