{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Question: My boyfriend has been telling me and friends/family that he is going to propose “soon.” I told him that’s wonderful, but it’s starting to cause me anxiety because friends/family think there is going to be a proposal every single event because of the word “soon.” Today he let it slip that he doesn’t even plan for it to be in 2021 after about 6 months of waiting because he wanted to do an international trip? I’m older and the nature of the proposal isnt important. Anyway (contd below)", "post_id": "6179a7b007de43003d83bf0c", "reply_count": 10, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Question: My boyfriend has been telling me and friends/family that he is going to propose “soon.” I told him that’s wonderful, but it’s starting to cause me anxiety because friends/family think there is going to be a proposal every single event because of the word “soon.” Today he let it slip that he doesn’t even plan for it to be in 2021 after about 6 months of waiting because he wanted to do an international trip? I’m older and the nature of the proposal isnt important. Anyway (contd below)

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Today when I told him I was disappointed that it wasn’t this year (I started crying) especially since he keeps telling everyone “soon.” It’s making me wonder if he’s getting cold feet. I think it’s unfair for him to tell everyone and me that it’s “soon” all while knowing this is months and months away. I asked him maybe for a general time frame and he did not agree with that either….What do you think?

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Ugh why is he telling people at all. Besides his close confidants that can keep a secret, he should keep it to himself. That just puts more pressure on him and all eyes on the both of you.

One friend I know bought a ring that he told people about (so his gf ended up learning about) and waited over a year to propose. It was so awkward and everyone started to feel sorry for the gf (poor thing had a few breakdowns about it, and I don't blame her)

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Let this go when the timing is. I don’t know why this matters but I get I may be in the minority. Every female who was insecure because their man didn’t propose, have been just as if not more insecure after the proposal and even after marriage. Now what IS important in your post is If the cold feet question is a valid one then ask him directly. If the answer is no, and you guys have a transparent honest relationship snd you believe him, it shouldn’t matter when it happens.

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Have you two talked about marriage before? Maybe he is just trying to bring up the discussion of marriage. He might just want to reassure you and your family that you are his future even though he hasn’t proposed. You should definitely express how you are feeling & that it is making you upset that he told all these people close to you. Best wishes to you sis :)

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What was his reaction when you told him how you feel?

I went ring shopping with my now husband in November 2019. I knew he was designing the ring and it was being made. April rolls around and there still wasn’t a proposal. I didn’t ask, but he told me the jeweler was delayed because of COVID. I broke down, cried and said “I’ve waited so long for this (we dated for many years) and now it’s delayed because of COVID”. In the grand scheme of things a couple of months isn’t a big deal, but to me in that moment it was.

Turns out that was just an excuse, he received the ring in early March and was planning to propose on the beach but all the beaches were closed because of COVID. He felt terrible that I was so upset and proposed a few days after my meltdown (and I actually love the way he proposed much more than what he had planned).

TLDR: your feelings are valid. Make sure you let him know that the fanfare isn’t important to you. I think men spend a lot of time planning something special and waiting for the right moment, which ends up causing some frustration.

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Yup. So he reacted somewhat poorly and said I was crying over something that would soon happen. I reminded him that we talked of a timeline before the end of the year, but like the poster above, he complained that Covid has foiled his plan. I told him it’s not important but he seems to be angry/frustrated that I had a meltdown

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I actually really respect this opinion! I definitely wanted perspective. I think the biggest concern for me is that he does want children and I am 35. He also wants to have a wedding so pushing out this timeline is actually causing me to feel pressure. I know Covid likely foiled some of his plans but at some point we need to get on with our lives and I personally don’t feel comfortable removing birth control without the commitment and I also come from a traditional background. I am sure he’s frustrated, the biggest challenge is that I’m not sure he’s being realistic with time 😐

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You need to align with him ASAP on a timeline and set expectations. It is completely hurtful that he is getting your hopes up as well as your family and friends.

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