Question: the guy I’ve been dating for a while is a little awkward with pda & stuff. I try to be understanding & respect boundaries ( so not too much pda and stuff) specially around his friends. My question is this weekend he has a get together at his house & he told me his friends are flying from out of town. Initially I had family plans for this weekend & told him to do his thing. But earlier this week my weekend freed up for a day & i want to go to his party but he didn’t want me to …cont

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Um if you've been dating for a year and a half you should 100% be invited...you need to knock some sense into him.

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Thats the thing. She doesnt need to knock sense into him. She needs to do whats best for her not babysit him.

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I’m a guy and this sounds a bit strange. It honestly sounds like a maturity issue on his side.

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The man youre with should show you off as a sign hes proud to be with you. The man who cares about you will never confuse you and you’ll always know youre his priority.

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F here. I have a male best friend that doesn’t always invite his girlfriend to gatherings. Our friend group loves her. They’ve been dating for a few years but he feels like he can’t be his complete self when she’s around (which is a separate issue). The conversations change when spouses are in the room.

If he hasn’t seen these friends in some time it’s exactly what he says, they want to catch up and do guys things and perhaps discuss guy things. If you would be the only girlfriend there then I understand why he has not extended an invite. This one isn’t about you, or PDA, or not wanting to flaunt you in front of his friends. It’s about him having guy time and I think you should respect that.

likesmart

You would be the only girlfriend. I think that’s the difference. I don’t think the behaviors or conversations change much around random females but they do change when spouses enter the room.

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Just show up at the party! You deserve to be there. It’s NOT a guy thing if other girls are attending.

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OP, I would also be questioning if my bf didn’t want me to come. Whatever the real reason is, you can’t really control what he does. You can only accept it or not. If I was in your shoes, I would tell him to have a good time with his friends (I am F) and would have my own outing with mine. If this relationship is important to you, you must have clear communication going back and forth. So after the party gently ask how everything went and see what he says. I would try to have a candid conversation about your concerns and see how he responds. From there I would take this either as a red flag (maybe he is not the one) or come to peace after his explanation (don’t hold grudges - built-up resentment is the killer of relationships). Either way, there’s always some sort of lesson and a growth opportunity in every experience. Good luck!

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If you really want to meet the females I’d ask if the ladies should get together for a cocktail or something to give some testosterone time. Otherwise there should be anything wrong with a quick meet and hello before you go do your own thing for the weekend or at the end before they depart. Being the only couple would be weird, don’t make it weird.

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This is a huge red flag! If he can’t be normal or himself around you and his friends, I’d be questioning who he really is when you’re not around. You should be his BEST friend so the fact that you’ll be the only girlfriend there is ridiculous. He obviously separates you as a friend and girlfriend, which seems weird. Thinking long term, do you want to constantly deal with this? And what does he mean he won’t be able to enjoy his friends if he has to give you attention? Even if he’s off for 15 minutes with a guy friend, what’s the harm in checking in to say “are you ok?”, talking to you for a bit, then conversing with him friends, or even playing a game that you all can’t play. Something? It seems like he sees your presence as a nuisance when around friends and that’s not ok.

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I would bring up the topic with him again. A man’s mindset is the forefront of who he is in the relationship and as a person. If he doesn’t realize the role you play in his life and the importance of intertwining you, your relationship, and his life, I’d question your future. Because you’ll forever feel slighted and begin to grow resentment

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when I asked why, he said he can’t invite me bc he planned it diff since I wasn’t gonna be there & he doesn’t want to change the plans last minute. He said he wants to catch up & do guys stuff for the sake of old times with his friends & that’s what he promised them to recreate memories. Which is fine by the way the only issue is ..it’s not gonna be only guys, there will be other girls. He said he didn’t invite any girls and his other friends did and don’t care about the girls & he’s just looking forward to guys time. He said he don’t want to have an anxiety about entertaining me and he has guys activities planned with his friends and he won’t have enjoy it if I’m there bc he’ll have to give his attention to me. Even though I will be interacting with others and doing my own thing.


Am I wrong for being upset ? I want him to have guys time but if other girls are gonna be there , shouldn’t I be there as well whether it’s last minute or not ? Is this normal ? He’s not the player type & I trust he don’t talk to other girls in that manner but why is it such a big deal to invite me. I know most of his friends here and we get along well. But why such a a big deal about his outta town friends.

Define a while? Because if he’s the only one you know there then he will be tending to you rather than potentially catching up with friends. I still think the invite should be extended to you though

Y i k e s

How old are the two of you?

If you’re in a committed relationship, you should be able to communicate your needs and find the proper balance for the relationship. To me, it sounds like he doesn’t think his friends will like you, his friends have expressed they don’t like you because they’ve met you or heard negative things about you from him, and/or he doesn’t view your relationship as serious/long term so he doesn’t want you to hang out with his friends.

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He’s going to a party with other girls, and you can’t go? This is obviously a huuuuuuge red flag.

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