Sad to realize that two of my six wildly successful friends have now experienced domestic violence. It breaks my heart.

Why is the world upside down?

Equally grateful that I’m not one of those that have experienced this, and that I’m in a happy marriage of many years. But I hear stories and I read the bowls here, and it really feels like the world is upside down. DV, broken marriages, infidelity are closer than we know, hidden behind pretense of perfection.

Hope you are all doing ok.

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

Domestic violence isn’t reserved for the poor, just much better hidden by the rich.

like

It’s so sad. And the discovery that it is an arms length away from me.

like

People definitely equate corporate/professional success with a reduced likelihood of suffering from domestic violence and abuse. I had a very messy divorce and DV case with my ex-husband and regularly received comments about how people were surprised someone like me would get into an abusive relationship. People would ask why I didn’t just leave because I surely didn’t need him financially and stuff. We talked a lot about this in my DV support group because many of us had internalized these thoughts, especially those of us in male dominate fields. The thinking sort of stems from the idea that the same traits that make you successful in your career should have made you less prone to abuse - being intelligent, savvy, assertive, etc. Angela Mailais wrote a book on this topic called the Smart, Successful, and Abused: The Unspoken Problem of Domestic Violence and High Achieving Women.

likehelpful

Jc what defines wildly successful?

likefunny

Very senior / exec levels

like

That’s disturbing. I know what you mean. I found out recently that one of the most confident, successful people I know, have experienced emotional abuse in the relationship. It’s so hard to see the dynamic, amazing individual I know as someone who is also in an abusive relationship. You always think that someone that strong and dynamic would never have to deal with something like that. It just makes you feel more vulnerable 😔

like

What does them being “wildly successful” have to do with them being abused? Domestic violence and abuse is not reserved or designated for those who are not “wildly successful” (by whatever subjective standard). Why is title/income/socioeconomic status a factor in your heartbreak?

like

I think the misconception is that people always know what’s happening and stay willingly. In my case, the gaslighting was so bad I lost my sense of reality. There’s no face of abuse or abusers. They’re everywhere and it’s much more common than you realize.

The best thing you can do is educate yourself on what manipulation, intimidation, gaslighting and control tactics look and sound like. Once you see it, once you know it - you can protect yourself against it.

Anyone can be manipulated by a narcissist. And it’s a weird feeling leaving a relationship like that and coming to the realization the entire thing was a lie. That person’s personality is a lie. And you were only there as a source of entertainment.

It has nothing to do with willpower. It’s stress hormones and dopamine and oxytocin mixed together into a lethal combination that makes you addicted to the abuse, even if you don’t know why. And you don’t know if it’s normal or not normal. Because you BELIEVE they love you. So they’re not abusing you, right?

It’s a mindfuck.

like

Agreed. I've got a handful of friends who have suffered domestic violence, an even mix of emotional and physical. Most have just soldiered on through it, but one of my close friends got divorced and had to get a restraining order against his ex-wife over it.

like

Agreed, as soon as you hit a certain tax bracket you should no longer be forced to deal with domestic violence.

like

For god sake that’s not what I’m saying at all. No one should suffer DV of any kind. Trust people from FB to take things out of context and twist them around to something vile

like

I’m curious if someone wouldn’t mind giving examples of abuse, especially emotional abuse. And also how did you find out about it? I’m trying to understand it and recognize it. I think that it sneaks up on a relationship, escalates slowly from small instances first, and it’s hard to recognize because it’s a person you love with probably many good qualities which is why you are with them in the first place. And also you don’t think it could happen to you so it becomes kindof a shock. Also there seems to have been an escalation of domestic violence during Covid which is sad and disturbing but not surprising I suppose.

Thank you and it’s okay. I’m glad I figured it out. I’m glad I got out. And this is honestly why I talk about it because I don’t fit what people think as the picture for someone who would get into an abusive relationship.

Be careful. Truly bad fucking people exist. Educate yourself on narcissism. It’s honestly insane how these people think, act and treat other human beings.

like

Breaks my heart whenever I see or hear about this. Had a close friend experiencing this and the husband (the abuser) still post on FB about how he loves his wife to the moon.

Yuck

Related Posts

Anyone have experience working in Vancouver? If so, what are your thoughts on the city? Career wise and socially?

like

Will be curious to see what Michael Steele has to say about becoming Black.

like

Hi Fishes, I immediately need to switch my role related to Data science/ML/AI with good hike. Suggest some companies and ways. I'm willing to learn new things after deployment.

YOE : 1.5 years as Python developer

Skills : C, Python, Excel in writing SQL queries, Swagger, Microservices, PostgreSql Aws(Lambda, Api gateway, SNS, SQS), Angularjs, PHP.

like

Hi Fishes,

I have just started looking for new opportunities. Could anyone please suggest what would be the appropriate expected CTC for a Fullstack Java developer with 5.8 YOE and current CTC 19LPA.

Thanks in advance 😊

like

Hi Fishes, I need a referral for Linux Admin profile. I have total 7 YOE.
Thanks

like

J&J or Google? I’m in final stages and expecting an offer on both ends. TC seems about the same but J&J is based in Skillman, NJ whereas Google is in Austin, TX. Non tech roles in the same domain - Main difference is that J&J seems to be a higher level role (senior manager) whereas Google is a more junior one (lead). Any advice?

like

Does anybody else read the shape of words and your brain guesses to fill it in, instead of reading the actual word?

like

Do indie filmmakers often use freelance social media consultants to help with promotion?

like

What is the salary range of Senior 2 at EY GDS?

like

Just accepted a position as a Claim Specialist (Salaried) at State Farm in Atlanta. Start date is pushed out couple months from now. Does anyone know if the company pays twice a month, or biweekly? Forgot to ask the recruiter.

like

Advice on breaking a lease?

like

Is $PLTR a good buy right now? I've been watching the price action for the longest time and I've been waiting for a good 'dip'. Now it's trading around $17.

Thoughts?

like

(LAST post for the day cu guys tomorrow)

Post Photo
likesmartfunny

Trying to get a handle on retention bonuses. What are you seeing at your organizations? Across the board retention bonuses? Amounts based on level? Or reactionary when folks resign in an attempt to keep them?

like

At the beach this morning

Post Photo
likeupliftingfunny

Hello fishes, need some help. Can anyone share how it is to work for tesco bangalore? Is it a good place to work in terms of learning, tech stack and job security? I am considering accepting a tesco offer. Here are my current options: 1. Tesco - SDE2, 50L full fixed. 2. Walmart - IN4, total around 50L(per year) -35 fixed, RSU 8L, variable 8L(4 year vest). 3. Paypal - SE3, total around 50L(per year) - 32 fixed, 3.2 variable, 34 RSU (3 year vest). Cctc - 23L, YOE - 6. Walmart ,Paypal ,Tesco

What is the notice period if I resign during probation period in Mphasis pvt limited

I have been into support projects for 7+ years in two different IT and Finance companies. Now I want to switch to SAP or any new technology/tool. Please advise on where should I be looking at now to enhance my career and technical skills. FYI I am not keen to learn coding and DevOps. I have been in database background since beginning

like

Hi Fishes, I'm searching for a job in Singapore. Currently working as PMO Analyst in Deloitte USI with 3 YOE. Please share your advice and what worked for you in your job search.

like

Hope everyone back home is safe and healthy!

like

Additional Posts in Confession

Today marks a year since my best friend’s death. We actually hadn’t known each other too long bc I met him at work. Maybe 5 years but we connected so well. He died from a fatal accident last year. He had so much ahead of him. I miss him a lot today because I got a job offer from a company I told him that I wanted to work for, when he was alive. And I can only say this but I also had a secret crush on him. (Continued)

like

The mummy and it’s sequels are on HBO max and I’m not ashamed that I’m watching it right now..
Watch party?!?!?!?

like

My drink of choice tonight .

Can I get some likes

Post Photo
like

I figured it out. The data scientist wants to be a Chief (not THE Chief, because bowls have multiple Chiefs), so he posts wacky clickbait that we all respond to, which helps him level up faster.

likefunnysmart

What are you getting into this 4 day weekend?

like

My roomie is making blueberry pancakes and I want some. 😭

like

When you’re not able to communicate with your partner 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

likefunny

Hot take: There’s nothing wrong with having ethnicity as a preference when it comes to dating as it indicates cultural similarity

likefunny

Everyone is getting engaged or married…where is everyone finding people that love them that much?! I can’t even get a damn date.

likefunnyuplifting

I spend 2 hours a day being productive and the rest of the time watching Netflix/Hulu/etc or napping/eating.

Have been doing this for 3 months now and I continue to get positive feedback from everyone. I can do this for another year (duration of my project) and no one will say anything.

Had to get that off my chest. Life is so nice/on easy mode these days 😬

likefunnysmartuplifting

Sometimes (not always) I feel like hiring managers get intimidated by me during interviews. I'm quite driven and have a big personality.

Genuinely curious, hiring managers - you ever not consider someone for fear they might outshine you?

funnylike

Thinderstorms make me feel revitalised and fresh, please tell me I’m not the only one who loves a good thunder crackle and juicy lightning strikes.

like

Question of the day: would you still refer people to your firm if referral bonus was $0?

like

Seriously considering switching from hormonal birth control pills to the copper IUD. Anyone have any feedback or make the switch recently? It sounds good on paper but nervous about side effects and insertion etc

like

So close to moving out of parent's home in NY and saying to hell to saving money😔
For those that are >mid 20s, how do you manage living with noisy, overly friendly (inviting guests to stay for weeks), and constant requests (setting doc apts, calling customer service, taking car to mechanics, driving them everywhere, ton of tech help, etc.) parents?

like

Rings of Power makes me appreciate Peter Jackson even more. Holy F this is a disaster for Amazon, even Hobbit movies are better than this

likefunny

Yesterday I read a Reddit thread about how expensive it is to be poor. Some of the responses were truly heartbreaking. Made me realize how incredibly lucky we all are

likeupliftingfunny

Why does eating in your car just hit different

like

I just passed a car with a pair of b*lls hanging from the back. Wtf

likefunny

I probably only work about a solid 2 hours a day since COVID

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal