Saw a post floating from an OP who’s pregnant and keeping the baby but the father doesn’t want the baby, and that conversation got me thinking.....is it really fair to keep a baby and expect the father to be in the baby’s life if they don’t want to be? I couldn’t deal with an absentee father, but I also wouldn’t want someone to force me into caring for a child if I didn’t want the baby in the first place....

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Also saw that post and completely agree. It’s fair for her to keep the baby, but absolutely not fair to force the father to be active in the baby’s life other than providing court ordered child support.

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Right....it takes 2 but if someone doesn’t want a baby the last thing I want is for my child to see that resentment and go through that. Damn. It’s a can of worms :(

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Tangential but think this type of situation is why men need better access to and control over their birth control options. Women have anything from pills to iuds to implants while men mostly have the option of either condoms or vasectomy.

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This. I completely agree and i recently saw a Netflix show about how birth control pills for men have a higher side effects threshold to meet because they’re compared against baseline while women’s side effects are compared to the side effects of pregnancy. Was infuriating tbh

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IMO these are the morally consistent positions:

(where there is no safe abortion, eg poor rural red state; Ireland/Middle East)

- dad has responsibility to be present in baby’s life full stop. Mom doesn’t have a choice so dad needs to step up too

(Where there is safe and legal abortion)

- dad should have the option to back out. He should pay for some of the abortion cost. In practice, if mom wants to keep the baby and files for child support, the state will go after the dad, but I don’t think that is moral (state should use general coffers to support mom instead)

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The OP on the post you’re referring to said that she already told the father she would prefer he not be involved financially or emotionally if he had no desire to be and could not divorce his disappointment from her in the situation. She said she is pursuing therapy to make a plan of action for both parties going forward, not to get back together. She plans on not having him sign the birth certificate, so that he has no parental rights nor obligations. Your post and words kind of warped the integrity of that post...

For the record, OP on the other thread has been quite clear she is willing to go it alone even financially. She was dismayed by his reaction and dissolution of the relationship but not presuming any involvement on his part going forward.

He’s mad he can’t keep OP around without there being a baby in his life, and possibly mad about having his or his + OPs DNA out in the world in general.

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I think it depends on your definition of parent. This thread started presupposing the main issue was involvement in the child’s life. I think the original thread made a non issue of that.

If the issue is having offspring in general and overall control over ones DNA then I can see some arguments being made about that but that was not the premise of this thread.

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My 2 cents-
I am in agreement in the father’s right. As much the mother has the right to decide, so is the guy. No one can or should pressure either involved persons in doing something out of their comfort zone.
It’s like if a man forces a woman to carry the child would that be okay. No, coz then the reasoning is it’s the woman who has to carry the child for 9 months, not the guy.
Similarly, one can say guy should have an equal right to decide coz when the woman carries this child, she is creating an unwanted burden on the guy - mental, financial and above all emotional guilt for no fault.
Both parties had sex, and accident happen. It’s not just the guy at wrong or the girl at wrong here. Shit happens.
If the guy and girl agree - have the baby and create the best possible nurturing environment
If the guy agrees and not the girl - abortion
Similarly; if the girl agrees and not the guy -
- either abortion
- have the baby but not legal or financial or any involvement to be expected from the guy

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I’m genuinely curious because this has shifted my views a little. If a mother doesn’t want an abortion but the father does, the mother would have to just raise the child alone right?

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Yup. Just like the argument about women not being allowed to have abortions, the guy could have covered up as well. That’s a two way streak. Regardless, it takes two to tango and the guy should always be financially liable for child support, whether he wants to be involved or not.

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That post had crucial context, the babies father was Black and he didn’t want the baby to be w/o a father in their life due to societal stereotypes however he wasn’t ready to be a father. While the women had health issues that she said make it very hard to have children & didn’t want to potentially miss an opportunity to have a child. So just hard stuff in that post for different reasons.

But to your point it comes down to a trade off. I don’t think anyone if forcing you to do something but you have to consider the fact if the father wouldn’t be in the child’s life would I want this baby and if it’s no then you made that decision and we’re never forced to it

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