{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Seeking advice: anyone have experience dealing with a meddling sister-in-law (brother’s wife)? She’s constantly overstepping the bounds of what I think is appropriate (I.e., bossing around my elderly mother, getting rid of things without asking my mothers permission, changing my mothers decor). It just doesn’t feel right for her to do these things to my mother/interject in family affairs like this. Understandably brother doesn’t want to get in the middle of it. How to handle this?", "post_id": "60382db29584ab002a6f7336", "reply_count": 15, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

Seeking advice: anyone have experience dealing with a meddling sister-in-law (brother’s wife)? She’s constantly overstepping the bounds of what I think is appropriate (I.e., bossing around my elderly mother, getting rid of things without asking my mothers permission, changing my mothers decor). It just doesn’t feel right for her to do these things to my mother/interject in family affairs like this. Understandably brother doesn’t want to get in the middle of it. How to handle this?

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Not sure why it's understandable that your brother would stay out of this, other than being afraid of telling his wife no. I think you are the least qualified person to handle this. Either your mother needs to step and have a conversation with SIL or her son, or she needs to accept her meddling DIL and deal with it. Unless your mother has some kind of physical or mental handicap preventing her from doing so. Then maybe it makes sense to speak up on her behalf. SIL taking advantage of a woman with alzheimers as an example is a bit of a different issue.

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Agree MC 1. The brother is a full grown man who needs to tell his wife to layoff. If he’s not noticing how negatively it impacts his mother, the sister can make him aware, but pretending this is a “female dynamic” that the brother couldn’t possibly understand is just dumb.

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Ughhhh this would piss me off so much. Do they live with your mother, or she does this when she visits? Is your mother too nice to say something or she doesn’t mind?

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Combination of my mother being nice, on the older side, and feeling somewhat intimidated. She doesn’t want to create conflict for my brother, but I am not okay with this sort of treatment.

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It’s your brothers job to talk to her

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Recently went through this with my brother and my parents. Your mom knows how she should be treated and what is ok and what is not. I would remind my mom in private but let her decide. I didn’t say anything to my brother directly but I vented to my husband- a lot. My hrother and his kids moved in with my parents and they wanted a good relationship with the kids and for everyone to go along. They only made it a year. My parents finally asked him to move out and everyone is much happier now. My advice is to stay close to mom, give her support, and bite your tongue. It will work out in the long run.

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This is the way

I don’t blame your mother at all, people are vulnerable at that age and scared of tainting relationships. Your brother is being a pushover and coward, tell him to talk to her! If he doesn’t, it’s up to you my friend. Good luck ❤️

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This is why my mom says her son she loves, but her daughters are forever. I relate to this post so much. My sister in law and my family need a whole continent apart to get along. I say bite your tongue. Your mom is no dummy and sometimes keeping the peace is easier. If your sister in law turns her heart and ends up hating you (even for no reason), you’ll rarely see your brother. At a breaking point your mom will probably say something to her own son, but don’t overstep here. It hits different if your mom says it versus you saying it to your brother. Follow your mom’s lead.

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Where is your mother while this is going on? What does she have to say about it? Has she explicitly told your SIL to leave her things alone? Do your brother and SIL live with her? Do they have a spare key and drop by when she’s not home? Roam around the house rearranging things when they come over? That’s a lot of questions, but I think the first step boils down to 1) how much this bothers your mom, and 2) what she’s said or done to your brother and SIL about it so far.

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It’s difficult. For context, my mother is a 75, she doesn’t have Alzheimer’s per say,but does have trouble expressing herself and communicating her thoughts/is sometimes confused. I have brought this up with my brother, but he is so passive and doesn’t want to create conflict with his wife (if he won’t act, do I just do nothing)? And no they do not live with my mother, but do visit frequently. They live in an apartment so they store a bunch of their stuff in my mother’s basement/garage.

Yeah no offense to your brother but he 100% needs to talk to her about it. It's not her house and it's not okay for her to treat her that way. If he doesn't "create conflict" it'll just lead to worse issues

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Nothing wrong with standing up for your mom but def talk to your mom before you talk to your SIL

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