{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Sometimes I feel like I wanna be a house wife. Just get married and be with someone. Have a family. And that’s it. And then there is the other me. Wants to chase all things. Do you guys ever feel tht?", "post_id": "5bd2031151dd4100127c5577", "reply_count": 60, "vote_count": 103, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Sometimes I feel like I wanna be a house wife. Just get married and be with someone. Have a family. And that’s it. And then there is the other me. Wants to chase all things. Do you guys ever feel tht?

likeupliftinghelpful
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If I was beautiful, attractive and witty, I would have been a housewife. Love the idea. But alas am not. However, when I do stay at home for a project shutdown or something, 2-4 days I get so bored out of my bones!!! So what I figure, it is YOU who is different (btw that includes me😊). And different is good. There are other things to chase in life. We are different. Old rules don’t apply that we need to conform So do what feels right, as long as it brings happiness and peace.

likeupliftingsmartfunny

Every time I have that thought I think about how hard my mother had after she divorced my father. That’s enough to make me get out and make money for myself.

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I so would be a housewife! as long as I had a nanny, cook and cleaner to help. My soul cycle bike won’t pedal its self!

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Yes! Have a toddler and the idea of having a second one and costs is overwhelming

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Yes! I have this thought once every two weeks or so.

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My husband wants to be a stay at home guy. We both make the same amount of money. Planning to save enough so he can retire early

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I have worked 30+ years, presently with 2 adult children. I am also a divorced single mom (father not in the picture) since my kids were in their mid teens. I would say that you will know what’s best for you and your family at various stages in your life and will adjust accordingly. I ask you to really examine why you feel this way now. Are you overwhelmed, is the work not fulfilling, are you in a difficult work situation? When you look into yourself and are self aware of what it is in you that you really want to drive your passion or feed your soul, you will be able to make the decisions that are right for you. Personally, I knew that I could never be a stay at home mom, it’s just not what drives me, but I love being a mom. I have always found the balance of doing things in my career I am passionate about (not without sacrifices) with supporting and being there for my children as they grew up. I know I’m right where I belong now and love what I do. You can definitely find the same...

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@pwc3, @pwc2, Finance is not the only keyhole through which to view the world. Those people you feel such disdain or pity for may feel the same for you and your values. Would you feel the same about the stay at home moms of previous generations including possibly ours? Would you feel the same about those who don’t work due disability, infirmity, old age, being children, etc. it’s a slippery slope when we judge people based on the perceived bill rate of their daily services and tasks.

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Yah I wish there was more balance. Seems like all I do is live to work.

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I regret my marriage every day because of this. He makes way less and proposed very early. I’m miserable being the breadwinner forever.

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@pwc3 - I think this will be me and my hubby. I don’t think I could ever stop working because of how hard other women before me (like my mom) worked to allow my generation to work in the fields we do.

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Yes. I actually look at women who expect men to pay their way lower than I view call girls. I don’t think it’s bad to make less than a partner, I just think there’s a difference between 10-20k less and marrying someone who isn’t your equal. No matter what different things there are, none of those things justify the extra effort someone has to put in to work and earn more. Just look at us in consulting. We stay up almost 16-17 hour days just to make roughly 30k more than industry and put our bodies through hell on these flights to build our careers. A guy bringing “a sense of humor” isn’t worth that and that’s offensive to the other personality traits a woman brings. Every person by himself or herself at the start of the marriage is whole and brings a personality, so those cancel out. It doesn’t have to be 100% equal but kids need both a mom and a dad to parent them in a two parent family instead of one gone to earn money and the other picking up the kid tab. Things have to balance out across all dimensions in the same way. This is why division of labor doesn’t quite work. People specialize in their craft and then jack up its value. Cleaning, taking care of kids, doing your bill work doesn’t count as contributing in other ways because that’s your own house. If you don’t do it who will? It’s like if I were single and said I’m not going to clean, cook my food, or feed my dog because I work and that’s how I contribute. It isn’t respectable in my opinion.

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I used to feel that way as well. So tried it once.. took 2 weeks vacation and just thought I’ll pretend to be a housewife to see how I like it. Switched off office phone and informed everyone at office that I will not be reachable. And then it started - husband was very supportive. But after 3 days, it became very monotonous. I started getting bored( no kids yet) almost went into depression. It was then that I realized I can’t do it :( Maybe try something like this to see if that is what you want?

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Pwc2 I sort of get what you’re saying. It’d be true if a stay at home mom only pulled 50% of the chores and child rearing like a working mom might. But usually if a spouse is at home they pick up the majority other partner’s home duties and so give the working partner much more ability to focus on work and bringing the income for them both. They provide leverage for the team.

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This conversation has taken a 180 turn where only if a person earns money they have some value, and not otherwise. Now we are talking about monetization/commoditization of human beings, while the original thread was more about the freedom to be yourself, do what your heart says and not have the artificial pressures to do things just for survival.

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I think we are really demeaning a lot of stay at home people. 1) my mom raised me and my sister. Dad did the hard work of bringing the money in. But he always noted that my mom works harder than him and that is more valuable. Given he puts his family above work. He always contributed to the household by teaching me since i was a baby. Even though he is a banker and came home pretty late. 2) lot of things can not be valued appropriately by money. Like babysitter for 2 hours helping with math homework $40. Mom helping me ugh math homework I’m gonna go out on a limb and say $1000. Maybe even more. It taught me that she cares for me, she loves me, she is capable like my father.....and so much more. It has given me healthy respect for both genders, given me a sound mind and body, good respect for my self, I’m a Columbia grad so you know probably not dumb. So not really replaceable, 3) since I’ve not been stay at home person/ my POV is invalid to a certain extent. I’m stepping in someone’s shoes And trying to figure out and so are many people. 4) relationships are different - there used to be a time that till death do us apart actually meant something. I agree times are diff so it might be a concern for some people to let there financial independence go. But I guess that’s why I’m single. I want the first kinda relationship Just my 2 cents

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D2 to D3. Typo miss!!

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I wish there was a gig economy for CEOs too

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@PWC2 - so are you saying that women who are married to men who make more than them have “cornered” their husbands into paying their way? I thought marriage was a partnership and each person brings different things to the relationship. Things will never be 100% equal with everything in a marriage, but if the balance is right across all the factors, it shouldn’t matter who makes more money. I’ve been married for almost 30 years and even though my husband makes me than me, I’ve contributed equally to our household in other ways. Your suggestion to “tell him” your scaling back also doesn’t bode well for how two married people discuss challenges and try to work towards a solution together. You outlook is depressing!

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100%. I think it’s just the added pressure of trying to make a career for yourself but at the same time, you might not be necessary happy sitting behind a desk 8 hours a day

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I feel like this all the time! I am married and I do have kids. I love being with them but I would also go crazy being at home all day everyday!

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Ladies I have been on H4 for a few years and trust me it’s a curse. Having to go to work everyday is a pain, but at the end when you see that fat paycheck, I feel very accomplish and thank god everyday. It’s a privilege to work and be independent. Not that women who don’t work are anyway less. I am the first woman in my family to work. I come from a business class and they still don’t understand what I do.... lol when I told my grand parents I work in IT, my grandfather replied ‘oh so you repair computer??’ I laughed and said yes. He then said for that they pay you so much....!!!! Lol

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