So the day we had our baby, my husband’s job completely changed and now he’s travels quite a bit. How do you all get through those weeks on Mat. leave? Looks permanent, too, so how do you cope solo?

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I would suggest you try not to struggle through it alone. Having even an occasional mother’s helper or babysitter is so helpful if you don’t have family nearby. Even a couple of hours a week will let you get in a nap, shower, and some errands which are 5x harder with a newborn. Not to mention having another person around will give you a mental break from the anxiety that you are the only adult in the house so you have to always be on the “alert”.
Your need for help will only increase after going back to work (even if you are fully local), and it is much less stressful to find some good caretakers you trust during mat leave than scrambling while juggling work.

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Ok, so I’ve got a lot of help lined up which is nice. But the first two months were definitely a struggle like you said, “being on alert”. Did it get easier when you went back to work? I’m just so used to being the one on the road, it’s a bit frustrating.

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My husband started traveling M - Thur, since the baby was 6 weeks old. I had family around and later had a nanny when I was about to begin work. It was hard not in the beginning but as time passed we realized it was not sustainable. Later He took paternity leave and some time off, worked out some options to reduce his time on road. Baby is almost a year old now, started sleeping better it’s more manageable for me. I am planning to have a morning / evening helper for the days he’s on road. Doing solo is doable but not sustainable, try and get as much help as you can for the days he’s on road.

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I empathize. On my second mat leave and husband gone quite a bit. The most brutal weeks are when my toddler is home from daycare sick (which is like every other week in the winter). It’s tough to sustain in the long run but it all comes down to what you’re willing to sacrifice (mental / physical stamina, alone time, etc.) on a daily basis to determine if you are willing to swing it. I realized I was more capable than expected and could manage the two of them on my own most of the time. But every few days I hit a “I need time to myself” wall and use a babysitter to watch the infant and go to the gym / out to lunch by myself etc. To avoid resentment I try to keep things in perspective as my husband takes over the solo parenting when I go back on the road. My two cents (which aren’t even worth that!) is that it may get better when you go back to work bc you’ll at least have non-baby-related mental stimulation, time to yourself, and regular childcAre. It improved vastly for me when I went back last time - allowed me to look forward to solo time with my first and prioritize my work / set boundaries where necessary Of course everyone is different and again comes back to what you value.

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It gets easier with time and mainly with “practice” of a) leaving that primary responsibility to someone else while you are at work and b) observing that your baby continues to thrive and doesn’t get into distress nearly as often as you fear. We also have a nest cam in the baby’s room where I can look at live feed from my phone app, which adds to the peace of mind.

Would he be open to new roles? May be something to discuss, in context of your expectations now that you are parents. I dont mind when my hubby is away from time to time, it if he traveled full time, I would probably go part time in my role.

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