Recently got feedback I'm too childish when I speak, any advice on how to learn to speak more eloquently/professionally?

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Read more - it will help you learn how to be more effective and direct with your words. As for what to read, anything will help.

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Ditto Pres 1...Toastmasters is a great forum to hone speaking with confidence and conviction. People's perception of your speaking is mainly nonverbal so even if your voice is high or childlike, it's likely the posture, tone and confidence, or lack thereof that will create the feedback you received. General Patton had a ridiculously high voice. So did Lincoln. No one would ever doubt their confidence though which is also interpreted as competence.

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Take a video of you presenting.

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I can’t stress enough the art of reading and listening to someone with a rich vocabulary. I remember working at a doctors office and reading the thank you notes the doctors sent to friends. Thank you for a delightful evening, the meal was delectable and your company even better. Not getting into politics here but listen to Obama and his speeches or Theodore Roosevelt. Fascinating intonation, rich vocabulary and delivery.

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Too childish? We can all get better in our delivery, but I think your "constructive" feed back is petty and "childish". If that's truly what you've been told, your "mentor" isn't qualified to help.

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Please, who told you that? Sounds like a jerk. First, don’t let it get in your head. Second, remain authentic and don’t try to talk like a phony. Finally, start reading. WSJ wouldn’t be a bad place to start. Maybe memorize short snippets that are relevant to conversations with clients. Nick Murray’s newsletters would be great too. My last thought is that your attitude is refreshing because it would be easy to be defensive or hostile. You’re going to be fine.

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Toastmaster... but also seriously who criticizes someone saying the sound childish... constructive advise would be try to use deeper examples, don't giggle or try a more serious tone

Almost forgot, give yourself a minute before you respond. Articulate in your head how you will respond. I give myself 30 seconds before I respond, disclosure I let my temper get the best of me when I hear an idiotic or hateful thing being said.

I’m on a roll tonight...TED Talks are a great example of everything I have mentioned above. Listen to any subject as you get ready for work

Childish in what way? Unsophisticated language? Use of too much slang or colloquialisms? Too many “ums” or “likes”?

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