So, I got a LinkedIn request with a separate message from a guy I went to HS with. We were casual friends. HS was over 30 years ago (yep) and I’ve had no contact with him or anyone else in my class since (and, no reunions etc). When I saw the request neither his name or photo were even slightly familiar, but when I saw his message and it referenced my small hometown, clearly I had grown up with him. Continued......

likehelpful
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Sometimes you make a larger impact on someone’s life than you may realize. Sadly, some kids don’t have a lot of friends - people are cruel or just ignore them, so they never forget those who were nice to them. I have someone like this from my own HS 20+ years ago. I sometimes take a little longer to respond and don’t ask many questions so I don’t give the impression that the friendship is something that it’s not, but I know how much the kindness matters so this person. Maybe this guy is creepy or maybe he didn’t have a lot of friends. 🤷‍♀️ Kindness doesn’t hurt, just don’t ask a lot of questions and hopefully there won’t be much follow up.

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There are people who apparently I hung out with in high school (according to mutual friends) that I have zero recollection about. I accepted their connection requests because other friends are incredulous that I don't remember them and have told me the other people (there are about 3) would be crushed that I don't remember them. It happens. I also recently had the reverse happen to me where I fondly recalled time spent with a person who finally admitted they had no memory of it at all. I was not offended. We caught up and have since become acquainted again. Everyone has their own memories based on a lot of circumstances. I don't find it weird.

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OP: Do you actually remember him by name? Knowing the name of your home town isn’t proof he knows you. He sounds like a scammer. Avoid.

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Im so weirded out by how cagey everyone in this thread is. Most people aren’t nefarious characters plotting evil deeds. Most people are just people. Try being a person.

likesmarthelpful

Yeah I don’t get how a LinkedIn message after 30 years of no contact qualifies as stalking. Stalking is a big word. Is it kinda strange? yes. But to label this dude a stalker is unfair.

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What do you have to lose by being nice? I mean, if he asks for your social - maybe don’t give it to him. But if he’s just reconnecting ...

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Trust your feelings/instincts and know it’s ok not to respond, especially to someone who is coming on that strong (would creep me out) who you don’t remember. Simple as that.

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It’s also no ruder to ignore a message like this than to send it. I would not feel obligated at all if this is stressing you out.

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High school was a long time ago (for me too.) I wouldn’t over think it. Maybe you were nice to him when he needed a friend?

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Came here to say the same as CD1.
This seems odd especially if he mentions you sat next to each other. Can you pull out old yearbooks and verify this guy is real?

likefunny

Trust your gut. It seems weird to me

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I wouldn’t respond. If you weren’t friends back then, it feels weird reconnecting. It’s definitely odd and honestly he’s probably trying to hit on you (from similar experiences of old high school distant acquaintances or classmates I just passed by in the hallways)

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Update:

So, I decided to reply to this guy because I didn’t want to blow off someone I was friendly with in HS, even though I had no interest in connecting, and now I wish I hadn’t. I’ve now blocked him.

We exchanged a few messages through LinkedIn (he wanted to share email addresses but I ignored that). My messages were very brief and general, but I made the mistake of asking how our hometown has changed in the past 10 yrs. He replied with a long, detailed novel (I kid you not) and kept saying “if you come home you’ll notice this and you’ll notice that...” No, buddy, I’m not going home to see you. His messages made me more and more uncomfortable: he thought I was so wonderful and nice back in HS, should have gotten to know me better, asking specific questions about my life. In one of my messages I just said flippantly said “what a week” and he latched onto that and repeatedly wanted to know what happened, if everything was ok, etc. After I didn’t reply for a week I got another message asking if everything was ok, etc. I felt he was trying to create a relationship (friendship or probably romantic) out of thin air - maybe he’s lonely or having a mid life crisis, but I don’t want any part of that. I mean, I haven’t seen or communicated with this guy in over 30 years...and never thought about him once.

I sent one last brief message last weekend saying “sounds like our hometown has changed a lot and I wish you a wonderful upcoming holiday season.” He hasn’t responded so think he got the hint. Still, I just removed the connection and blocked him cause I don’t want to see anymore messages from this guy. He was creeping me out.

I recently read somewhere something about “being nice” needs to start with being nice to yourself first. Don’t be nice to others at the expense of being nice to yourself. Felt that big time. Maybe others can relate to that.

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I forgot to mention in my original post that I pulled out my yearbook and looked him up. So he’s legit. Like I mentioned, if we had been closer friends (he was more like a friendly acquaintance) or if he hadn’t said “I’ve been asking about you for years...” I wouldn’t be hesitant. I hate how I’m torn between not wanting to be rude and questioning his motives. Not like a huge red flag, but this is ODD.

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I had something like this happen (over FB, not LinkedIn) with a guy who I was acquaintances with in high school. Right before our 10 year reunion he looked me up and started messaging me. I was being nice and responding, but trying to stay distant. I was living in LA at the time and on the 3rd response he asked if he could come out there and stay with me for a week. I was like WTF PUMP THE BRAKES, BUDDY! I told him no and that I wasn't comfortable with him asking me that. He apologized, eased back and then on the day of the reunion, another friend facetimed me from the reunion so I could say hi and he took her phone and wouldn't give it back. I hung up on him, and the next day he texted me saying he was sorry and that his car had been stolen and he was super upset. Turns out he got so drunk ("because I rejected him"), that he crashed his car and got arrested. I blocked him on every social media and his phone number and he still tried to reach out multiple times via email. My point is - trust your gut.

I had the same situation years ago. It came out pretty quickly he was not in a happy relationship and when he told me we should have stayed together, I reminded him his memories were of a 16 year old girl not a grown woman with a husband and 2 teen girls if her own. I “joked” that at our age it was a bit creepy. Needless to say, he has pretty much left me alone. However, I did hear from a mutual friend that he is now dating a woman who was one year behind us in school, whom he also reconnected with on FB. It works sometimes.

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I waited a month before accepting/replying because this was so out of left field, but didn’t want to blow him off. I replied yesterday, just saying hello and that I’m well and hope he is too. He’s already responded with a longish msg saying “I have been asking about you for years and no one knew where you went....” and “ I remember when you sat in front of me....”. Aack! If we had been good friends or had dated I wouldn’t be questioning this. I hope this doesn’t sound naive; I don’t want to be rude, and this guy could just be reaching out to former classmates, but I’m a little creeped out. Should I run for the hills and change my identity or just shrug it off?

I would probably just shrug it off. Clearly you’ve both been fine not being in contact for many years so you can probably just let the conversation trail off...

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Are you in a relationship? Do you remember him fondly? I reconnected with a guy in a non-romantic way after 22 years and we are great friends to this day. He was two years older than me and in my brothers class so when he went to his reunion I told him all I want to know is whatever happened to said friend. But yes, trust your gut.

Creep alert. Block. Delete. NOPE.

Or...he’s looking for a job (pandemic, etc.) and was instructed by a career coach to expand his professional network and he’s just bad at doing it in a way that feels organic - which I’m sure is challenging given the lockdowns. Possible?

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