Should I message a woman on IG to ask if she’s been seeing my SO? The guy I’m dating agreed to be exclusive but the past three weeks my intuition has been telling me something is off. His communication has changed (no response/contact for entire days) & just says “I don’t know” when I ask how come he never returned my text/calls. Also I made a fake account, & matched with him on bumble. I went to his IG and noticed a woman where he liked all of her pics.

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Even if he's not cheating, do you want to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like this and makes you feel like you need to spy on him because his communication and lack of concern is so bad?

likesmarthelpful

Then respond to the flags appropriately. Move on to better.

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You can do better. You deserve someone who makes you feel safe and gives you peace of mind. Been exclusive for 3 weeks with my current and he’s forthright about all his plans when we are not together, even sends me pics of his food or his shows on tv to tell me what he’s doing (I don’t ask for it but it’s cute). His phone shows previews of messages and he opens texts and responds in front of me (again I didn’t need to ask for this). I never feel the need to snoop even though I can tend to be a suspicious person. He is constant contact with me every couple of hours (he’s a doctor so his job is more chill than mine). No response for a whole day with someone exclusive is not normal at all. Find someone who doesn’t make you feel like you’re going crazy please and don’t gaslight yourself.

likeuplifting

MC1 - i know exactly the type of guy you’re dating because I’ve had great relationships like this in the past. I felt safe and never questioned because of their natural tendencies to be as transparent as you mentioned. It’s so nice not to have to think about these things. You’re right

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Girrrrrrrl. No. Your problem is with the man and not the woman. Never ever go to the woman. Ask him directly and watch is body language, if you still have doubts leave.

likesmarthelpful

Yesss!!

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Also notice what this guy is doing to you. You have to go to the lengths of making a fake account…even if you find nothing by reaching out to the woman will it change how it’s affecting you?

likesmart

ZS yeah you have a really great point. It’s exhausting.

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I think you’re coming on a bit strong if you’ve only been with him for a month or so. If he’s gone no contact, then I would bring it up to him being like “I noticed this, is there something going on, do you want to rethink the relationship?” But don’t say it in an accusatory way. If there’s nothing going on between this guy and the IG girl and they’re just friends, word WILL get to him and you will be the crazy one. If I’m a guy, I wouldn’t want to deal with drama and accusations this early in a relationship, so keep it more conversational and casual instead of we need to have a serious talk or I’m accusing you of something.

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He probably sees it as 2 months then and that’s not very long. Essentially if you want to work things out, rather than just end it, I would tread carefully. There’s nothing that make a guy run faster than stalking, spying, accusations…

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Ghost him lol be his karma

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I vote for this

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How can you tell if a relationship is healthy? No games, no questions taking away your peace of mind. If someone wants to be with you, they will. Don't become this paranoid, crazy person. Honestly, you do sound like a little too much, and for what? If you confirm with someone else your suspicions... That just goes to show not only how little you trust him, but also how little you want to communicate, and how little you value what he says. Absolutely nothing good can come out of this. Be straightforward, with him and yourself. Make a decision, tell him what you think, why you think that and what you consider should be different. If he agrees then fine, if he doesn't then end it. No person is worth your peace of mind, absolutely no one!!!

likesmart

Wait he’s on a dating app and HE DOESN’T RESPOND TO YOU FOR DAYS? that is the ‘nail in the coffin’. There is nothing further you need to do except block him

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So i wanted to message her and ask. I know it sounds crazy but I feel like this will help solidify and nail the coffin shut on things with this guy

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I asked my husband about your situation. He said that if you message her, regardless of if he’s cheating or not, it’s over. It’s over if he’s cheating, and it’s over if he’s not cause you just proved yourself to be the crazy one and he’ll leave. Only do it if you want the relationship to end. If not, I suggest you talk it out.

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A woman messaged me on IG and thanks to her I found out my new bumble bf (dated 1 month then he asked to be exclusive for another month) had a whole other long term gf 😂. I’m very thankful she saved me from wasting more of my time on an ass swipe. But I was very skeptical of her at first, thinking she was the crazy ex trying to break us up (she was freaking out and went back on certain details in her story). Anyway… I wouldn’t do it. Simply because you already know—the moment you made a fake profile and he matched with that profile while pretending to be exclusive with you.

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If he's still matching with people on a dating app (your fake profile) it doesn't matter what his status is with the IG girl. He clearly has no intention of being exclusive. Drop him and don't let him know why, just tell him you're no longer feeling it.

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Really, no one will say how crazy it is that you’ve created a fake account to spy on your bf? He may be a douche, but I think you also have some reflection to do…

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Sis I think you have your answer. Messaging the woman won’t tell you anything you don’t already know. Save yourself the embarrassment ☹️

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Tbh when you sense something is off, it usually is.

What do you have to lose…? This guy sucks anyways.

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Big red flags. Girl, get out now. The flags are warning signs, not a carnival

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Build your confidence up enough to not put up with this behavior in the future. If he isn’t treating you right, who cares what is going on? Dump him. My guess is if you’re trying this hard to figure out what’s going on, he also probably senses it and he knows he is in control / in the drivers seat. Instead of going all “detective” on him, love yourself enough to just walk away. Honestly that’ll hit him far harder then you finding out what he’s up to.

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D3 - I know you’re right. He was the first guy I met in over 4 years that I felt chemistry with and it just felt nice to have companionship and do partner things. I know I wouldn’t be happy long term and have been in healthy/great relationships before so it can happen and I deserve that

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Sis if you have to do all of this you already know what to do. Trust your gut and send him back to the streets.

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I think you should trust you gut and cut him off. You’re going to extraordinary lengths for someone you barely know. Cut your ties and move on. It doesn’t sound like the situation is allowing you to behave in a healthy way. You should be able to trust your partner and the few things you’ve done already (creating a fake account) shows that you don’t.

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Have you felt so about other people you dated too? I had a habit of not trusting and wanted to make sure you are aware of such tendencies

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Same here. I am the same. My advise would be to leave him as even if you clear this hurdle, you will keep doubting as your communication styles don't match

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Why not just talk to him directly? It doesn’t sound like he’s invested in the relationship as much as you want him to be. If that’s the case, time to move on. No need to be spend energy on trying to be a detective.

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