So I got engaged in September of 2020 and a VP has commented on the size of my ring (via Zoom...) and sent me a text that said "it's cute my fiancee and I look like siblings" soon after we got engaged. WEIRD
Most recently today she said "You know what I say, the bigger the ring, the bigger the problems." Does anyone else find this weird and passive aggressive? Am I being too sensitive? FWIW she's not married and has kids (not sure if this plays into it)

likefunny
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How did she see a picture of you and your fiancé? (Somehow she must have seen if she is saying that you look like siblings). I don’t see anything wrong with that comment, at all.

The ring size, tho? It’s a weird one. I wouldn’t read anything else into it. Just let it go and move on.

likehelpful

OP - in my culture it's a good omen when people who get engaged look similar. Although I'd never say it to someone here for fear that it might sound weird (I'd love to say it to my ex passive aggressively tho because his wife looks as if she were his younger sister 😂). So if this was a one off comment I might just peg it to a culture difference. But the comments on ring size or the bigger the ring, the bigger the problems. Yikes! I'd just say something neutral or just be like 'hmm that's odd' or 'what do you mean by that'? Congrats tho!!!

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You can always mention that you selected the smaller of several size stones.

funnysmart
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Her marital status may have anything or nothing to do with it. Why are you showing your ring off on Zoom though? That seems weird to me. My hands don’t even make it into the frame if I’m engaged in conversation and taking notes.

Sounds sort of passive aggressive but I’d also be annoyed if someone is showing off their new ring in the middle of meetings.

likefunnyhelpful

Agree with others that @D1 is gaslighting. Even after the fact that OP suggested that he VP asked for the ring to be shown multiple times. When would leaders learn to be more empathetic? <sigh>

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“You know what I say, the more kids the more problems.” Obviously not something you can come back with out loud, nevertheless true

funnylike

Hahaha, best comment

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Thank you all so much - you've made me feel so much better and validated that it's weird and inappropriate, especially since I NEVER bring up the engagement or my relationship - she always prompts it. Appreciate the guidance as well on how to handle in the future :)

likesmart

Def her issue but I would pay her no mind. Flaunt that bigger ring

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All of these comments are why I limit what I share with co-workers about my personal life

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M1- That is the smartest move, especially if you aren’t close with or trust your colleagues.

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She’s envious. Let her sit in her jelousy. Move on.

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I agree the combination of comments is weird. This sounds like one of those “what they say about you is more about them than you” instances. I’d just brush them off if you can. For the more direct comments insinuating an issue (ring size to problems) id just give a simple reply to shut it down “Ah I have heard that too, thankfully it doesn’t apply to me though.”

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OP, I can’t tell you the comments I’ve gotten over years. I got married relatively young (23ish), we fell in love and thought it was the right time to get married. Still married and 28 if that’s relevant

Managers have often been super judgmental, one told me that I shouldn’t have gotten married so young, the other told me she as a manager (was a staff at the time) is not married so it’s weird for a staff to be married and what not. All of these comments were from women which is what surprised me.

I’ve learnt to ignore and move on, and suggest you do the same because many of them are that way and won’t stop

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People make weird comments when couples get engaged (even worse when you have kids). My husband and I look alike - together 7years now and we still get the sibling comment.

Besides that though, she sounds like she’s either shocked that you and your spouse can afford such a large ring (read: envy) or she’s just genuinely trying to connect with you in her own, weirdo way.

likehelpful

Guys you need to check out the siblings or dating account on Instagram! 😭😭

“Oh that’s such a negative take and I actually don’t appreciate those comments. I’m staying upbeat about my engagement, but certainly don’t feel any pressure to comment!”

likefunny

This is the "bless your heart" of responses, I love it.

likefunny

Yeeeeah it’s not just you she’s making slick comments and I don’t like that. Some people just always have to have commentary.
Director1 can def chillax too.. it is incredibly normal to see hands on calls. OFTEN. We are not robots please.

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I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. Her comments are varying levels of uncomfortable to just inappropriate (especially saying you and your SO look like siblings!). This is about her insecurities and not about you at all. I would say you have all the data points you need about her. My advice would be to inwardly roll your eyes and hopefully you can minimize your interactions with her...

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Rude - just shut down any engagement talk from her in the future. Congratulations!!

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Totally agree... I recently got engaged and every time my manager talks to me about it they go “It’s really serious I guess”. That comment infuriates the life out of me... I understand I’m young to be getting married but it feels so demeaning!

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I feel you there. I work mostly with middle aged folks, which is fine, but I'm definitely the outlier. I was engaged at 25 and married at 26, and I'm glad no one commented on my age at least.

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May or may not be ill intended but it's WEIRD either way 😖
Congrats though OP! 🎉Don't let this woman affect you

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Haha the lady doing this is head of HR 🤣

likefunny

It’s an odd combination of comments, though I have been told that my husband and I look alike and I took it as a compliment because my husband is very handsome! Of course, they said “you two look like male/female version of the same person,” which is less creepy than saying we look like siblings.

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“The things you love about others are the things you love about yourself. The things you hate about others are the things you cannot see in yourself.”

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She is crossing boundaries

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