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Rising Star
Domestic violence isn’t reserved for the poor, just much better hidden by the rich.
Rising Star
It’s so sad. And the discovery that it is an arms length away from me.
People definitely equate corporate/professional success with a reduced likelihood of suffering from domestic violence and abuse. I had a very messy divorce and DV case with my ex-husband and regularly received comments about how people were surprised someone like me would get into an abusive relationship. People would ask why I didn’t just leave because I surely didn’t need him financially and stuff. We talked a lot about this in my DV support group because many of us had internalized these thoughts, especially those of us in male dominate fields. The thinking sort of stems from the idea that the same traits that make you successful in your career should have made you less prone to abuse - being intelligent, savvy, assertive, etc. Angela Mailais wrote a book on this topic called the Smart, Successful, and Abused: The Unspoken Problem of Domestic Violence and High Achieving Women.
Jc what defines wildly successful?
Rising Star
Very senior / exec levels
That’s disturbing. I know what you mean. I found out recently that one of the most confident, successful people I know, have experienced emotional abuse in the relationship. It’s so hard to see the dynamic, amazing individual I know as someone who is also in an abusive relationship. You always think that someone that strong and dynamic would never have to deal with something like that. It just makes you feel more vulnerable 😔
What does them being “wildly successful” have to do with them being abused? Domestic violence and abuse is not reserved or designated for those who are not “wildly successful” (by whatever subjective standard). Why is title/income/socioeconomic status a factor in your heartbreak?
I think the misconception is that people always know what’s happening and stay willingly. In my case, the gaslighting was so bad I lost my sense of reality. There’s no face of abuse or abusers. They’re everywhere and it’s much more common than you realize.
The best thing you can do is educate yourself on what manipulation, intimidation, gaslighting and control tactics look and sound like. Once you see it, once you know it - you can protect yourself against it.
Anyone can be manipulated by a narcissist. And it’s a weird feeling leaving a relationship like that and coming to the realization the entire thing was a lie. That person’s personality is a lie. And you were only there as a source of entertainment.
It has nothing to do with willpower. It’s stress hormones and dopamine and oxytocin mixed together into a lethal combination that makes you addicted to the abuse, even if you don’t know why. And you don’t know if it’s normal or not normal. Because you BELIEVE they love you. So they’re not abusing you, right?
It’s a mindfuck.
Chief
Agreed. I've got a handful of friends who have suffered domestic violence, an even mix of emotional and physical. Most have just soldiered on through it, but one of my close friends got divorced and had to get a restraining order against his ex-wife over it.
Agreed, as soon as you hit a certain tax bracket you should no longer be forced to deal with domestic violence.
Rising Star
For god sake that’s not what I’m saying at all. No one should suffer DV of any kind. Trust people from FB to take things out of context and twist them around to something vile
Enthusiast
I’m curious if someone wouldn’t mind giving examples of abuse, especially emotional abuse. And also how did you find out about it? I’m trying to understand it and recognize it. I think that it sneaks up on a relationship, escalates slowly from small instances first, and it’s hard to recognize because it’s a person you love with probably many good qualities which is why you are with them in the first place. And also you don’t think it could happen to you so it becomes kindof a shock. Also there seems to have been an escalation of domestic violence during Covid which is sad and disturbing but not surprising I suppose.
Thank you and it’s okay. I’m glad I figured it out. I’m glad I got out. And this is honestly why I talk about it because I don’t fit what people think as the picture for someone who would get into an abusive relationship.
Be careful. Truly bad fucking people exist. Educate yourself on narcissism. It’s honestly insane how these people think, act and treat other human beings.
Breaks my heart whenever I see or hear about this. Had a close friend experiencing this and the husband (the abuser) still post on FB about how he loves his wife to the moon.
Rising Star
Yuck