{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Should I help my husband pay off his credit card debt (5k)? He makes a lot less than me (%20 of what I make) and we already split the bills along those lines.", "post_id": "58c8aab99b598800167d1e32", "reply_count": 104, "vote_count": 14, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
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Should I help my husband pay off his credit card debt (5k)? He makes a lot less than me (%20 of what I make) and we already split the bills along those lines.

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OP - cut up and close the cards. Establish an "emergency only" card and leave it at that. When I was working with the family I took all of her cards and left her with ONE (don't ask how many she had). If you love your husband, you can come out on the other side, but after 10 years I get the sense you haven't communicated 100% how you feel. And if you have any resentment about being the bread winner, then address those feeling as well. Don't keep throwing money at the problem. No matter how good of a spouse these hypocrites want to claim to be they're not in your household they can't tell you you're not a good partner. It sounds like it's your teammates that aren't carrying their weight! I mean when Lebron loses, everyone says he doesn't have any good players on his team! Same thing! When you win you win together with everyone doing SOMETHING!

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@OP not a problem! Don't forget to run the credit report so you know how many cards you're looking for (seriously) and the ONE card I left her with, we called and lowered the limit to keep her out of mounds of debt. I agree with some other folks as to why he has excessive spending. It could be tied to his self worth and he enjoys "keeping up appearances"and since you're there he feels he can do that. If you do decide to go to counseling, may I suggest you take the time to address your own feelings first. Are you resentful? When you married did you expect him to not have a career? And you do need to think about what happens if he's unwilling to change. Are you ok with that? No one here can tell you these answers, you have to decide. I never answered if you should pay it or not. I think you already paid your fair share of the $8k. But you should help him pay it down with his money!

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This marriage is off to a bad start......

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Wtf man arent you married? What kind of a marriage is this if you earn and spend on your own shit. No wonder marriages in america are shit

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Nobody mentioned that marriage is a team sport to you did they OP? You're a team. I haven't even had my "own" accounts since I got married in '08. My misses makes way less than I do, who cares we're a family.

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Yes

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You're getting divorced soon

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This is pathetic op

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There is no such thing as his personal finances once you are married... they are YOUR finances together. If he can't be trusted with a credit card it's time to cut him off and give him a cash allowance.

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I have a stay at home wife. Took the cards, and gave her cash budget with target allocations. Now she just uses a blend of nagging and sexual teasing to get me to give her whatever she wants anyway. At least it slowed the outflow...

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Wow save him? Tomorrow if you are in an accident, dont call him asking for help

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I feel like I already put most of the bills and also have a pretty hefty student loan payment each month and feel like he should step up and clean up the mess he made.

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My god this thread is pathetic on both ends. One side putting SO on a leash and giving them their occasional doggy treat and the other using their SO as a cash cow in exchange for sex. Is this what marriage is like? I'm only 23 but I can't see any good in this type of marriage. Please educate me if you can

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Marriage won't last. The fact you consider it his problem is obvious that you don't view it as a partnership. Say he loses his job and you have to pay the bills for awhile, are you going to divorce him?

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When my husband and I met, he had this problem. I paid his debts, cut up his cards, and rationed him on cash until he could get his act together. Even now he is an authorized user on my card and I watch the charges like a hawk to make sure we stay on budget. I should also say I'm good about letting him spend his amount on whatever the hell he wants even if I think it's stupid. Otherwise it becomes a control problem and no one wants that.

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So read the whole thread, apparently to the majority of FB, marriage is paying someone's credit card bill even after they lied to you, spent unnecessarily and haven't changed after ten years despite talks... I'm fairly certain that's the definition of a doormat, not marriage.

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OP it's only 5k, as long as it's not growing, use this as a learning lesson for him on personal finances

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Poor OP didn't know they signed up for armchair marriage counseling. The #1 issue is the spending behind your back..#2 is that you want to punish your spouse, have a me vs. him mentality, and are resentful about paying most of the bills... if I had to guess, there is more behind these feelings than the money. The lack of fiscal responsibility on his part can be dealt with. The rest... is where the work is. If it makes you feel any better, my list is a mile long too. Only kids think marriage is without its problems and that you should "just divorce"...

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P5 is right. Also, can we please establish a rule on FB where we never tell someone else that they're going to get divorced? That just seems incredibly low, even for FB

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I would use this as a teachable moment. Set down clear guidelines and make him adhere to them. It's a partnership not a bailout. If he used it behind your back when you previously raised it as an issue you should not reward his bad behavior by paying for his mistakes.

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You have deeper issues than just his 5k of debt. There's some trust issues there that you need to resolve. Together. You cannot view this as "his problem." You need to be honest about it together, have a real conversation about how it makes you feel that you don't trust him with money. If you don't resolve it now, and make it so you can both see the problem and agree on the best solution going forward, it's going to be trouble.

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OP, how about you help him pay off his credit cards and in turn make up for it by paying you back on your student loans? CC rates are high going higher. You don't totally bail him out that way. Then work on a plan to keep spending in line.

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