{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Question for immigrating generation parents or people with traditionally conservative mindsets raising daughters in this country.\nHow have you reconciled your traditional mindset and perhaps ideas on conservative dressing, piercings, ink etc with a daughter who is increasingly interested in it and headed into her teens. I do think body positivity is important but I'm also stuck maybe a generation behind where it comes to looking professional. What was your approach? (im the father if it matters)", "post_id": "5fee17fc686d9f0022f0ac87", "reply_count": 13, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "58f8108c753e990016608a0b", "bowl_name": "Desi Consultants" }

Question for immigrating generation parents or people with traditionally conservative mindsets raising daughters in this country. How have you reconciled your traditional mindset and perhaps ideas on conservative dressing, piercings, ink etc with a daughter who is increasingly interested in it and headed into her teens. I do think body positivity is important but I'm also stuck maybe a generation behind where it comes to looking professional. What was your approach? (im the father if it matters)

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As long as she isn’t planning on getting a tattoo on her face, she should be fine professionally. You can guide them but you really cant force them to do anything they dont want to do. I am not a parent but my high school aged brother lived with me for years while our parents were back home. He is a successful businessman now, has a tattoo on his back.

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It did. Although my parents expected him to become a doctor or an engineer so they are not too thrilled that he is a business owner. But I am very proud of him!

Piercings , ink etc are taboo in the US, not where I come from. Overall, stay out of their way and stop overthinking how they should behave professionally unless you’re also their employer.

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Yeah i think I've seen some "Ram" and "om" tattoos in India on forearms with a certain economic / demographic not all and nothing to the extent of full sleeves or lower back as here. but I'm sure it's widespread in North India as you indicate. It's not so much a question of "can you" have a tattoo vs should you. Like I said I am conservative minded with attire and I was curious on parents with similar values and how they navigated it - your answer of "don't shove your ideas" is an easy button - I get it - I'm looking for a more nuanced take on it.

It’s also worth mentioning that it has nothing to do with you being an immigrant. Most parents, everywhere, struggle with a generational gap and how to reconcile it. I think if you look beyond what you think is a result of you being an immigrant, you may be able to connect with a wider community of people who are asking the same sorts of questions around raising kids (including for example, social media exposure for kids)

uplifting

As a mother of a college going girl what I realized there are some battles you can win and there are some you won’t , so pick what is more valuable one to fight. Also having a open communication is very important and these kids are very smart you just need to put thought process in them even before they encounter a situation for example I told the examples of my American clients who got tattoos in their teenage years and how they regret it in being in corporate world now or a teenage mom story how she struggled, in the end I am not telling her my Indian way of doing things I am telling her the American life experiences. I got success with this approach and she says I am one of the best mom in her friends group in college, as most of the desi parents are so controlling kids do things behind their back she tells me how one of her friend maintains two closets or some of them maintain double life so having open communication is important

Thanks for sharing - the 2 closet thing is scary. Glad your transparent approach is working well. I think it's how I was brought up. What's been important is to not have her develop an attitude of looking down upon the ones in less fortunate outcomes as lesser people but understand that choices have consequences.

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