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Rising Star
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Hi All, I'm looking for a job change in Finance background so can someone refer me? Currently working in Fund accounting domain with 2 years experience as Assoicate in Atos ,Mumbai. Tata Consultancy Deloitte India Morgan Stanley JPMorgan Chase Accenture SS&C Technologies, Inc. Infosys KPMG India Ey PwC
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Chief
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This seems like it’s about more than just the migraine yesterday, because otherwise her reaction isn’t fair. I would check in and have a convo in a few days about this and hopefully you guys can see both of each other’s points of view. My guess is that she is feeling a lack of support/help in general and maybe that’s why she is making a big deal about this specific instance.
Enthusiast
And you can argue with me but you’re not doing OP any favors by encouraging him to take this stance
Fishbowl is evolving, no one has yet suggested getting a divorce
Enthusiast
As a fellow migraine sufferer, I understand how debilitating they can be. I am sorry your wife is mad. It’s really unfair. When I have bad ones, I cannot tolerate light, sound, or touch. I can only be in the dark and quiet with as little movement as possible. It’s excruciating and not something that one can just “suck it up and deal with”. Hugs, OP. Hope you feel better today.
Thank you! My wife and I talked and she ended up apologizing. And we have planned another upcoming family day soon.
Enthusiast
This is what I absolutely hate. If the tables were turned she would expect compassion and to be catered too Im assuming
EY1 you don’t sound very experienced this. That is exactly how it goes in my house.
Chief
As someone that suffers from incredibly debilitating migraines (12+ hours, bed ridden, vomiting, can’t eat, fainting) and have ended up in the ER from them, I’d be so pissed. Just because the pain is invisible, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. A lot of people who don’t have migraines don’t get that it’s not a regular tension headache - you feel like you’re on the verge of death
Absolutely! I’ve been getting them since I was 15, and this was definitely one of the worst I’ve ever had. Nothing was helping and I was in bed literally all day until about 7pm. I am beyond pissed.
Pro
Sounds like she resents you for something. This isn’t normal and would assume she’d otherwise be supportive and understanding. Try to unpack the deep seated issue. Does she feel like she doesn’t have the choice to lay in bed and is forced to suck it up when she’s unwell? When you’re feeling better talk to her about what’s going on civilly. There’s definitely more there.
Rising Star
I was going to say this. I feel like my husband always gets “sick” whenever we have plans that he is trying to get out of. Not saying this is what’s happening here but it’s hard to have compassion when one side is always trying to bail.
Just typical fall weekend stuff. Plus a birthday party. Nothing crazy or something that was going to be a big deal if I couldn’t go.
Enthusiast
For some parents, it’s a huge deal to haul kids to activities/family functions etc alone. . . depending on the kids age, it can get pretty wild pretty quick. Sorry you’re going thru this. Hope she turns around.
I get it. But she just thinks this was “just a headache “ when it’s far from that.
I’m so sorry, that sounds rough on so many levels.
Enthusiast
I talk about it at work. I have had to because mine have been so debilitating in the past and were not managed well for a period of years. (It took a while to find the right combo of things to help me.) I had to be honest with my teams because sometimes I just was not my best self and I felt I owed it to them to know why.
I do think that my chronic health problems (I’ve had some others as well) have negatively impacted my career. One of the things I have had to do is learn to take care of myself with stress, sleep, and balance. That means I cannot push myself in the ways that are required to be a top performer consistently in our profession, unfortunately.
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Pretend to go to the doctor and say the doctor said it was a serious medical issue and she'll feel awful
Unless she is a physician and can shed light from a medical standpoint, she should STFU. Migraines can wreck an entire day easily! Hope you feel better OP.
Rising Star
I’m so, so sorry OP. Your wife should have more empathy for her partner. What a frustrating situation to be in. I hope once the heat dies down, you’ll be able to have a candid conversation about how concerning her lack of empathy and support for you is. Not fair at all that this guilt was placed on you.
Pro
I’m so sorry, OP. I suffered chronic migraines to the point where I had to take 3 month leave to get it under control. It’s debilitating and for people who don’t suffer through it, will always have a hard time empathizing it. You did the right thing by resting and not powering through. Migraines can become dangerous if ignored. I would put your foot down about this with your SO. You didn’t drop the ball here at all.
Take her to a visit to your doctors office.
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Migraines are no joke. She needs to suck it up and deal with the fact that life happens.
Does your wife also experience migraines? If not - i think it makes it very difficult for her to be empathetic to what it’s like for someone who has migraines. And I’m saying this as the spouse who rarely gets headaches but my SO gets debilitating migraines VERY often. And I admit it’s been the cause of a lot of tiffs in the beginning (and still occasionally) bc I just can’t understand what it’s like to have a migraine that bad it can’t be “sucked up” so I used to get super irritated it would be the reason my spouse basically had to bail on stuff. However - I think what has been most effective for me to try to understand is when my SO has very candid conversations (but do it at normal times not during a migraine incident) to explain just how debilitating it is for him and I try really hard to be understanding when he does have them. Something that has also made me feel more understanding (even though still hard for me to be empathetic bc I don’t get migraines) - is seeing that he’s proactively trying to do something or figure out a way to reduce / minimize the frequency. Though I know migraines still have no exact treatment - I appreciate that he’s seeing a neurologist / trying to eat healthier / track diet triggers, etc so that shows me he is trying to take care of his health.
Impossible to make them happy. Have one child and another on the way. I work, clean, nighttime routine every night, cook, make double what she makes, and help her with her job. And I get infinite shit about EVERYTHING. She just asked me if she can have 10 minutes to herself, with attitude. Well of course you can! Not minimizing her experience as a pregnant woman but she’s like this even when she’s not pregnant.
Any who - send help, and I feel for you! Sorry man
Enthusiast
What were the plans?
Give it a few days, she’ll feel guilty for making such a big deal out of it and forgive you
OPs wife should not be contributing to toxic masculinity
You need medication. I've had this but had to deal with deliverables, life, family, etc. Its terrible and I want to puke the whole time.
Try asking your doc about sumatriptan (1st sign) and/or amitryptaline (taken daily if you get regular headaches). I still get headaches but they don't kill me like they used to.
I have medication. Both preventative and one I use when I get an attack. Unfortunately nothing was helping yesterday.
Chief
This keeps happening to me too. It’s always a toss up if it works. With most migraine meds you have to time them exactly right in the progression of the headache, but it’s hard to predict when that timing is.