Question for a friend: still WFH with a 2 & 4 year old. Have a nanny that comes daily, but nanny just watches kids, does not engage. Kids constantly bugging parent while working & only wants parent. Example: kid crying at office door for parent, nanny knocks on door to tell parent kid is crying at the door. Any strategies on how to help kids understand parent is working during the day (so sad, mom won’t play with me!) and for managing with nanny to help keep kids occupied?

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I’d find a new nanny.

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Nanny needs to be fired as soon as you are able to source an actual nanny. Nanny is not doing nanny’s job.

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Definitely find a new nanny with more experience.

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If the parent is frustrated and hasn’t brainstormed ideas on how to make it work, it seems like having an experienced nanny would better serve the family. Some people don’t want to train someone. They want a person who is ready to take charge.

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If they like the nanny but she’s just inexperienced, then they could sit down together and map out a loose plan for the day. Playground or outside time, Storytime, snack, lunch, naps, art project, etc. If she lets the nanny drive them in the car, maybe they sign up for a weekly class (music, gymnastics, whatever). Definitely be 100% direct with the nanny about not being interrupted for non-emergencies. That should be a given, but since it’s not, mom needs to be direct about it. And sounds like the nanny just needs help with a routine. Also maybe mom blocks 15-30 minutes each day for “mom time” - I know for some kids knowing mom time is coming at the same time each day, it just becomes part of the routine (obviously if that makes separation again too hard, then maybe not, but just an idea).

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She sounds more like a babysitter than an experienced nanny, so if they want to make it work, I’d have a convo about expectations rather than immediately terminating her.

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Agree with all of the above. Actual Nannies know to keep kids entertained and away from parents, and plan engaging activities for them. Even my college aged after school babysitters (not what I would consider a real “nanny”) knew to get my kids outside or have a craft or activity ready for when they started to get bored and wanted to bug me.

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Maybe give the nanny a list of activities with schedules to keep them busy. I have 2 little once myself and I know how you feel

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I would def be on the nanny hunt. We had a similar one before and was SO worth the trouble to find a new one. Our new one is amazing and engages the kids the entire day every day!!

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Sounds like a bad babysitter and not a “nanny”. You need to set clear expectations that the sitter needs to have planned activities each day with at least one outing like going to the library, pool, playground etc.

This post is exactly why I proudly send my kids to daycare. They are in a room with licensed care givers that have an actual lesson plan with activities, a playground and it’s a TV free zone.

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I’d probably replace the nanny, but before I did, I would have a sit down with the existing one (without the kids present - send them with another parent or grandparent while you have this chat) and talk it through. I’d try to keep it less about blaming the nanny and more about challenges with the kids and your work.

Something like “I wanted to talk with you and brainstorm ideas to keep the kids engaged and happy without them coming to me during the day. I’m not meeting my work requirements with them disrupting meetings, so we need to keep them away from my office door. Since they know I’m in there and may come to my door anyway, I’m thinking we plan for activities outside the house as much as possible so I’m out of sight out of mind. Are you comfortable taking them to x, y or x? I can help set ideas for activities or places to go each day, or I can just give you a list of places they enjoy and you can decide together. If they’re giving you s hard time when you are at home, I’m thinking we work out a system - maybe you text me if there’s an issue and let me know if it’s critical where I’ll need to step away, or if they are just upset and need to go outside for a bit to re-set”

If that doesn’t work, new nanny.

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Needs a new Nanny.

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Thanks all! This is super helpful. Where does one find a nanny? My friend has been using care. com without much luck.

I used care.com. You have to actively reach out to the nanny’s since they are in such high demand. Message at least 20 to get some interest

likehelpful

I think new nanny would be good option but talk it over with the nanny first. Most problems can be resolved by talking about it.

I know, I know, it’s easier said than done! Many working moms struggle with giving feedback to their nanny. It’s far easier to give feedback to a subordinate at the office job than to the nanny because it’s personal; it’s in your home and involving your child. Still, You are paying for a service, talk to her about the quality of service you’re needing. If she is unable to provide the service you need, find someone else.

Something to consider: Some nannies are not a good fit for families who are WFH all the time, they do better with families where parents are outside home working all day. She may not be a bad nanny just not the right fit for the family so you need to ask about that in interviews.

If nanny doesn’t have previous experience caring for the age group of your kids ages she will have a learning curve and you’re going to have to train her and show her how things are done.

Few nannies IMO are good with toddlers. There is a lot of nanny turnover for that age group because many nannies just sit there and don’t know how to plan a routine with their charges which is much needed for toddlers to keep them from meltdowns.

If you’re going route of new nanny, find out what you’ll be getting in service before paying for it. Background check alone isn’t enough. Ask the right questions to determine her level of experience as a nanny and whether she had prior experience caring for # and same ages as your kids. Demand references of the families she’s claimed to have worked for, and a trial period to see her in action. References are the gold standard. If a nanny can’t provide references to prove her working experience as nanny that means she is either an inexperienced nanny or hiding bad references.

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