Sounds like there are no bad choices here! But just a thought - we often identify with what we do in life. I.e. if someone were to ask you a few years from now “who are you”, what do you want your answer to be? At the end of the day, our children are autonomous human beings, separate from us, and full-time moms often struggle with a sense of identity when kids are grown.
A good friend was in same boat and picked option C (namely, in-house) about 5 years ago. She still loves it because has a “real job” that gives her an identity but also lets her work 30 hours a week to be with kids.
20 hours is part time. This is the problem with America. Flex time at law firms is also ridiculous. Because you can do 30 hours too but it take more to bill that, which amounts to full time. I have friend regretting it as her pay and partnership track was derailed. Only makes sense for in-house since billable hours are not a thing.
I went part-time as a 4th year associate (v30 firm) because I didn’t have the time to do the things I wanted in my personal life. I pushed for 80% and my firm was receptive to it, so I make 80% of my biglaw salary/bonus and do 80% of the work. I’m very happy about it. I will say there’s more acceptance of it for parents than non-parents, but it’s your life so spend the time in whatever way you find fulfillment.
I’m a huge proponent that women should never fully stop working! Whether that means going to part time or an easier job, don’t leave the market. Would be harder to get back in and you should always be able to support yourself
Do you like law? I’m facing a similar thing after hubby just vaulted so far beyond me (he’s not a lawyer, so it’s a different world of equity comp) that I’m left in the dust, even as a top-5 lawyer in a 70+ partner firm. I’m sticking with my practice, as I’m good at it after all this time, but my goal is billing 10 hours a week. Again, this is possible at new-model law firms without billing quotas. Hope you figure it out, and PM me if you want more info.
Do you plan to have more kids? Do you want more time with your kid? It’s unclear from the post! Is part time an option, whether at this firm or another?
Before this year I would have said part time is career suicide. My firm just said see you after leave to like 3 expectant dads (as in, men are respected as parents) and have been beyond flexible re WFH since the pandemic. We have all been offered modified schedules as needed. I honestly feel like the sky is the limit.
I start looking for part time counsel position now. I got freaked out after the firm starts calling people back to office. But I realized if I want to push stuff away from my desk to keep myself sane and everything in balance, I may not have a shot in partnership anyway. I don’t know what options I have at this point; it will be ideal if the current firm provides me a part time counsel position. They have told me they will start putting me in a counsel or partner position in the next year or two. Too many uncertainties to even count on that. Before I land on anything, I will think long and hard.
Do you like your job? Personally fulfilling? I guess we need more info - in that situation, I would stay at my job because I do really like it most of the time - but being a SAHM to a school aged kid also feels like a nice lifestyle choice if work isn’t exciting you!
I 100% agree. Today when I was driving through town and saw a bunch of SAHM’s pushing strollers on their cells in yoga pants that looked goood (bc they can actually exercise) I thought “wait, why am I working?” (Similar situation, husband makes 2x what I do and I could support 2 families alone...) And it always comes down to “but what would I even talk about if I didn’t have cool work?”
Do you have a hobby that you like? Could that hobby turn into a side hustle...one where you’d have a passion project, an identity, and make a few bucks (or more than a few bucks) from it? If so, do that. It seems like this would fit under Option A.
OP, I think deep down you already know what is best for you and your family. Polling strangers on the internet may give you some comfort, but you don’t need permission from some randos who may or may not share the same dreams, desires and dislikes that you have. Do whatever it takes for you to get in touch with you want to do and quiet the voice in your head about what you “should” do. Meditate, journal, exercise, go to therapy, whatever. Read “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle. And with your husband’s income, you have the financial security to do whatever you want.
Sounds like there are no bad choices here! But just a thought - we often identify with what we do in life. I.e. if someone were to ask you a few years from now “who are you”, what do you want your answer to be? At the end of the day, our children are autonomous human beings, separate from us, and full-time moms often struggle with a sense of identity when kids are grown.
A13 I might have to screenshot this to show my actual nieces why they should listen to me sometimes 😄
A good friend was in same boat and picked option C (namely, in-house) about 5 years ago. She still loves it because has a “real job” that gives her an identity but also lets her work 30 hours a week to be with kids.
20 hours is part time. This is the problem with America. Flex time at law firms is also ridiculous. Because you can do 30 hours too but it take more to bill that, which amounts to full time. I have friend regretting it as her pay and partnership track was derailed. Only makes sense for in-house since billable hours are not a thing.
Rising Star
I mean I have no desire to stay at home but also have no desire to be partner so I’d prob find a diff job
Same lol if I were in OP’s situation I’d try to find some kind of part-time job (legal or otherwise) that interests and fulfills me.
I personally would do public interest law in that situation
100%
Part time counsel here! It exists and it’s fantastic
I went part-time as a 4th year associate (v30 firm) because I didn’t have the time to do the things I wanted in my personal life. I pushed for 80% and my firm was receptive to it, so I make 80% of my biglaw salary/bonus and do 80% of the work. I’m very happy about it. I will say there’s more acceptance of it for parents than non-parents, but it’s your life so spend the time in whatever way you find fulfillment.
I’m a huge proponent that women should never fully stop working! Whether that means going to part time or an easier job, don’t leave the market. Would be harder to get back in and you should always be able to support yourself
Pro
I’m in a similar boat - lacking direction from excessive success of my husband. Idk 🤷🏻♀️
Do you like law? I’m facing a similar thing after hubby just vaulted so far beyond me (he’s not a lawyer, so it’s a different world of equity comp) that I’m left in the dust, even as a top-5 lawyer in a 70+ partner firm. I’m sticking with my practice, as I’m good at it after all this time, but my goal is billing 10 hours a week. Again, this is possible at new-model law firms without billing quotas. Hope you figure it out, and PM me if you want more info.
Lol whatever you want to do, but I’d do A or C. Currently in the process of making A or C happen. I want to actually live life, not do this.
Same!!
Do you plan to have more kids? Do you want more time with your kid? It’s unclear from the post! Is part time an option, whether at this firm or another?
Before this year I would have said part time is career suicide. My firm just said see you after leave to like 3 expectant dads (as in, men are respected as parents) and have been beyond flexible re WFH since the pandemic. We have all been offered modified schedules as needed. I honestly feel like the sky is the limit.
C. Don't depend on a man.
I would quit my job and get in the best physical shape of my life, have that second kid, and take a few months to think about my next move.
Who knows the future - I do not want to depend on man either. I just started to think this living style is not desirable.
I start looking for part time counsel position now. I got freaked out after the firm starts calling people back to office. But I realized if I want to push stuff away from my desk to keep myself sane and everything in balance, I may not have a shot in partnership anyway. I don’t know what options I have at this point; it will be ideal if the current firm provides me a part time counsel position. They have told me they will start putting me in a counsel or partner position in the next year or two. Too many uncertainties to even count on that. Before I land on anything, I will think long and hard.
Just wanted to provide an update to this post: I made Partner!
Thanks!
I’d do C!
Do you like your job? Personally fulfilling? I guess we need more info - in that situation, I would stay at my job because I do really like it most of the time - but being a SAHM to a school aged kid also feels like a nice lifestyle choice if work isn’t exciting you!
I 100% agree. Today when I was driving through town and saw a bunch of SAHM’s pushing strollers on their cells in yoga pants that looked goood (bc they can actually exercise) I thought “wait, why am I working?” (Similar situation, husband makes 2x what I do and I could support 2 families alone...) And it always comes down to “but what would I even talk about if I didn’t have cool work?”
I faced a similar decision and chose part time counsel. Love it - I have so much more time to spend with our 2 kids.
Amen. Real, PT work with fair pay feels like a white whale
Bowl Leader
Let us know where you land OP-- cheering for you wherever you land 😊
Which option would make you most happy? If you are happy, so will be your husband and child.
Do you have a hobby that you like? Could that hobby turn into a side hustle...one where you’d have a passion project, an identity, and make a few bucks (or more than a few bucks) from it?
If so, do that.
It seems like this would fit under Option A.
OP, I think deep down you already know what is best for you and your family. Polling strangers on the internet may give you some comfort, but you don’t need permission from some randos who may or may not share the same dreams, desires and dislikes that you have. Do whatever it takes for you to get in touch with you want to do and quiet the voice in your head about what you “should” do. Meditate, journal, exercise, go to therapy, whatever. Read “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle. And with your husband’s income, you have the financial security to do whatever you want.