Some of my SO exes constantly text & call him.. he doesn’t respond all the time & he says he sets boundaries & they just don’t respect them & blocking them isn’t an option bc he doesn’t believe in cutting people off. As this is something I don’t think I will ever come around to be comfortable with & I don’t want to give an ultimatum... should I walk away from the relationship?

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I’m the person that doesn’t like to cut exes off however when my current boyfriend expressed discomfort about the fact that an ex hookup was texting me I definitely considered his feelings and stopped. I had to ask myself what do I value more my partner’s feelings and emotions and how this situation affects them or an ex that brings no real value to my life. I decided to stop texting that person and they’ve respected that and haven’t reached out since.
At the end of the day he really needs to assess his priorities, is the principle of not cutting people off and being nice worth the hurt or discomfort it’s causing you? Someone that truly cares for you would choose you over being polite to exes
Also calling and daily communication is excessive and not healthy. He’s not doing them any favors by continuing to engage and it’s honestly ridiculous that this is ongoing with so many exes

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Oh honey - if not 1, not 2, but 3 women are calling your SO daily, he’s giving them good reason to. This isn’t about his refusal to set boundaries - he’s deliberately keeping the door open. This is a huge red flag.

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If multiple exes are constantly calling/texting it sounds like you may not be getting the full story? Or are exaggerating.

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Everything is fishy!!

He fed you (lame) excuses to a problem he doesn’t want to accept accountability for. How long have you been in this relationship? Because this is not good.

Edit: just read these exes are calling everyday..whew. If the relationship is worth fighting for, have him answer the next phone call in front of you. Make him tell them that he’s in a committed relationship and to not call anymore. Period.

likehelpful

That’s a no for me girl. My bf had an issue with letting go but he eventually did. Have a long conversation with him about how this is impacting you. How he responds and handles it will help you decide whether or not to walk away

likefunny

Either your bf is leading them on EMOTIONALLY, or your bf’s exes are nuts.
Either way, it doesn’t reflect very well at all on your bf’s judgement. I just don’t trust men with that several lapse of poor judgement.

likehelpful

The ex isn’t calling/communicating like that for no reason.

likesmart

At the very least, he is doing something to keep them calling... heavy flirting, no doubt. And at the worst.... well, it just goes down from there. I wouldn’t stand for it, not for a single day. He either tells them to stop calling, or... you move on. Good luck!

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Are you sure they’re “exes”? Had a friend (A) with an ex-bf (B) who would also talked to his ex-gf (C). Turns out B never ended it with C or there was some misunderstanding. C’s mom thought C was going to get married to B. 😮

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Thank you D2 and C1!

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Walk away. Cut ties now before it’s too late and you get even more involved.

Regardless of what he says, this is something that is not your “norm”, you’re not comfortable with, and I suspect you view it as tiptoeing the boundary, if not crossing it.

He will always be in contact with them even if you are to get married.

One of my ex’s from 10 years ago does this. He is married for 2 years and still tried to reach out to me and talk/call until I told him it was awkward. He still chats consistently with his other ex girl friends

The reason they do it is because they get emotional comfort/attention from it. I don’t know about you, but I’m completely not ok with that. Get out OP

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Babe I had the same problem because they worked together in an academic environment. HOWEVER it got to the point where she called him at 4-5am sometimes and it was really hurting us, so he finally completely gave up the work project (they’d had for years) in order to save our relationship. Agreed re: other comments that it’s a matter of basic respect he is not giving you.

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So does he consider them his friends? If yes then, ask that you are introduced and speak with them (on FaceTime given the pandemic). There should be no issues from the other women if they are truly just friends. If they are not friends, then he shouldn’t waste time entertaining past lovers, that’s disrespectful to you.

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Went through something similar. My ex would keep picking up calls from his ‘best friend’ who was later on his ‘ex’ but she was actually his ‘current’

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Yeah you gotta walk. Something is not adding up.

So this has happened to me. It was a case of him not telling them that he’s in a committed relationship with you. They probably think he’s still single. Regardless, you don’t want to be with a guy like this. It looks like he has a lot of growing up to do in terms of maturity and being in an adult relationship. No ultimatum needed because he will do it (cut ties with them I mean) only because you want him to and not because he thinks that’s the right thing to do.

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