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Additional Posts in 30s & 40s Singles
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It could be, but I think the reasoning behind the divorces are more important if they’re transparent about it. e.g., would you fault someone for divorcing if their previous spouses had affairs? TBH, I’m astounded by the number of people that seem to have affairs or romanticize them.
Seems like there is a common denominator.
Maybe. Maybe not.
Sometimes people just get unlucky and end up in situations they dont deserve to be in. So you also need to give them the benefit of doubt. But also be cautious and vigilant at the same time, because you don’t want to miss any red flags.
I’m assuming this is someone you’re considering dating. And wondering if this is a red flag and whether you should even think about pursuing this?
Personally, what I would do is - try to get to know the person better and see how they are, as a human being. And also try to understand the specifics of what happened in those relationships. Then I would rely on my instincts and how I feel about this person, to determine if I can trust them and if this is something worth pursuing.
I’ve realized through various experiences that yes, there is no smoke without fire. But sometimes people do get unlucky too, and end up in unfortunate situations. If it’s someone worth investing my time and emotions in, I will still give them a chance and see how things go.
Thanks for this advice. Will definitely keep this in mind. 😊
Has that person changed or grown since those experiences? We often subconsciously attract and seek the same types of people, so what didn’t work twice will likely not work thrice, unless the person is working on themselves. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
That should be the goal with any dating experience or relationship.
Do you also see how many serious relationships one has had outside of marriage? Because I think it’s the same as marriage.
For me marriage is different
YES. My husband was and I was naive enough to believe all his lies and stupidly missed red flags, and now we are at a contentious divorce with a small toddler. I actually got connected to his two prior ex wives and was beyond shocked to find out they pretty much went through very similar things as I did.. people don’t change.
Rising Star
Def need to apply skepticism in those situations and don’t ignore red flags
Would you pass as much judgment on a married person who is unfaithful to his/her spouse? What about someone who stays married and is unhappy and unfulfilled? Are those better alternatives ? What bout someone who has never married?
Oh my gosh, let’s try to be a little objective here. I think OP’s concern is a very legitimate one. I don’t think she’s being ‘judgmental’ like you mentioned. If she was, she wouldn’t be considering a relationship with this person in the first place. She is starting to see it go somewhere and wants to take a poll on whether this should be something she should be concerned about. That’s it. There’s nothing wrong about that.
Also, you have no idea whether infidelity was involved in either one of those divorces, so let’s not try to make comparisons that may not even be valid. It could be possible that this person just has some basic behavioral issues and doesn’t get along with anyone. Or it could be, that he just got very very unlucky and had to go through this twice. Neither of these hypothetical situations could have involved infidelity.