So I’m pregnant and going to get an abortion (any pregnancy for me is incredibly high risk - 25+% chance I wouldn’t survive - not that any other reason for an abortion is invalid either). I’m not sure if I should tell the guy I am hooking up with. I feel like he should know. That being said I don’t need to send him down a spiral. His ex of 4 years had a late term abortion without telling him and told him when he found her in bed with his really good friend. He’s finally improving psychologically

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I think you should probably tell him since I'm guessing part of the problem was how completely his trust was broken by the ex. Regardless of what he says, it's your decision to get an abortion or not. Sorry to say, but it's not your problem how well he can handle it.

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If pregnancy is so high risk, maybe also talk about getting your tubes tied or other permanent solutions so this doesn’t happen again.

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Agree SC2.

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What’s your relationship with the father? You said hookup so it doesn’t sound all that serious? In that case if abortions already trigger him and your relationship with each other is very low stakes id just not say.. might be a bad call but it is definitely the more easier route

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I think A1’s advice here is spot on. If you want to continue a relationship with him, you gotta tell him. But if you’re not sure about him, I think the kind thing to do would be to skip telling him and move on.

I personally wouldn't. You've made the decision already, and you described him as a guy you're hooking up with, not your SO, so I don't think anything good will come of it.

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Whatever you decide, I’m guessing this isn’t easy for you either. I hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself too 💕

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I would tell him based on your comment about the potential more serious relationship. Does he know you have this medical condition? If you do enter a serious relationship he would need to know that any future accidental pregnancy would end in an abortion and if that’s something he is okay with. Hopeful he will understand this is different but I think he deserved all that info going into something serious.

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Yeah he knows. We’ve had conversations about how I at this point can get pregnant but can’t have kids. He knows theoretically this is what would happen if I got pregnant but this is moving from theoretical to reality.

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I’d probably tell him based on what you’ve mentioned above.

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I actually read this to my husband and asked him. I was curious if he were in this situation would he want to know. Both of us agreed that we likely wouldn’t say anything. No positive would come of it.

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OP, I mean if you’re not in a serious relationship with him would you actually want him involved and I only say this because his mental health sounds super fragile. You’ve made up your mind to go ahead with the abortion (which is absolutely your choice), so if I were you i wouldn’t get him involved
Sometimes I’ve realized that hiding certain things from ppl for their welfare is better than hurting them in their face but that’s just my approach

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The way I see you reminding him of the prior situation is by not telling him. Telling him now brings him into this early on. I think it would extend trust to you rather than being that heartbreak he experienced before. I’m not a guy, so maybe I’m off here, but I think I’d want to know.

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Do you think he’s going to be supportive? Or is he going to try and manipulate you to change your mind?
If you think he’s going to be supportive AND won’t hold any kind of resentment against you in the future for choosing this option, then yes.
Otherwise nope.

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No. don't tell him. it seems like a trigger event for him, which might add to all the issues you're dealing with. So, no.

My husband says to tell him, he might lose it but he has the true and now you two know if you have a future, because he might want kids later.

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