Question for those who’ve had a wedding from someone who hasn’t - I know weddings are expensive, but if everyone gives gifts that roughly mirror the cost of the wedding, shouldn’t it kinda cancel out? Or are people not gifting high enough between cash & registry items? It seems like the couple really shouldn’t be experiencing a net loss, but the way people talk about weddings it seems like they are, and the gifts aren’t acknowledged as a “revenue” countering the “cost”? Please lmk, so curious!

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If you want to avoid any frustration, expect 100% loss. Means you can truly afford the wedding too!

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Wedding cost ~£30k for 100 guests. Some guests didn't gift at all (forgot?) and cash gifts varied in value but were mostly much lower than the cost per head (e.g. £25 gifts). We also received many unwanted non registry items such as a kitchen full of monogrammed Waterford crystal (which isn't our taste at all). We loved the wedding, had our favourite people there and wouldn't change a thing, but it was in no way a 'break even'

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It would be chad 😂

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No, gifts rarely add up to balance the full wedding cost

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You're not going to go out and sell your gifts in order to pay the caterer, and most of the things you are gifted are not things you would otherwise buy yourselves anyway, so it's not like you're saving that. So If you spend a lot of money, you are still out a lot of money, regardless of what people buy you. If people give you cash, sure, but I don't think most people are getting gifted anything near the cost of the wedding, except in cultures where that's specifically a thing.

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If your wedding costs $30 k, in the unlikely event that you are gifted $30 k worth of household goods, you still have $30 k less than you would otherwise, unless you had been planning on buying yourself those household goods.

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In my culture it's customary to give cash gifts at the wedding that would cover you + any additional guests (ex: $200+ per person). The idea is to make sure new couples start off financially secure and don't worry about any wedding debts.

My family has had $70k+ weddings that actually came out to be a slight "profit"

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Also fully aware that this isn't the norm for most.

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Planning a wedding right now. Even if the guests cover their own plate (e.g. NYC is mostly 200+ per plate), DJ, site fee, photographer, florist (surprisingly $$$) really add up.

The cash gift would help but I haven't heard a wedding that breaks even.

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In nyc most of my and my friends’ weddings were around 75-150k for about 150-300 people. Very rare to recoup costs.

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At ours, wedding gifts gifts covered at most 25% of the cost of our wedding.

A lot of people don’t gift at all. They forget or think no one notices.

The greatest shortfall is from the many guests who are not married yet themselves and they truly don’t get how expensive it all is. So they may give nothing or give a gift for $50 and tell themselves that’s “covered their plate”.

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Talk about jumping to conclusions. I was answering OPs question about likelihood of gifts to offset cost of wedding, with my examples illustrating that they do not.

Please curb your judgement. I feel no ill-will towards guests who give no or lower value gifts - I threw the wedding we wanted to celebrate our special day.

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This is not at all how you should be thinking of weddings. Gifts are not “revenue” and are entirely voluntary. Hosting a wedding is a lot like lending money to a friend or family member - if you can’t afford to be without that money, then you can’t afford to host the wedding.

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I am not planning a wedding or even engaged, I’ve just always wondered this! I’m going to a wedding next month and would like to “pay for myself”. (Thought that was the whole point of the gift - or at least how you determine your gift value? I spent $365 on gift registry item and feel like that has to cover my costs?)

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OP, ^ for the record, $1000 is on the huge side of a gift. Granted, I got married many years ago, but that was what my grandparents and in-laws gave us. In my area, $100 is considered generous.

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I have not had a wedding nor know approximate cost per head, but I usually gift $100 per person. So me + my +1 would gift $200.

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That’s about what we got per guest too, I think that’s pretty close to the average ~$100/guest. Some give more, some less, but on the average that’s about where it landed for us. For reference our wedding all in was about $400/guest (total wedding day cost/number of guests). That didn’t include hotel rooms and flights that we paid for so that people could attend, just the flat, day of wedding stuff, Venue, Music, floral, dinner, Officiant etc. That should answer your question expect a 75% loss, at best.

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I think this varies a lot by culture. I’m not Indian, but recall hearing it is standard for a certain level of Indian weddings to gift in cash to compensate for the cost of the event. Anyone who is actually Indian feel free to correct me. In western culture, (I.e my own wedding and weddings I’ve been familiar with), you gift an amount you feel like gifting irregardless of how lavish the wedding is.

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I got married in 2019 and we spent about $25k for the wedding with 90 guests. We received about $8k in cash/gift cards from our family and friends

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I figure $100 roughly covers a plate, so if it’s a close person I gift on top but otherwise sorry, as a distant guest I’m not helping the bottom line. Mostly it’s a financial loss and a big social gain (unless funded by in-laws…)

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FYI $100 typically doesn’t cover a plate, especially if there is alcohol. That’s a perfectly reasonable gift, and you should give what you are comfortable with. But, it’s a bad assumption to think it covered your plate cost. The lowest plate cost I’ve heard in recent years was $150 ours was over $250 per adult.

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I’m in the middle of planning a wedding now and it has been eye opening. I too had a similar thought before I started planning but I’ve learned a few things that helped me understand why that’s not the case 1) not everyone gives cash 2) the “cover your cost” usually is just focused on you meal, which is generously only 40% of the wedding budget according to the knot 3) wedding meals/bar are just way more expensive that people think - I usually thought that expenses for food/drink was about 100 a head but it’s likely close to double that and I don’t think most couples (especially not in consulting) are giving $400 to even cover their meal.

I’m amazed at how the cost add up and I don’t feel like I’m doing many add ons or upgrades. Needless to say, I’ll be giving cash going forward lol

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Not even close.

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I’ve been married 14 years so I’m not sure my experience is really relevant with current wedding trends but I’ve never heard of people acknowledging gifts as a stream of revenue. I feel like most people getting married now are usually somewhat established and don’t really put together a registry like they used to as they come into the marriage with items of their own. When my SIL got married ten years ago, I think she commented on their wedding costing $30K! I can’t imagine they received near that amount in gifts. I’m also curious to hear what others say!

Yeah, I wouldn't say guests' cash gifts would cover the whole thing. If you're lucky, it would cover maybe 50%.

Very unlikely you will get everything back unless you have Bill Gate or Jeff Bezos as a guest - jk! Realistically you should get about half or a little less than half. I got married this past July. Spent $40k on the wedding and got 18k in cash and gift cards.

It only cancels out of they gift cash, which is how my wedding was done. But then again, I am European ;)

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