Relapsed, damaged my car pretty badly. No one got hurt fortunately but I feel down and broken, again. Why can’t I stick with sobriety it’s killing me

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

I have been trying to get sober for 20 years, I relapsed after 3 years, relapsed after 9 years, and I will probably relapse again. Why? Because I am an alcoholic as described in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have a disease that tries to convince me that I do not have a disease. When I surrender myself to the truth that I am powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable, I have a really good chance at picking up another 24 hours. When I let my ego think that I have got things under control, I have a really good chance I will pick up a drink. It is really that simple.

Every time I relapse, I drink more in both frequency and volume and my lows get lower. Every time I relapse it is harder to pick up another 24 hours. The DTs are worse, the anxiety is worse.

I used to think that relapse was failure, and now I realize that it is just part of my story. It isn’t something to beat my self up about, because that just leads to a blackout.

I owe everything good in my life to the periods of sobriety I have collected in the last 20 years, and I have a lot of good things in my life. I know that I can lose them all if I pick up.

I picked up another 24 hours today, and God willing I will pick up another 24 tomorrow. I am not sure if any of that is relatable for you, but it is helpful for me to put thoughts into words. Thanks for letting me share.

likeuplifting

I'm not saying your viewpoint is wrong, but, it's interesting how I have a different perspective. I feel that I am 110% more powerful over alcohol. I am not a helpless victim, I am a survivor. I didn't wake up one day and just become an alcoholic. I learned that behavior over many years of abuse. And I sure as shit could unlearn it. Fear plays a powerful role in many relapses and what do I have to be afraid of? Alcohol is a demon, sure, but I'm a much better person without it in my life. When you're in the thick of it; it's hard to see the spell it has on you. But, when you take those steps, you start to become more free. And now that I've been out of it for 2 years, I don't see any possible reason why I would ever drink again. There is absolutely no value added to anything involved with alcohol.

Little wins. Don’t forget your small wins. Being in law is tough and perseverance… I think the small things need to be accounted for to encourage sobriety and positivity. If you got your coffee ready for the a.m., made your bed, planned your top 4 things to get done tomorrow, you’ll feel empowered. And then, you can remind yourself of how many things you’re capable of!

likeupliftinghelpful

I’m sorry your going through that, thankfully your ok and no one hurt. I suggest if you aren’t in AA already go to a meeting. There are many good zoom meetings, and I think National Headquarters AA out of New York has a list of 24/7 meetings online. If you have a sponsor call them, phone list use it. I have several 24 hrs and it literally is one day at a time. This may sound harsh but you’ll be sick and tired, of being sick and tired. I had to hit bottom and I was spiritually and morally bankrupt. I was willing to do what I needed to do and what was asked of me. I’ll say a prayer for you, you can do this. Get to a meeting, talk about it. God speed

likeuplifting

I think there is great wisdom in these comments. I’m not sure I can add anything other than my support… one day at a time. Sending you a big hug.

likeupliftinghelpful

Read these first two pages: https://www.aa.org/sites/default/files/2021-11/en_bigbook_chapt11.pdf

If those two pages hit home, then the car accident could be the best thing to ever happen to you. Don’t forget:
- You’re alive
- You have a desire to live a better life
- You’re not alone
- There is hope
- It takes hitting bottom to surrender to a life of recovery
- “A life of recovery” happens one-day-at-time, and we can do anything if it’s only for a day

likeuplifting

It happens. A LOT. What’s important is that you try again. Start every day by saying I’m not going to drink today. I don’t know about tomorrow but I’m not drinking today. Everyone i know has relapsed and they might again. you have an illness and sometimes that illness can convince us we don’t have a problem and we should be able to go out and drink and have fun like everybody else. But we can’t. As shitty as you feel right now, try try again. And remember this feeling. Next time play the tape through to this moment.

likeuplifting

Do you have triggers? Withdrawals or mostly habitual?

Related Posts

If we reach a high enough vaccination percentage and nothing changes, what’s the next step? Does the government then start forcing boosters?

like

Those of you who’ve gotten in shape: how do you make health & fitness a priority? I’m in year four of this job and realize I need to make some changes (aka I’ve put on 50 pounds since I started this job)

like

Dyslexia! After having our kindergartener son tested (privately) related to ADHD, we were told he may have dyslexia too (which would explain why he struggles so much with phonics but is amazing at sight words). He has a very high IQ. As a voracious reader, I am finding myself unexpectedly distraught that something that I have loved so much will be such a struggle for him, and worrying that it will affect his motivation and may steer him away from things he may otherwise love.
Tips/Commiseration?

like

I can seem to find a Pfizer booster anywhere in the city, anyone know where I might find one

like

So I just came across this on Facebook and I had no idea this thing I do is an ADHD thing.

…I need some doom box accountability and reduction.

Post Photo
like

My mom is mid-50s and has started having what appear to be mini blackouts. Her face contorts like she is laughing or crying, and she is unresponsive for 5-10 seconds. When we ask her what is wrong, she has no idea what we are talking about and no memory of the event.

Any idea what this might be or how to even begin the diagnostics?

likesmart

Keto diet for vegetarians? What are option for breakfast/lunch/dinner ?

like

Keto family: I am very confused! I have my macro set to gain muscle at my current weight and all I’m doing is losing. Current body fat at 9%. Is this a concern?...

Post Photo
helpful

If we mandate masks for US citizens who are fully vaccinated why don’t we check Covid status of illegals and prevent them from entering? Heck, they shouldn’t be allowed to enter anyway!!

like

Been getting into shape/making lifestyle changes. Noticed that everyone is a lot like way nicer to me lol even random people. I suffer from serious body dysmorphia so please don’t see this the wrong way but does this mean… i’m attractive? Male for context

like

Anyone ever dealt with eyebrow hair loss? Labs ruled out thyroid and the only advice the doctor gave me was to try a multivitamin and biotin.

like

Does fis insurance cover cataract surgery?

like

Had a good 2021 despite all the lockdowns.
Looking forward to a even better 2022!

Post Photo
like

Damn, canceling gym membership is painful af!

like

I am in the process of IVF due to my husband's male factor infertility. I am so grateful for the benefits that EY provides and wanted to know if there is any consideration for reevaluating those benefits? We know that IVF is incredibly expensive and for some of us, having children is a top priority. Does anyone know where or how we can petition for enhanced or shared benefits? I have ideas.

like

Girlfriend has very obvious high functioning anxiety and body image issues that she admits but thinks she doesn’t need therapy or medication and that reading self-help books will help her. It’s not changing in the last several years and it’s impacting our relationship. Anyone have experience with their SO dealing with untreated anxiety? I know I can’t control her but would like to express my feelings without sending her into a spiral. For context, I’ve been in therapy for 12 months and medicated

like

Has anyone talked to a therapist or professional about being unemployed? At this point I feel like it's making me depressed. Are there other unemployment support groups out there?

like

Did you have to use a specialty pharmacy for your FET transfer drugs, or did your local pharmacy carry these?

like

Hi everyone. Just found this group today (new to the app as of yesterday). Just saying hi and I can’t wait for the pandemic to be over!

like

Anyone use Vangaurd Personal Advisor Services? What's your experience?

like

More Posts

Received my H1 denial for Capgemini... my grace period starts next week ...
I am exploring my options for a new employer... please let me know if anyone here is hiring...

Last year I moved to a new city to be with my girlfriend after she took a new job in that city. One year later I realized this was the unhappiest year of my adult life. I don’t know if it’s because of my relationship or because I’m in a new city with less friends/social life. 27M

like

Hello Everyone, Please like my post ,i need 11 likes to unlock the DM feature.

likesmart

Ghosting - does anyone ever really benefit? Candidate or Company - Why not just say "no thank you/not interested" and close the loop? Seriously, are there any pros to ghosting?

like

Any good snacks to keep munching while working? Preferably healthy

like

Why is this group so dead??
Something wrong with our Desi mentality ?
I am sure most of the people are single here, still it’s too empty and dull, what’s wrong with us 😂😂

like

Looking for a place in Fidi that's somewhat reasonable in price and I came across 33 Gold. It has weird reviews but they seem old, so I'm not sure if this is entirely accurate as of currently. Location seems nice though since it's near the Seaport. Anyone have experience there?

like
like

Why does this company still exist?

Post Photo
likefunny

Any technical engineers interested in co-founding a side project? I have an idea in mind (software product) and need a technical partner to work on it with. My background is on the commercial side of B2B SaaS (currently at a unicorn startup). I’d love to work on this part-time, but this might have the potential to grow full-time 👀 My location is in Toronto, Canada.

like
like

Does layoffs happen at McKinsey in India? McKinsey & Company

likefunny

How many days should I wait to reach out to the recruiter post interview for feedback?

like

Hey everyone :)

Please spare me 11 likes to unlock chat option.

Thank you !!

likehelpful

AE sale coming up?

Is it bad to reject a PE offer to keep recruiting? Will the HH blacklist you if you do this or is this more common than not?

likehelpful

Are there any onsite opportunities in jp morgan ?

Is it possible to be diligent and precise and get the job done without taking every task so seriously? I feel like I treat certain tasks like the whole world depends on it, and it makes me feel stressed at times. For context, I am a 3rd year commercial litigation associate at a mid-sized firm in NYC.

like

Any Nigerians here?

like

Can anyone tell about hikes and bonus?
What percentage did we get regarding the ratings from 1 to 5.

like

Additional Posts in Addiction & Sobriety

Best AA meetings in NYC??

like

Any DFW folks here? Need to freshen up my meeting routine.

like

“Like” this post if this has been a tough week for you too...help me feel not so alone.

like

I recently tried quitting everything last Sunday, with drew all last week and then relapsed Friday, Saturday and Sunday worst withdrawals I ever had (cold sweats, shaking, wasn’t sure I would survive). I’m through the worst of it now but any advice? Thought about rehab but can’t stop work. This is probably my 9th time trying to go sober during the pandemic. I live alone so the isolation with the pandemic has extremely escalated my usage to the point of about a bottle of a day on weekdays

like

If I want to go to an AA meeting do I just show up? What happens my first time? Do I have to quit drinking before I go to one/ be committed to quitting before going? How many people are at these? Is there a time/day of week that is best to go? How often do people in AA have to go to meetings? Does it cost anything once you join? I just can’t shake the feeling that my luck is going to run out. Not a daily drinker, but blackout when I do. Thx.

likesmart
likeuplifting

I have been alcohol free for 2 months but I use MMJ to focus. My dr prescribed MMJ because I don’t want pharma drugs like Adderall. Is there a place for me in AA or is it all (sobriety) or nothing?

like

Any tips for staying sober doing this job? I’m a new analyst, and I’m already feeling the pressure to drink. There’s no way that I’d have this job if I didn’t get sober and I’m just trying to cont

like

My sister is turning 30 in rehab this week, and I want to send her a birthday gift that she'll appreciate, but also that might be helpful to her as she transitions into a new sober life.

Any recommendations?

like

This time last year I knew I needed to stop drinking, but I couldn’t. This year, though, I’m putting my health first. Starting day 2 of sobriety and hope to keep it up. Thanks to this group for all the support and encouragement shown to those of us struggling with such powerful addictions.

like

I’m over a month sober from alcohol. I’m not in a program or anything and I’m just keeping myself busy. It’s been hard some days especially being young and single. But I’m doing what I can and improving myself slowly

like

I am an elementary art teacher. I am also in the national guard coming off a recent 2 year deployment my marriage is struggling, my school was unsupportive, and my 3 kids are having issues with me leaving. I took to alcohol for about a year it was a bottle of whiskey per day. I've been sober 4 months now but none of the other issues went away and it gets rough. Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to go back or be gone.

like

Today was day 3 without Adderall (1st work day) & I felt extremely tired and sleepy all day. Any ideas on how to make my detox go easier? My 1 cup of Starbucks cold brew was useless lol

like

I've struggled with excess for as long as alcohol has been a part of my life. I'm at a low point after having too much on Sunday, being unproductive on Monday, and barely sleeping. It's this moment that makes me want to finally change. But I know when I'm feeling better, I'll think I can do this all again and next time it'll be fine. I've read tips here for being better and will try my hardest. Tia for listening.

like

I think this whole quarantine thing has helped me... I used to drink like a fish on Thursday on the plane rides home and on the road.. it was all free booze

like