So my bipolar dad got declined for a mortgage because disability gets shut off in < 3 years when he turns 65. So now he wants me to co-sign for him. Between housing markets being up, my concerns over his money mgmt, and concerns over tying up my credit there’s no way I can say yes. He sold his house before being approved for the new one he put in for (against my advice). I know he won’t understand and will take this personally, and the family will probably take his side. Gonna be a long week…

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Offer to help with a security deposit on a rental and first month’s rent if you can swing it, and make the argument that you can’t afford to tie up your credit more. All this is assuming you want to, of course, you are under no obligation to save anyone from themselves.

likeuplifting

I hear you, it’s a really tough spot. All I can think to do is repeatedly offer something else (rent help, room in your place, etc.) and stick to it. I’m sorry, this sucks :(

Do you have a therapist? I’ve had to set boundaries with family before and my therapist has really helped me to navigate the “backlash”. No matter what your family says, you’re doing the right thing for yourself and even for your dad. Good luck, I know it won’t be easy.

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How does your dad expect to pay the mortgage when disability runs out in 3 years? If he has a boatload of cash on hand, then he could choose to skip the mortgage. If he has insufficient income and assets, then he is basically asking you to buy him a house (in part). You are justified in saying no. Be ready to explain your logic to family.

There is no cash on hand. He does have income (pension and social security) but he took out a $160k mortgage in 2011 and remortgaged the house over and over and owed $300k when he sold.

I get the financials. But he won’t. He will view it as me not supporting him.

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