So my bf family originally canceled Christmas celebrations due to covid but is now planning to have a “get together” with just half the family while excluding the other half. When I asked wont the other half be mad, I was told they just won’t tell them about it. I being who I am told someone on the side not being invited cuz I thought it was plain wrong. The person acted on it today asking if it was happening to a cousin in law and now they’re trying to see how it happened. Did I mess up?

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Yeah firstly it’s Covid so people are supposed to be having smaller gatherings... secondly it’s your BF family, you’re not married yet so don’t has as much of a say not your place to get involved

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I don’t know all the details, but from what you’ve said, I would feel betrayed if my SO did that to me. If he doesn’t like how I’m handling a situation, I think our relationship is such that I’d want him to discuss it with me, but ultimately to still acknowledge it’s my decision. I would be very hurt if he did something that went against my choice if it was with my family, particularly if he didn’t tell me upfront that he was doing it.

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It’s totally fine to disagree with the decision to host a party, but why in the world would you take it upon yourself to go let somebody you are NOT related to know that they weren’t invited? Unless there’s something I’m missing from the story, I would feel incredibly upset, question your trustworthiness, and feel as if my family’s privacy was violated if I were your boyfriend. Also would wonder if you were causing serious issues in my family for your personal drama/entertainment. Why wouldn’t you talk to your boyfriend about your thoughts and let him handle his own family? Or just let it go altogether?

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I think an important lesson for you to learn is to not talk behind people's backs, especially when it comes to your boyfriends family. If you thought it was messed up, you should've talk to your boyfriend about it or his parents/siblings again instead of starting issues between their family (which you are not even officially a part of yet). Being a gossip, regardless to what capacity, WILL hurt you in the long run. Always remember that everyone talks, so best course of action is to just not say anything that can bite you in the butt. (this is all coming from someone that had to learn this lesson the hard way) Good luck!

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Agree with all above. Also it sounds like you may have only questioned whether you messed up when your BF’s fam started investigating how the other person found out about the event... and not sooner, when you actually broke trust by talking to that person 😔 But I hope you asking this question is a step in the right direction. Having an opinion doesn’t mean it always should be shared. Think through repercussions in the future and whether your planned actions still make sense. And also think through how people would feel about what you did (in this case, your boyfriend especially). And finally evaluate whether it is your place to be taking the action

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So this is how issues with in laws start... even before marriage.

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Yes, u messed up. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Gatherings should be smaller, but it does seem awkward to not tell the other half. Obviously it depends on their relationship with the other half, where they’re located, health conditions, etc. If the host chooses not to invite or communicate with certain people, it’s usually best to respect their decision. If there are issues, bring it up to the host first before contacting others to help reduce drama and stress for the host (unless you’re super close with the other half i.e. sibling or bff).

Agree with everyone. Yes, you should not have done that, sorry. It was not your place to meddle.

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