So my ex just joined my law firm and I’m trying to decide whether I should send a “welcome to the firm message” to make sure he knows that I know that he’s there.
For context, I summered at this firm and have been here for the last three years, it’s a V20. He was at a different firm and then clerked twice and then I guess lateraled over here. I’m pissed because we agreed never to speak again, but then he shows up here, knowing full well that I’m still here (we’re still linked in connections).

likehelpfulfunny
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Lol don’t, that would put him in the driver’s seat. Also if you summered there, he probably checked to see if you’re still there anyways, so your message would just gas him up that you reached out first.

likehelpful

10000 percent this. Let him squirm with the fact that you may not even know he's there and if you do, you're not bothered enough to care. Good luck queen.

likefunny

Sounds like he’s pretty junior to you. Send him some assignments

likefunnysmart

Add some unreasonable deadlines as well… power move

likefunny
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Unless you’re in the same practice group, you can still be 2 ships passing in the night and never interact

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This is how love stories are made ❤️ ☕️

likefunnysmart

I may be the ex. And I know you're here.

funnylikesmart

Don’t do homegirl dirty like this 😭

likefunny

Thanks, all. I’m irrationally frustrated— it feels like I called dibs on this law firm and he should have respected my distance by steering clear. There are plenty of other firms out there! But I’ll take your advice and not contact him.

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Jesus how old are you

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Don’t. Just move on with your life and don’t bring it up.

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This.

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Might be helpful to go to therapy to help learn tools to move on from this relationship. There’s no need to reach out to him, if he wanted to talk to you he likely would’ve reached out while interviewing. You also don’t own the firm you work at. He’s free to work wherever he wants just like you are.

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So romantic and petty. Love this for y’all

likefunny

“We agreed never to speak again.” Good god. What is this? Some high school/college drama? Life is too short. Move on . . . Although, if you’re spending this much time thinking about it, chances are you aren’t over him.

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This happened to me too. He would show up in my office to chat which annoyed me so much. But if he hadn’t done that I don’t think I would have ever run into him (we are in different practice areas).

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How do you know he’s not on Fishbowl? This thread would for sure blow your cover.

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Go ahead and start compiling the wedding registry…

likefunny

Why would you email him welcoming him to the firm? He knows your there…

likefunny

I noticed the mistake. But I didn’t care enough to correct it. 😘

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If your ex uses fishbowl, wouldn’t it be super obvious who you are

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Avoid working with him and leave it at that. It's not healthy to hold onto grudges, resentment, or whatever it is that has you upset that he's now at the same firm, and that only hurts you as it seems it clearly doesn't bother him to be at the same firm. I don't say this to judge you, because I know how it is, but I think it's important for your professional life and career that you work on letting it go.

Process the anger of him joining the firm however you need to, without harming anyone or yourself, and then put all your energy back into being a standout associate.

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Don’t do anything and if you come across him be like “omg I totally forgot you go here!” Elle Woods style.

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Don’t say anything. Hopefully you can avoid him as A2 said.

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Easier said than done, but treat him like any other associate in another practice group (if true) you rarely interact with other than firm social events/committees. Engage respectfully in small talk/exchange pleasantries if you must, but focus on excelling at your own work. I wouldn’t reach out. As a lateral, he’ll feel like an outsider for awhile. He may reach out to you first looking for a familiar face - to the extent it matters, you’re in the driver’s seat. You can’t control that he joined the firm, but your reaction is totally within your control.

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He’s still into you. Ignore him and move on with your life or not. It’s your call.

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