Read rant below: maybe some of you can relate:

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Maybe because I am freelance but...Wanted to send to the two of you because you would understand.

Today I sit in a WHITE studio with WHITE staff - I am the only person of color in this room. I can't laugh or play along like them, and I realize this is what's holding me back. Man...even the Spanish guy who owns this studio notices - AS the white PA's sit around and play on their iPhones - from across the room, the producer calls me for a very lowly chore. It's uncomfortable.

the more I work in production the more I notice just how White the industry is .... casting - how they talk about individuals - PRIVILEGE IS REAL. the way white people keep themselves on a floating ship while others are barely treading water...its a visual that I can't quite escape as a refugee

In the world of the white man - you DO NOT have to have experience - you just have to have an in. In the world of the POC - you are so aware of that privilege it makes you feel inferior - it's something that you can't seem to shake. It doesn't matter how hard you work because part of their tribe will always succeed more than you. But is it just me??

You are made to feel inferior and less than and I don't even think they notice it. Its about exclusion - it's about the way they laugh, the way they walk and most importantly the way they interact. it depends if they see you for who you are and rarely do they.

Sorry, I'm at work right now on a production for a commercial shoot for Google and from client to agency to creative...it's so fucking white - and even though they are nice - I feel like such an outsider - it's also because I am a freelancer and I just have to remember that. I wish I could shake this feeling - when someone speaks to you so differently then if they were to speak to one of their own kind - not one of their own kind - because we are all human - but to one of their white kind.

Then out of the blue - one person says something nice- who realizes what's going on...and they let you in - but is that necessary.

A few days later PA’s arrive. They notice the trend. I share this...what i wrote to the Black PA and she tells me she felt the same way.

The two faced people who don’t talk to one another THAT way but will easily talk to you with harm and disrespect.

A charger went missing, the POC IS TO BLAME. i want out but i also know this is how i pay my rent.

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THIS.

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I’ve studied and worked in majority white spaces for most of my life, but it still took years to get to a place where I could navigate them with confidence and - more importantly - without anger. Messed up as it sounds, the turning point for me was simply accepting the fact that they’re likely to be disappointing. Then, on that day when they inevitably say something delusional or passive aggressive or straight out of the book of white privilege, I’m not surprised or saddened but prepared to let this too roll off of my back. It was expecting better that got me down. Sure, on occasion I’m pleasantly surprised. More often, I feel like a researcher taking in all of the bullshit and adding it to my list of possible white behaviors. Since making this shift, I’ve actually been much happier. I lean into social settings at work as a professional - nice, warm, professional. Because being anything more gives them space to hurt me. I don’t make risqué jokes or show up late or do any of the things that privileged people can get away with. And contrary to what I thought would happen (that I would be exhausted by this disciplined approach) I’ve found peace and quiet in this noncontroversial space. But that’s just me - looking for some peace and damn quiet.

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So, when do you decide not to turn the other cheek?

I think we just need to understand that whiteness will white and need to choose our battles and protect our energies.

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