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At one job, my male coworkers, without me even saying anything, just made sure I was never alone with male director they knew was a predator.
At recent job when the client was joking about women in tech, the SM simply said “My daughter is in a STEM field” and just left it at that. The convo immediately changed to how tough it is in women in tech and how they could make it easier. Completely changed the dynamic. Incredibly powerful.
It sometimes doesn’t mean involving HR, it sometime just takes awareness and taking on talking points you don’t agree with
Abuse of power/Physical actions = Report
Comments/Jokes = Confront either by disagreeing or showing contempt at a sentiment. There’s nothing that withers a misogynistic jerk more than the contempt of his male peers.
Talk to the person first ? More than likely he/she is already struggling to come to terms with the reality and just blames the situation and themselves. Talk to them first and make them feel comfortable. Then discuss appropriate plan of action. Curious to see what others think. Wonder if my suggestion is too defensive.
As someone who has experienced workplace harassment, it would mean a lot to me to know I have a coworker’s support. Don’t underestimate your value in that role.
You can say “Hey that wasn’t ok. I want you to know that if you want to report it, I will back you up if an investigation is started or anyone questions/doubts you”
In my personal experience, I wouldn't mind someone who would 1) listen and believe me, 2) call out the asshole (especially if it's something that happens in public), which could also include videotaping the incident and staying with me until the police show up to show them the video, 3) support me in whatever way possible, whether that is showing support in the firm as a coworker, not contributing to the rumor mill or calling out assholes name-calling me behind my back
If it was someone on my team I would let ACN HR know and then confront the perpetrator directly if I saw anything as bad as these stories purport. If it was a client, I would confront directly and then let their HR know. Either way, I'd want to make it clear that I find their behavior abhorrent on a personal level and do whatever is in my power to make sure it damages their professional reputation.
^I think all of the above should be called out as inappropriate behaviors. As simple as “that’s not cool bro”.
For me, in terms of what I would report, I would want to report it if it specifically targeted me. But wanting to report it and actually feeling like you *can* report it are two VERY different things, and each person is unique in what they would report
Agree with @ACN2
Also, I would say, if a man ever corners you or grabs you in public, just kick him in the balls. Honestly, it would work in your favor and everyone would know he was being a dick in a crowded bar or in a private setting.
Great article in HBR about this on oct 13th titled “lots of men are gender-equality allies in private. Why not in public?” It highlights several solutions mentioned here already as well as some of the root issues. Give it a read
So what comes to the levelnof reporting? A rude sex joke or an ass grab? What can be rubbished as presidential locker room talk vs Harvey Weistein level fire this fucker?
@acn2 that sounds reasonable
Agreed acn2
As a manager, if I see anything like this I actually have a legal requirement to bring it to HR immediately. Which has pluses and minuses - ensures it's reported, but folks may be afraid to confide in me knowing that I in fact *have* to immediately bring it to HR. I can't be 'just a sounding board' or leave the decision in their hands on whether it's escalated or not - I have to escalate.
@acn2 good points