So my wife and I both said we wanted kids (before we got married) then a couple years into marriage we both said we changed our minds and do not want them. Now, she’s thinking she may want them, she’s changed back. I have NOT, I still firmly think I do not want them. But what do we do now?

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The key to a happy marriage is compromise. So you’ll compromise and do what she wants 😂

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Seems like a major incompatibility but you should figure out your decision asap since she has less time than you biologically to have kids

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Figure out asap whether it’s a dealbreaker

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Wait another few years and either you will change or she will.

Talk through it. It’s not the end of the world. You can arrive at a decision hearing both pov, and the decision is not set in stone. It can change as you evolve.

What had changed for both of you to decide against it?

Depends on your wife's age and both of your commitments to your viewpoint. I assume you're both pretty committed to what you want bc I don't personally see this issue as being something you can compromise on. If you don't want kids, you absolutely should not have them just to keep a relationship. Not only will you likely be unhappy but your children will be able to tell. If your wife compromises and decides to not have children for you she'll likely secretly resent you because of the hole in her life that she wanted children to fill.

Your best bet is to wait as long as you can, being mindful of her age since you don't want to wait so long that she couldn't have kids if she wanted them. Wait and hope that one of you just naturally changes your mind over time. If you don't and she's gets into early/mid 30s then you both just might be incompatible long term.

If you firmly don't want them, you should tell her that you plan to get a vasectomy, and then you should do it. No doctor is going to sterilize a childless woman who wants kids. So unless you're perfect at condom usage, she's going to be responsible for birth control. And if she wants kids, that's a recipe for an "Ooops" baby. I know too many people in this situation, and it sucks. Husband is resentful, wife knows she had to resort to this and it wasn't his choice, and kid grows up and figures out that they were a baby trap.

If you go through with it, she'll know that your marriage has reached a fork, where she either needs to go with you, or you two need to go your separate ways.

It seems like you haven’t really had a discussion about this. Something as important as deciding to have a child is generally not a decision you bounce back and forth on. My suspicion is that when you say you “changed your minds” once married, that may not have been the case. This is really difficult now. How old are you two?

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