Question for the child free and undecided: Do you ever feel sad about giving up the ‘idea’ of being a parent? I like the idea of educating a child, comforting them, seeing them grow and, in a very primal sense, knowing that they will remember me (passing on my genes I guess?). Practically, I cannot imagine being pregnant or dealing of the sacrifices of parenthood. Still, when I think about a child free life, I feel depressed and sometimes angry, like I am mourning this “idea”. Anyone else?

33 and still no desire to have children. I keep expecting to have doubts and wonder what’s wrong with me that I don’t have any 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve never been sold on the idea of having children of my own. I think it was partly being raised by a single mom and watching my cousin and her husband raise their kids and how it drastically changed their lifestyle. I somewhat mourned this option when I had several large fibroid tumors removed and which left me infertile. I’m under 40 and totally okay with my decision. There’s also adoption. Or the option to have 3 more cats haha

Yes. I finally decided I'm going to try having one and see what happens since I'm getting to the age where I can't continue to be indecisive. For me, I think the life long regret of not having one ultimately outweighs the fear of the experience being a life long burden. My partner is very supportive of me and my career (I'm the ambitious one) and we've decided we're in this together no matter what happens. That helps. Good luck. Who knows what life has in store.

I wanted to be childless, had accidental pregnancy and am now a mom. I love the kid, but just here to say that I still wish I was childless. Moral of my story is; grass is not greener even if 98% of moms tell you it is.

Have never doubted my decision not to have children, I’ve always just had a very strong gut feeling it wasn’t the right path for me. Almost 30 and have yet to have any sort of “biological clock” moment, and don’t feel envious or sad in the slightest when I see others my age getting married/having kids. To be clear I’m not knocking the kids decision, but there’s lots of other choices in life that deserve to be celebrated and for me I get excited about other things I want to accomplish.

I did, until my sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and I became an aunt/godmommy. I get to watch her grow and aid in her education/upbringing without the financial commitment. I think you’ll be less likely to feel this way, possibly, if you had a really close friend or family member with little ones. I know it’s not the same as having your own by far, but it helps.

I feel this way sometimes. I like the “fantasies” I have about having children one day, but not interested in the reality. I agree with AA1. I love my first nephew from my sister in law, and I’m hoping my siblings will have children for me to enjoy too :)

Dealing with this myself. I have a medical condition that will be very difficult in pregnancy, so husband and I are having some serious talks about whether it makes sense to even try. The thought of not having a child makes me very sad, especially because we don’t have nieces and nephews. We’re considering fostering (although that’s a whole different level of commitment). While living the DINK life would be awesome as far as traveling, early retirement, and just being able to do what I want, when I want, I think I’m ultimately more saddened by the thought of potentially not having children and looking back on that with regret.

No. I’m adopted and I always figured I would adopt/foster/house a refugee when I’m in a position to do so. No desire to birth my own offspring. Seeing relatives struggle with special needs kids has put me off - it’s hard enough having a healthy child, but if your kid has special needs you are a carer for life.

No. I don’t like children. If I never saw a child again for my entire life, I would consider that to be a life well-lived. So no regrets there. Also, kids don’t fit into my FIRE goals.

I was undecided until I got a puppy. I know everyone says that puppies are not babies and that's true but there were a lot of similarities. My puppy needed to pee every 15 minutes. So it was constantly watching her and then potty breaks throughout the night at 11pm, 1am, 3am, and 5am. While we stood outside for at least 45 minutes because she got distracted and forgot to pee. She kept me up for 2 months when she got home because she would bark and whine downstairs looking for company while I tried to sleep. I taught her manners and skills every day so she would grow up to be a well behaved dog. I researched operant conditioning which is used in human psychology on how to teach things to people and used the same for my puppy (which is the most scientifically sound way of training dogs btw). I couldn't hang out with friends for 2 years since I got her, I had to rush home right after work to let her out to pee. I had to spend all of my evenings and weekends playing with her and training her. It was honestly hell. I had no time for myself, all my money was gone, the demon of a dog kept biting me and barking at me, I couldn't be with friends, no last minute plans, always looking for a dog sitter if I wanted 1 night to myself. And honestly, it made me want a child. One day my puppy grew up. She became such a polite dog. Doesn't run out of the house when the door opened, doesn't jump on counters, doesn't beg for food, goes to her bed when asked, perfect recall, doesn't chase squirrels, walks with a loose leash, heels perfectly when asked, we go on dinner and coffee dates together, we travel to world together, hike together, and at the end of a long day she cuddles with me and warms my feet. Going through all of that, hating her at times, hating myself for bringing her home, and then seeing her learn, grow, and become the best version of herself made me want kids. Everyone is different but for me, I really wanted to nurture another being and give it my all. I didnt realize that until I experienced a fraction of it. I'm still childless so perhaps I'm wrong but I'm deadset on being a parent now. I want to see my children grow up to be the best versions of themselves that they can be.

When I felt this indecision I volunteered with CASA. Essentially you act as a guardian ad litem for a child in foster care. It’s not as intense as it sounds - you get to choose the child that you work with. My experience was profound and meaningful and I’m so glad I mentored a child regardless of whether or not I ultimately decide to have children. I recommend it. If you don’t want to commit to being a volunteer for a long time I’d recommend working with an older child. The younger ones will be upset and not understand if you need to stop volunteering

I was unable to conceive for many years and it appeared I would not be able to conceive (which many years later turned out to be inaccurate). When I was told I would likely never be able to have children I mourned that lost opportunity. To get through that I started to think about all of the things I COULD do then and in the future because I didn’t have kids. I realized without kids and grandkids that so many people want to stay close to that my husband and I could spend our retirement in a camper traveling around the Country. I started looking at campers and planning our child free retirement. It’s ok to not have kids. You can be a mentor or tutor at your local school, a Big Sister, etc. if you still need that connection to shaping the lives of others.

NO. (Sorry, ladies. I have no regrets. I never did.) Apparently, when I was young, I told my parents I was not having childten. I told them something that big would not come out of a place that small, and it looked "icky" and I was not doing it.

Never regretted it for a minute.

It’s like I wrote this. Yes